Every year, since i was about 6 or 7 years old, my family has gotten together with another family to make gingerbread houses.
Us 4 kids plus their 4 (all girls) can get pretty crazy around each other (especially with the influence of sugar!).
It has been a sort of un-spoken competition between the families to see who can get the most candy on the structure without making it look tacky . . . though when hundreds of candies are greedily pasted onto a not-so-big structure with cement-icing as paste, tackiness is inevitable.
Well, last night was that night of tradition.
With lots of food, and candy, the constant chatter and tossing of candy . . . the party never tiers.
This year, however, a vital part of our party was gone. It was a sad time and the Gingerbread Palace suffered in the candy department because of it.
My siblings banned my aid in the decorating. In the first 5 minutes i decorated a reindeer (later named Franklin Bernard) . . . and after that i was demoted to the sorting of candy. Of course, i excelled in my new task, and while my siblings decorated our palace i sorted the candies (into piles i want to eat and piles i must eat).
~my mommy likes my art work~
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Home for Christmas
Well it is Christmas time... nearly 4 weeks off from school, what is there not to be excited about.
See . . . I thought that coming home would help me to forget the past few months: the pain, the disappointment, the anger, and the regrets. Take my mind off things that cannot be changed . . . but there are reminders everywhere i turn.
It's hard to just forget the past: and someone who has been a big part of it for over 3 years.
Pictures, memorabilia, letters . . . why?
We shared so much . . . i can't just forget it all.(can i?)
~i wish i was the destroying type~
See . . . I thought that coming home would help me to forget the past few months: the pain, the disappointment, the anger, and the regrets. Take my mind off things that cannot be changed . . . but there are reminders everywhere i turn.
It's hard to just forget the past: and someone who has been a big part of it for over 3 years.
Pictures, memorabilia, letters . . . why?
We shared so much . . . i can't just forget it all.(can i?)
~i wish i was the destroying type~
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
A time to kill & A time to heal
I am not obsessed... i'm suffering from a sort of plague, or a haunting. It makes no difference what i may do, or where i may go: there is no escape. The constant jerking on my heart strings confine my memory to what i've been deprived. It had been placed arrogantly in front of me, enticing me onward, whispering for me to "grab it, take it, it's yours..."
but it lied.
And it is this memory that haunts me, day and night.
It is not out of obsession that my writing continues to reflect such anguish.
This is the healing process of a young, deceived girl, previously ignorant of the worlds cruelty, now slowly shedding the naive beliefs that once ruled her thoughts and actions.
~drugs can only aid to a certain extent~
but it lied.
And it is this memory that haunts me, day and night.
It is not out of obsession that my writing continues to reflect such anguish.
This is the healing process of a young, deceived girl, previously ignorant of the worlds cruelty, now slowly shedding the naive beliefs that once ruled her thoughts and actions.
~drugs can only aid to a certain extent~
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Writing a Letter
To whom it may concern,
Scarred by your words
marked by your touch
no means of escape
no chance to ignore
like a part of me
you will not fade
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
[you] probably wouldn’t if [you] could . . .
Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting
-DC
There's a knife in my heart
where a promise use'ta be
not so long ago
words of assurance
replaced with disdain
with a face of fear and pain
There's a knife in my back
that may never heal
as memories bleed away
a fate cut short
by a second thought
of little and nothing to him
Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never
Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you
Never
-KC
like a slow killing poison
you paralyze my core
extinguishing from the inside out
nothing remains worthy to save
smothered to nothing i am
your white horse revealed
as an impostor like you
foul, fake, and a fraud
baring nothing of worth
yet i fell for it heart, soul and mind
Sometimes i wonder if things could be different. But wondering and 'ifs' get you nowhere. They are tools of taunting; the making of fools; throwing salt in a pulsating wound.
I hate what you did, no few words can describe, and they haunt me day and night. In my dreams i'm reminded, in the day i recall all that you once said. I took it to heart: a mindless deed i regret. With my heart, with my soul with all that i have, i ache with indescribable pain.
~don't judge a cake by its frosting~
Scarred by your words
marked by your touch
no means of escape
no chance to ignore
like a part of me
you will not fade
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
[you] probably wouldn’t if [you] could . . .
Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting
-DC
There's a knife in my heart
where a promise use'ta be
not so long ago
words of assurance
replaced with disdain
with a face of fear and pain
There's a knife in my back
that may never heal
as memories bleed away
a fate cut short
by a second thought
of little and nothing to him
Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never
Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you
Never
-KC
like a slow killing poison
you paralyze my core
extinguishing from the inside out
nothing remains worthy to save
smothered to nothing i am
your white horse revealed
as an impostor like you
foul, fake, and a fraud
baring nothing of worth
yet i fell for it heart, soul and mind
Sometimes i wonder if things could be different. But wondering and 'ifs' get you nowhere. They are tools of taunting; the making of fools; throwing salt in a pulsating wound.
I hate what you did, no few words can describe, and they haunt me day and night. In my dreams i'm reminded, in the day i recall all that you once said. I took it to heart: a mindless deed i regret. With my heart, with my soul with all that i have, i ache with indescribable pain.
~don't judge a cake by its frosting~
Friday, December 7, 2007
Just Another Girl
Torn down by trust, not so easily gained
I’m just another girl
fallen for the lies of a boy
Broken and scarred, alone and forgotten,
I’m just another girl
used and abandoned
No trace of attendance, no need to recall
I’m just another girl
with erasable footprints
~thus is my fate~
I’m just another girl
fallen for the lies of a boy
Broken and scarred, alone and forgotten,
I’m just another girl
used and abandoned
No trace of attendance, no need to recall
I’m just another girl
with erasable footprints
~thus is my fate~
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Just Fiction
Luke and Lorelai met eight years ago. And since then, Luke has had a thing for Lorelai, which the entire town knew, but she remained completely oblivious to.
He watched her go from guy to guy: her running away for fear of commitment and ending it due to a certain lacking. No matter how hard she looked, the 'right one' seemed to remain far-too-well hidden. But Luke was always there for her when she was hurt and alone, offering comfort and even sometimes words of advice.
Finally, Luke made his move. And in doing so, Lorelai's eyes were opened: he captured the heart and entire being of Lorelai. He told her "Lorelai, this thing we're doing, i just want you to know, I am all in."
And so it seemed... things were going well, and it was very evident that Lorelai had fallen head-over-heals for the guy who had been right in front of her all along.
But all good things must come to an end. A problem came around, and Luke told Lorelai "I just need some time to figure things out." And so she backed off a bit, wanting so much to talk to him, but respecting his needs. Only days later, however, time was no longer what he needed. Instead, he informed her that he could no longer be in this relationship.
It had come out of left field: it had just been a small complication, something two people in a relationship should be able to overcome. But instead he decided it wasn't worth it.
Her heart broke.
Never before had Lorelai fallen apart over a boy. She disappeared into her house, where her friend later found her in bed, mourning the loss of someone she had believed to be 'the one'. She was devastated and ended up neglecting things that had once been important and even a priority in her life.
Now this would be a sad story if it ended here. But luckily for Luke and Lorelai, it didn't. (other's aren't as fortunate as them)
After a few weeks of Luke's foul mood and violent nature, he received a wake-up call from an unexpected source. He knew what he wanted, and he knew what he needed, and he no longer sat around pretending it was not true. He ran to Lorelai's door...
and they got to have their middle.
~some stories are meant to have a Happily Ever After~
He watched her go from guy to guy: her running away for fear of commitment and ending it due to a certain lacking. No matter how hard she looked, the 'right one' seemed to remain far-too-well hidden. But Luke was always there for her when she was hurt and alone, offering comfort and even sometimes words of advice.
Finally, Luke made his move. And in doing so, Lorelai's eyes were opened: he captured the heart and entire being of Lorelai. He told her "Lorelai, this thing we're doing, i just want you to know, I am all in."
And so it seemed... things were going well, and it was very evident that Lorelai had fallen head-over-heals for the guy who had been right in front of her all along.
But all good things must come to an end. A problem came around, and Luke told Lorelai "I just need some time to figure things out." And so she backed off a bit, wanting so much to talk to him, but respecting his needs. Only days later, however, time was no longer what he needed. Instead, he informed her that he could no longer be in this relationship.
It had come out of left field: it had just been a small complication, something two people in a relationship should be able to overcome. But instead he decided it wasn't worth it.
Her heart broke.
Never before had Lorelai fallen apart over a boy. She disappeared into her house, where her friend later found her in bed, mourning the loss of someone she had believed to be 'the one'. She was devastated and ended up neglecting things that had once been important and even a priority in her life.
Now this would be a sad story if it ended here. But luckily for Luke and Lorelai, it didn't. (other's aren't as fortunate as them)
After a few weeks of Luke's foul mood and violent nature, he received a wake-up call from an unexpected source. He knew what he wanted, and he knew what he needed, and he no longer sat around pretending it was not true. He ran to Lorelai's door...
and they got to have their middle.
~some stories are meant to have a Happily Ever After~
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Lights? Sirens? Action?
My house mate and i were sitting quietly in our living room this evening: she surfing the net (yet again) and i studying for my History final. Her phone started ringing somewhere in the distance of upstairs and being her distracted, practically-deaf self she didn't hear it, and then didn't run for it until it was too late.
When she got the phone and listened to the message left from a friend, it said "there is a creepy guy hanging out in front of your house, be safe!"
We looked at each other and she ran to lock our door, then we went to the window to see what we could see... there we found an ambulance, parked right in front of the house!! We called room mate number three to join in on the excitement/spying.
There was little to be seen. At least as far as we could tell.
One of the paramedics opened the passenger door, but then disappeared into an alleged side door on the opposite end of the ambulance, facing away from our curious eyes.
so, what did we do? grab our jackets and face the frigid Edmonton winter, of course! And all for the sake of some information...
but none was to be found.
~studying distracts from life~
When she got the phone and listened to the message left from a friend, it said "there is a creepy guy hanging out in front of your house, be safe!"
We looked at each other and she ran to lock our door, then we went to the window to see what we could see... there we found an ambulance, parked right in front of the house!! We called room mate number three to join in on the excitement/spying.
There was little to be seen. At least as far as we could tell.
One of the paramedics opened the passenger door, but then disappeared into an alleged side door on the opposite end of the ambulance, facing away from our curious eyes.
so, what did we do? grab our jackets and face the frigid Edmonton winter, of course! And all for the sake of some information...
but none was to be found.
~studying distracts from life~
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Reality Uncensored
Wanting him is hard to get.
Loving him is hard to regret.
Losing him is hard to accept.
But with all the hurt I've felt,
Letting go is the most painful yet...
I was happy: happier than i had been in a long time. I felt wanted, needed, important... I, for the first time ever, had something i knew i wanted, something to work towards and planned to one day reach. I felt like i had a purpose.
I had never cared for someone else like that before, it felt so real yet, simultaneously, so far away and unattainable. It was everything people said it would be and more.
Nothing hurts more than realising he meant everything to you,
but you meant nothing to him.
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds
ps.147:3
Now that it's done i want to move on, to heal, but i don't want to forget the happiness i once felt. I'm discovering that both, concurrently, are impossible. Move on, or remember girl... it's time to choose.
A heart is not a play thing,
A heart is not a toy,
But if you want it broken,
just give it to a boy.
It's hard though, when everything you do and everything you see somehow reminds you of him and times you shared or plans you had. It's like i need to erase my mind completely, to forget how much this meant to me, and how much i believed in it...
~you can't hold on forever~
Loving him is hard to regret.
Losing him is hard to accept.
But with all the hurt I've felt,
Letting go is the most painful yet...
I was happy: happier than i had been in a long time. I felt wanted, needed, important... I, for the first time ever, had something i knew i wanted, something to work towards and planned to one day reach. I felt like i had a purpose.
I had never cared for someone else like that before, it felt so real yet, simultaneously, so far away and unattainable. It was everything people said it would be and more.
Nothing hurts more than realising he meant everything to you,
but you meant nothing to him.
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds
ps.147:3
Now that it's done i want to move on, to heal, but i don't want to forget the happiness i once felt. I'm discovering that both, concurrently, are impossible. Move on, or remember girl... it's time to choose.
A heart is not a play thing,
A heart is not a toy,
But if you want it broken,
just give it to a boy.
It's hard though, when everything you do and everything you see somehow reminds you of him and times you shared or plans you had. It's like i need to erase my mind completely, to forget how much this meant to me, and how much i believed in it...
~you can't hold on forever~
Thursday, November 29, 2007
I'm Not Ok (I Promise)
Today was supposed to be a day to celebrate, to be happy about. Reaching it all in one piece having not run away, but having grown closer.
A day to look forward to what was to come.
I ate your lies right out of the palm of your hand...
There was still so much left to be done, so much left to say. I'm sorry i left it for another day. I shoulda known there would only be so many 'other days' before the end.
dreams are shattered
trust terminated
a world of possibilities
forgotten
there's a whole in my heart
where i wanted you to be
Never
Never again
Falling in love is like falling off a building: it dosen’t hurt till the end.
~what about the Great wall of China~
A day to look forward to what was to come.
I ate your lies right out of the palm of your hand...
There was still so much left to be done, so much left to say. I'm sorry i left it for another day. I shoulda known there would only be so many 'other days' before the end.
dreams are shattered
trust terminated
a world of possibilities
forgotten
there's a whole in my heart
where i wanted you to be
Never
Never again
Falling in love is like falling off a building: it dosen’t hurt till the end.
~what about the Great wall of China~
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Like a Fool
And to think that just a few weeks ago i was considering writing a persuasive essay where i would argue the advantages of falling in love. I must have lost my head, forgotten myself, drank something strong!
For the one that once brought me such joy, such warmth such hope has become the cause of all my pain
There Is No Good Reason
I Should Have To Be So Alone
I'm Smothered By This Emptiness
Lord I Wish I Was Made Of Stone
Like I Fool I Lent My Soul To Love
And It Paid Me Back In Change
God Help Me
Am I The Only One Who's Ever Felt This Way?
A Heart That's Worn And Weathered
Would Know Better Than To Fight
But I Wore Mine Like A Weapon
Played Out Love Like A Crime
And It Wrung Me Out And Strung Me Out
And It Hung Years On My Face
God Help Me
Am I The Only One Who's Ever Felt This Way?
Now My Sense Of Humor Needs A Break
I See A Shadow In The Mirror
And She's Laughin' Through Her Tears
One More Smile's All I Can Fake
There Is A Wound Inside Me
And It's Bleeding Like A Flood
There's Times When I See A Light Ahead
Hope Is Not Enough
As Another Night Surrounds Me
And It Pounds Me Like A Wave
God Help Me
Am I The Only One Who's Ever Felt This Way?
~what happened to being your Princess?~
For the one that once brought me such joy, such warmth such hope has become the cause of all my pain
There Is No Good Reason
I Should Have To Be So Alone
I'm Smothered By This Emptiness
Lord I Wish I Was Made Of Stone
Like I Fool I Lent My Soul To Love
And It Paid Me Back In Change
God Help Me
Am I The Only One Who's Ever Felt This Way?
A Heart That's Worn And Weathered
Would Know Better Than To Fight
But I Wore Mine Like A Weapon
Played Out Love Like A Crime
And It Wrung Me Out And Strung Me Out
And It Hung Years On My Face
God Help Me
Am I The Only One Who's Ever Felt This Way?
Now My Sense Of Humor Needs A Break
I See A Shadow In The Mirror
And She's Laughin' Through Her Tears
One More Smile's All I Can Fake
There Is A Wound Inside Me
And It's Bleeding Like A Flood
There's Times When I See A Light Ahead
Hope Is Not Enough
As Another Night Surrounds Me
And It Pounds Me Like A Wave
God Help Me
Am I The Only One Who's Ever Felt This Way?
~what happened to being your Princess?~
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
movin' on...
and do you know WHY it came out of left field?!
BECAUSE you told me i had nothing to WORRY ABOUT!
yet another reason to forget the trust thing
Ive sure enjoyed the rain
But Im looking forward to the sun
You have to feel the pain
When you lose the love you gave someone
I thought by now the time
Would take away these lonely tears
I hope youre doing fine all alone,
But where do I go from here cause
Without you Im not okay
And without you
Ive lost my way
My hearts stuck
In second place oh
Without you
~this is going to take a while~
BECAUSE you told me i had nothing to WORRY ABOUT!
yet another reason to forget the trust thing
Ive sure enjoyed the rain
But Im looking forward to the sun
You have to feel the pain
When you lose the love you gave someone
I thought by now the time
Would take away these lonely tears
I hope youre doing fine all alone,
But where do I go from here cause
Without you Im not okay
And without you
Ive lost my way
My hearts stuck
In second place oh
Without you
~this is going to take a while~
Monday, November 26, 2007
I was diggin' on him but he wasn't on me
I took a chance like you said... and look where it got me.
I was born the day you kissed me
And I died inside the night you left me
But I lived, oh how I lived
While you loved me
you said "have i ever given you a reason not to trust me..."
well, now you have
I'm out here on my own
Feeling lost and all alone
I'm mad that you were gone
All my friends are moving on
I'll miss you forever
I'll miss you always
Good bye is so hard
But I'll say it anyway
The silence after
this disaster
Can't keep my laughter from healing all my pain
Time stands still
Every time
You come to mind
Just like
It did that day
when you chose to walk away
i knew my gut knew more than you, that you were, after all, just a guy...
And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath--to forget
I guess i was just being unrealistic and naive; dreams and promises are never meant to come true, only to feed that short-lived happiness.
See me through, see me through
This aching heart has come so far
To be with, see me through
With angel eyes, just look inside
At all this love I never want to lose
See me through
I guess i was right... we weren't on the same page. And now i'll know what it's like for a fear to come true. (i'm never right... why did it have to be THIS time)
I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me
Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life
~i didn't want to lose you~
I was born the day you kissed me
And I died inside the night you left me
But I lived, oh how I lived
While you loved me
you said "have i ever given you a reason not to trust me..."
well, now you have
I'm out here on my own
Feeling lost and all alone
I'm mad that you were gone
All my friends are moving on
I'll miss you forever
I'll miss you always
Good bye is so hard
But I'll say it anyway
The silence after
this disaster
Can't keep my laughter from healing all my pain
Time stands still
Every time
You come to mind
Just like
It did that day
when you chose to walk away
i knew my gut knew more than you, that you were, after all, just a guy...
And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath--to forget
I guess i was just being unrealistic and naive; dreams and promises are never meant to come true, only to feed that short-lived happiness.
See me through, see me through
This aching heart has come so far
To be with, see me through
With angel eyes, just look inside
At all this love I never want to lose
See me through
I guess i was right... we weren't on the same page. And now i'll know what it's like for a fear to come true. (i'm never right... why did it have to be THIS time)
I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me
Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life
~i didn't want to lose you~
Friday, November 23, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Good Bye Suicide
Ah, the extended weekend (aka fall break or Remembrance Day Long Weekend), put in place to relieve some stress and prevent students' suicidel tendencies. Great amounts of work are often piled upon students at this time, all to be accomplished promptly upon returning to school. but doesn't that defeat the purpose?!
As for me, my weekend was blissfully spent, far away from school and pending homework.
A visit to the Canadian Rockies with a special someone was perfected with the glorious coating of sticky, wet snow. We saw wildlife, slipped and slid across the roads, walked in the snow, visited a Chocolatory (is that what is was?), had a picnic in the truck and did donuts through the parking lot and on the side of the highway. Oh, and i mustn't forget the getting stuck in the ditch!
All in all, the mountains turned out to be a spectacular time.
A trip to the movie theatre opened my eyes to something, I look younger than i am!
Upon reaching the counter to pay for my ticket, i was ID-ed! Do I not look 18?! I was kinda shocked, and somewhat insulted. But after thinking about it, i realized that, in a way, it's what i want: to look younger than i am. Not 3 years younger, but i'll survive, and one day i'll be glad of it.
~the weekend's results: my continuing to live and as a younger looking person~
As for me, my weekend was blissfully spent, far away from school and pending homework.
A visit to the Canadian Rockies with a special someone was perfected with the glorious coating of sticky, wet snow. We saw wildlife, slipped and slid across the roads, walked in the snow, visited a Chocolatory (is that what is was?), had a picnic in the truck and did donuts through the parking lot and on the side of the highway. Oh, and i mustn't forget the getting stuck in the ditch!
All in all, the mountains turned out to be a spectacular time.
A trip to the movie theatre opened my eyes to something, I look younger than i am!
Upon reaching the counter to pay for my ticket, i was ID-ed! Do I not look 18?! I was kinda shocked, and somewhat insulted. But after thinking about it, i realized that, in a way, it's what i want: to look younger than i am. Not 3 years younger, but i'll survive, and one day i'll be glad of it.
~the weekend's results: my continuing to live and as a younger looking person~
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Mom's Kitchen
The door opens to a chilly, disordered entrance; shoes of all shapes and sizes are sprawled across the floor and piled haphazardly beneath the bench, the stained mat askew below the chaos. Hallways branch to the left and right, but the end of the tunnel urges onward, away from the possible locations waiting in alternative directions. An enticingly warm brightness, a light worthy of a heavenly chorus invites you on, only to wrap you in a celestial aroma. Found here is the end of pain, suffering, sadness and hunger, for in the light, you are embraced into the renowned Mom’s Kitchen.
A tin, handpainted sign of red and turquoise displaying the words “Mom’s Diner: Open 24/7” is a welcoming sight. A long, rich, cedar table commands the eating area. With room enough for the family of six, (in addition to the ever constant and unpredictable flow of guests) the table is a promising scene. The ample amount of space and variety and quantity of homemade cooking and baking are constants. For their presence is the one thing never amiss in Mom’s Kitchen.
A favourite time is the anticipation of a holiday, Christmas being the most eventful of all. Beginning the first day of December, the white marble countertops become the atelier of a master, piled high with pans, bowls, spoons, and measuring instruments: the tools of a culinary artist. Dainties are on their way! The persistent spins and clatters of the first class Kitchen Chef Mixer soothe the mind and excite the stomach. The anticipation brought on from Mom’s brewing desserts recalls the footprints of each carefully tasted treat of the past. The flavour is suddenly fresh, as if it had only been moments since its presence on the tongue.
Hours pass, absorbed with diligent work, swift movements and enticing scents which emanate through the house. An outsider’s perspective would be of pure chaos, but Mom knows the exact and perfect placement of every ingredient. Each recipe, having been done countless times in the past, is second nature to her; recipe books are no longer required. The four young children anticipate the end with anxiety, ready to rise at any and all occasion to the task of taste-testing. Never have there been more willing subjects then for such a cause as this: the premature chance of savouring such delicacies entitles extreme boasting privileges.
The dainties, arranged on every available tray, plate and rack, are piled around the kitchen and line the counters and table. The chocolate coating is slowly setting on the Nanaimo bars and brownies; the icing on the sugar cookies is hardening to perfection, and the petite cakes are cooling to the ideal thickness; any sudden movement threatens to upset them.
The end is a celebrated occasion. At last the queen of chefs has a chance to unwind, take a seat and enjoy the work that has taken days to accomplish. The scents of sweets remain in the air and fallen crumbs are strewn under the table. Plates of chewy brownies, sugar cookies that melt in your mouth, chocolate drop cookies, thick, creamy fudge and Nanaimo bars sit on the table, free for all to sample at will; all other batches are stored for another day. The time when the treasure is once again presented before the people is a special one, one worthy only of the finest. And the finest is what they will receive.
A tin, handpainted sign of red and turquoise displaying the words “Mom’s Diner: Open 24/7” is a welcoming sight. A long, rich, cedar table commands the eating area. With room enough for the family of six, (in addition to the ever constant and unpredictable flow of guests) the table is a promising scene. The ample amount of space and variety and quantity of homemade cooking and baking are constants. For their presence is the one thing never amiss in Mom’s Kitchen.
A favourite time is the anticipation of a holiday, Christmas being the most eventful of all. Beginning the first day of December, the white marble countertops become the atelier of a master, piled high with pans, bowls, spoons, and measuring instruments: the tools of a culinary artist. Dainties are on their way! The persistent spins and clatters of the first class Kitchen Chef Mixer soothe the mind and excite the stomach. The anticipation brought on from Mom’s brewing desserts recalls the footprints of each carefully tasted treat of the past. The flavour is suddenly fresh, as if it had only been moments since its presence on the tongue.
Hours pass, absorbed with diligent work, swift movements and enticing scents which emanate through the house. An outsider’s perspective would be of pure chaos, but Mom knows the exact and perfect placement of every ingredient. Each recipe, having been done countless times in the past, is second nature to her; recipe books are no longer required. The four young children anticipate the end with anxiety, ready to rise at any and all occasion to the task of taste-testing. Never have there been more willing subjects then for such a cause as this: the premature chance of savouring such delicacies entitles extreme boasting privileges.
The dainties, arranged on every available tray, plate and rack, are piled around the kitchen and line the counters and table. The chocolate coating is slowly setting on the Nanaimo bars and brownies; the icing on the sugar cookies is hardening to perfection, and the petite cakes are cooling to the ideal thickness; any sudden movement threatens to upset them.
The end is a celebrated occasion. At last the queen of chefs has a chance to unwind, take a seat and enjoy the work that has taken days to accomplish. The scents of sweets remain in the air and fallen crumbs are strewn under the table. Plates of chewy brownies, sugar cookies that melt in your mouth, chocolate drop cookies, thick, creamy fudge and Nanaimo bars sit on the table, free for all to sample at will; all other batches are stored for another day. The time when the treasure is once again presented before the people is a special one, one worthy only of the finest. And the finest is what they will receive.
Monday, October 29, 2007
4 weeks + 3 days = 1 Month
It seems like yesterday... a day at the zoo, strong arms of constant support, an evening in a skirt; a weekend of pure bliss. That face, those eyes gazing so intently, as if there was nothing more important or captivating, even when the belly dancer entered the scene.
Based on the past, i should be engolfed in fear: hard of breathing, sweaty palms and avoiding all aspects of the relationship... but you know what they say: rules were set to be broken!
Instead of panic, i anticipate what is to come. While i remain cautious in my entering these uncharted territories i'm now driven by somthing new.
~A heart don't forget somethin' like that~
Based on the past, i should be engolfed in fear: hard of breathing, sweaty palms and avoiding all aspects of the relationship... but you know what they say: rules were set to be broken!
Instead of panic, i anticipate what is to come. While i remain cautious in my entering these uncharted territories i'm now driven by somthing new.
~A heart don't forget somethin' like that~
Friday, October 26, 2007
Keith, i look good in your shirt!
And maybe it's a little too early
To know if this is gonna work
All I know is you're sure looking
Good in my shirt
That's right
You look good in my shirt
Today is the day to celebrate! The date of birth of an extraordinary and an exceptionally talented Aussie! The man who has been the main object of my desires since the 22nd of September, is entering a new stage of his life. The 'over the hill' stage, to many means that it's all down hill from here. But to a man, who's had increasing success in his career and recently 'defeated his demons' there is only more greatness to come.
So today, in honour of one of my favourite artists, and a truley remarkable man... hats off and shirts on for Keith Urban :)
~i want to steal your attention like a bad outlaw~
To know if this is gonna work
All I know is you're sure looking
Good in my shirt
That's right
You look good in my shirt
Today is the day to celebrate! The date of birth of an extraordinary and an exceptionally talented Aussie! The man who has been the main object of my desires since the 22nd of September, is entering a new stage of his life. The 'over the hill' stage, to many means that it's all down hill from here. But to a man, who's had increasing success in his career and recently 'defeated his demons' there is only more greatness to come.
So today, in honour of one of my favourite artists, and a truley remarkable man... hats off and shirts on for Keith Urban :)
~i want to steal your attention like a bad outlaw~
Monday, October 22, 2007
The Four Letter Word
Recently i was informed that falling in love "is a conscious choice."
My first thought was of disappointment! I've always dreamt of one day waking up and realizing that "i'm in love"-- an epiphany!
Then, I thought about it... and i looked up the definition of 'fall'. One dictionary defined it: "move downward, typically rapidly and freely without control"
So would that not suggest that it is an involuntary action (also a quick action, but we can save that thought for later)?! Not something you can control or choose to transpire.
While my informant admitted that you could unconsciously fall in love, he went on to state that it is this kind of love that ends in divorces. "if you can't control falling in love, what's to prevent [you] falling in love [with someone else] once you're married" but in contrast, if you knowingly "invest in someone, and decide that you want to love them, then love will grow"
So maybe, it's a conscious decision, as in you consent to it occurring, but you are unaware of the exact time it will come to pass.
A good, happy medium :)
--SURPRISE yourself--
My first thought was of disappointment! I've always dreamt of one day waking up and realizing that "i'm in love"-- an epiphany!
Then, I thought about it... and i looked up the definition of 'fall'. One dictionary defined it: "move downward, typically rapidly and freely without control"
So would that not suggest that it is an involuntary action (also a quick action, but we can save that thought for later)?! Not something you can control or choose to transpire.
While my informant admitted that you could unconsciously fall in love, he went on to state that it is this kind of love that ends in divorces. "if you can't control falling in love, what's to prevent [you] falling in love [with someone else] once you're married" but in contrast, if you knowingly "invest in someone, and decide that you want to love them, then love will grow"
So maybe, it's a conscious decision, as in you consent to it occurring, but you are unaware of the exact time it will come to pass.
A good, happy medium :)
--SURPRISE yourself--
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Progress Report: I am Missing you Today
~Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt; sing like nobody's listening. Live like it's heaven on earth~ Mark Twain
Life is a series of adventures. Some points more exhilarating than others, but in the end it fits together, like a puzzle, forming one great adventure. Sometimes fear holds us back, and when we realize it, we're filled with regret. But, learning from those mistakes, we can use that regret to lead us on with full force.
I laid in bed that night and thought about the day
And how my life is like a roller coaster ride
The ups and downs and crazy turns along the way
It'll throw you off if you don't hold on tight
You can't really smile until you've shed some tears
I could die today or I might live on for years
(Darryl Worley)
Recently a friend of mine I were discussing Blessings in Disguises.
The feeling of Pain that is so intense you feel as if you will never be freed. Like a fat man who's set up his home on your chest; it seems hopeless. But after time, the man decides to move on. You begin to realize that if he hadn't of chosen that time to 'interrupt' your plans, things would have turned out completely different.
His setting up residence on your chest stopped you from following your crazy significant other on an 'adventure' that landed him/her in jail.
or stopped you from taking a job that paid a lot, but not what you wanted to do. And just a few months later another offer presented itself. This time your DREAM job...
bad things happen, it's inevitable, but they happen for a reason... so for now, just be thankful that the man will not stay forever.
~I love this crazy, tragic,
Sometimes almost magic,
Awful, beautful life~
Life is a series of adventures. Some points more exhilarating than others, but in the end it fits together, like a puzzle, forming one great adventure. Sometimes fear holds us back, and when we realize it, we're filled with regret. But, learning from those mistakes, we can use that regret to lead us on with full force.
I laid in bed that night and thought about the day
And how my life is like a roller coaster ride
The ups and downs and crazy turns along the way
It'll throw you off if you don't hold on tight
You can't really smile until you've shed some tears
I could die today or I might live on for years
(Darryl Worley)
Recently a friend of mine I were discussing Blessings in Disguises.
The feeling of Pain that is so intense you feel as if you will never be freed. Like a fat man who's set up his home on your chest; it seems hopeless. But after time, the man decides to move on. You begin to realize that if he hadn't of chosen that time to 'interrupt' your plans, things would have turned out completely different.
His setting up residence on your chest stopped you from following your crazy significant other on an 'adventure' that landed him/her in jail.
or stopped you from taking a job that paid a lot, but not what you wanted to do. And just a few months later another offer presented itself. This time your DREAM job...
bad things happen, it's inevitable, but they happen for a reason... so for now, just be thankful that the man will not stay forever.
~I love this crazy, tragic,
Sometimes almost magic,
Awful, beautful life~
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
*Hint Hint*
Writing 12 papers in 3 months at first just seemed absurd. I looked at my schedule with a knot in the bit of my stomach, knowing that nothing good could come of this arrangement; being the master of procrastination and the closest thing to ADD without ACTUALLY receiving a formal diagnosis, dedication and hard work is hard to come by.
If nothing else, i'm guaranteed to go away from this semester with less sleep and sore but fit fingers.
Life continues to flip flop, zigzag and spin out of control.
Upon returning from Thanksgiving with family #2, one of my Best Friends announced her engagement! Actually, it was less of an announcement and more of a *squeal* and *smack* (me jumping on her and falling to the ground). None-the-less, there are now 3 wedding magazines scattered throughout our apartment!
The topic of colours, dresses, guests and food seem to materialize out of the most boring conversations. Readings and papers are forgotten for discussions on the Perfect Date (which is no help in the extensive-amount-of-papers department)
~It is no question how our house got the name The Asylum~
If nothing else, i'm guaranteed to go away from this semester with less sleep and sore but fit fingers.
Life continues to flip flop, zigzag and spin out of control.
Upon returning from Thanksgiving with family #2, one of my Best Friends announced her engagement! Actually, it was less of an announcement and more of a *squeal* and *smack* (me jumping on her and falling to the ground). None-the-less, there are now 3 wedding magazines scattered throughout our apartment!
The topic of colours, dresses, guests and food seem to materialize out of the most boring conversations. Readings and papers are forgotten for discussions on the Perfect Date (which is no help in the extensive-amount-of-papers department)
~It is no question how our house got the name The Asylum~
Monday, October 1, 2007
Welcome to the Truth
So much to be said... but no way to voice it. I guess it is times like this when you discover who or what you really are.
A writer is someone who is able to articulate their feelings, no matter the situation or circumstances. Then there are the dreamers and wannabes trying to deceive the world into believing that they are authentic.
But in the end they fail.
It is a reality to many. Some are in denial to the truth... but others slowly and surely work their way to this realization. They live on... for they have no other choice.
Everyone has a gift- even if they are not yet aware of it.
~live; laugh; love- SMILE~
A writer is someone who is able to articulate their feelings, no matter the situation or circumstances. Then there are the dreamers and wannabes trying to deceive the world into believing that they are authentic.
But in the end they fail.
It is a reality to many. Some are in denial to the truth... but others slowly and surely work their way to this realization. They live on... for they have no other choice.
Everyone has a gift- even if they are not yet aware of it.
~live; laugh; love- SMILE~
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Time to Open our eyes- lets Move
(now i don't mean to sound preachy or judgmental- they are just some thoughts, and it's as much for me as you [if not more])
‘People aren’t confused by the Gospel, they are confused by us.
Jesus is the only way to God, but we are not the only way to Jesus.
This world does not need my tie, my hoodie, my denomination or my translation of the Bible.- They need Jesus.
We can be passionate about what we believe but we can’t strap ourselves to the Gospel, cause we’re slowing it down.
Jesus IS going to save the world, but maybe the best thing we can do is just get out of the way...’
- “What this World Needs”, Casting Crowns
The other day I was ‘studying’ and listening to the new Casting Crowns album: The Alter and the Door.
The song “What this World Needs” came on. I stopped, and re-winded (is it still called that when it’s all on the computer?) and re-listened to it.
It kinda hit home with me. Two parts especially.
(1) “This world does not need... my denomination”: Lately I have found that people put FAR too much emphasis and importance on their denomination. But aren’t we all serving the same God, aren’t we all set free by the same Saviour- Jesus?
Sure we may be pleased with how our church serves our needs, but isn’t the church the people, and isn’t the point of the church to serve others, not for it to serve us...
(2) “... they are confused by us”: Is it not our responsibility and our desire as Christians to strive to imitate Jesus. (Eph. 5:1) Should not all our actions and words be in love. Should we not be accepting, and understanding, ready to share what God has done for us with those who are lost and seeking answers.
In 1 Peter 3:15 Peter says “... Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect”
We are different. We have a purpose in our life- to Glorify God in all we do. Can we share that without pushing, judging of bring hypocrites?
As Christians, we have been chosen from this world, we do not serve the gods they serve, but instead we serve the One True God.
1 John 2:15-16 says
“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world-the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-comes not from the Father but from the world.”
This means we should not participate in the those worldly activities the world has come to worship.
The lessons we preach should be seen in our actions. “You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?”
Now, i know we aren’t perfect, we are far from it for “we have all sinned and fall short of the Glory of God”. But can’t we try, can’t we have something to strive for... shouldn't we all have a mission...
~i want to set an example~
‘People aren’t confused by the Gospel, they are confused by us.
Jesus is the only way to God, but we are not the only way to Jesus.
This world does not need my tie, my hoodie, my denomination or my translation of the Bible.- They need Jesus.
We can be passionate about what we believe but we can’t strap ourselves to the Gospel, cause we’re slowing it down.
Jesus IS going to save the world, but maybe the best thing we can do is just get out of the way...’
- “What this World Needs”, Casting Crowns
The other day I was ‘studying’ and listening to the new Casting Crowns album: The Alter and the Door.
The song “What this World Needs” came on. I stopped, and re-winded (is it still called that when it’s all on the computer?) and re-listened to it.
It kinda hit home with me. Two parts especially.
(1) “This world does not need... my denomination”: Lately I have found that people put FAR too much emphasis and importance on their denomination. But aren’t we all serving the same God, aren’t we all set free by the same Saviour- Jesus?
Sure we may be pleased with how our church serves our needs, but isn’t the church the people, and isn’t the point of the church to serve others, not for it to serve us...
(2) “... they are confused by us”: Is it not our responsibility and our desire as Christians to strive to imitate Jesus. (Eph. 5:1) Should not all our actions and words be in love. Should we not be accepting, and understanding, ready to share what God has done for us with those who are lost and seeking answers.
In 1 Peter 3:15 Peter says “... Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect”
We are different. We have a purpose in our life- to Glorify God in all we do. Can we share that without pushing, judging of bring hypocrites?
As Christians, we have been chosen from this world, we do not serve the gods they serve, but instead we serve the One True God.
1 John 2:15-16 says
“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world-the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-comes not from the Father but from the world.”
This means we should not participate in the those worldly activities the world has come to worship.
The lessons we preach should be seen in our actions. “You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?”
Now, i know we aren’t perfect, we are far from it for “we have all sinned and fall short of the Glory of God”. But can’t we try, can’t we have something to strive for... shouldn't we all have a mission...
~i want to set an example~
Thursday, September 13, 2007
i Feel a Change in the Wind, says i!
Oh the joys of making life decisions. Knowing that whatever is decided will affect the remainder of your life indefinitely. ah :| !
I was never good at making my own decisions. Up until 9th grade, my best friend would analyze the situation for me then [forcefully] guide me in the direction she saw best suited for me. Basically i had no backbone. But i didn't mind. Life was much simpler when all i had to worry about was whether or not my alarm would wake me in the morning (though if it failed to do so, my mother would always finish off the job).
Things have changed a bit since then. I no longer live with my mother, so more is resting on my ability to properly set an alarm clock; I've learned to make some changes in my life without the constant opinions of others influencing each step; the choices i am now faced with seem so much more crucial then the ones i once faced in elementary and high school.
Basically i feel as if i'm standing on the ledge of a cliff, staring down into the unknown...
~perhaps i should invest in one of those 'crazy eight balls', they always have an answer to your questions!~
I was never good at making my own decisions. Up until 9th grade, my best friend would analyze the situation for me then [forcefully] guide me in the direction she saw best suited for me. Basically i had no backbone. But i didn't mind. Life was much simpler when all i had to worry about was whether or not my alarm would wake me in the morning (though if it failed to do so, my mother would always finish off the job).
Things have changed a bit since then. I no longer live with my mother, so more is resting on my ability to properly set an alarm clock; I've learned to make some changes in my life without the constant opinions of others influencing each step; the choices i am now faced with seem so much more crucial then the ones i once faced in elementary and high school.
Basically i feel as if i'm standing on the ledge of a cliff, staring down into the unknown...
~perhaps i should invest in one of those 'crazy eight balls', they always have an answer to your questions!~
Monday, August 27, 2007
Alberta Bound
A summer of whims. These and thats, losts and founds, pains and healings.
What more could one want or ask for.
Friends reunited, 'friends' torn apart, continuing the vicious circle of life. Each day a new day; lessons to be learned, truths to be discovered.
A summer of surprises and awakenings. Nothing following the road laid down in dreams and plans. Paths of all shapes and sizes jet out of the road, some detouring at such colossal distances from the original, it seems impossible to trace.
Omitting once vital pieces of the past and accepting some holes may never be replenished.
Simultaneously discovering new bits, keen to be explored. Captivating each atom with curiosity of a faceless power.
New wonders await 'round the approaching bend, cautious, yet eager. Remembering days gone, but dwelling not upon them.
Willing and waiting for revisions of the past. Arms open to change. While fear continues to grip hard at the edges, something stronger lurks inside.
~dancing on the edge of uncertainty~
What more could one want or ask for.
Friends reunited, 'friends' torn apart, continuing the vicious circle of life. Each day a new day; lessons to be learned, truths to be discovered.
A summer of surprises and awakenings. Nothing following the road laid down in dreams and plans. Paths of all shapes and sizes jet out of the road, some detouring at such colossal distances from the original, it seems impossible to trace.
Omitting once vital pieces of the past and accepting some holes may never be replenished.
Simultaneously discovering new bits, keen to be explored. Captivating each atom with curiosity of a faceless power.
New wonders await 'round the approaching bend, cautious, yet eager. Remembering days gone, but dwelling not upon them.
Willing and waiting for revisions of the past. Arms open to change. While fear continues to grip hard at the edges, something stronger lurks inside.
~dancing on the edge of uncertainty~
Monday, August 6, 2007
Petal to the Metal
Part of having my drivers license and living at home is assisting in the chauffeuring of the younger siblings.
One particular evening, when i was complying to the practices of my household, i was driving my sister's non-boyfriend home. His home is situated in the country reached only by a number of long, back, dirt roads.
So off we went, the tunes turned up and voices loud.
We were heading down the last of these roads, rounding one of the final bends, when we met a car.
Now, it is a common tradition to drive down the middle of a dirt road. When we met this other car it just so happened that both of us were practicing the driving-in-the-center-of-the-dirt-road technique. Luckily we both swerved in time and carried on our way.
Once we had recovered from our near fatal experience, we noticed that the truck we passed was "The Salmon Truck".
The Salmon Truck is practically a celebrity in our family. Every time we pass it on the street someone yells out "the salmon truck!". It also happens to be my sister's non-boyfriend's truck.
"there goes my mom to pick me up" the non-boyfriend stated from the back seat.
"should we stop her?"
"i guess so"
and thence commenced our car chase.
We turned around as quickly as possible, but "The Salmon Truck" was already out of sight. So back around the twists and turns we raced, gaining speed incessantly. Finally "The Salmon Truck" came into view. Pressing down hard on to the gas, the space between us quickly closed. It was decided that the waving through the windshield, which we had been doing for the last couple of kilometers, was futile and so we switched to honking the horn.
We were getting close to town now and non-boyfriend's mother had still failed to notice us, despite our enthusiastic honking.
We finally reached the traffic lights marking the town boarders. We pulled into the left-hand turning lane and rolled down our window, she followed suit.
"we have him in the back" we called to her.
"oh" she looked into the back seat of our SUV, "i thought you'd drop him off at home"
~boy's will do anything for a car chase~
One particular evening, when i was complying to the practices of my household, i was driving my sister's non-boyfriend home. His home is situated in the country reached only by a number of long, back, dirt roads.
So off we went, the tunes turned up and voices loud.
We were heading down the last of these roads, rounding one of the final bends, when we met a car.
Now, it is a common tradition to drive down the middle of a dirt road. When we met this other car it just so happened that both of us were practicing the driving-in-the-center-of-the-dirt-road technique. Luckily we both swerved in time and carried on our way.
Once we had recovered from our near fatal experience, we noticed that the truck we passed was "The Salmon Truck".
The Salmon Truck is practically a celebrity in our family. Every time we pass it on the street someone yells out "the salmon truck!". It also happens to be my sister's non-boyfriend's truck.
"there goes my mom to pick me up" the non-boyfriend stated from the back seat.
"should we stop her?"
"i guess so"
and thence commenced our car chase.
We turned around as quickly as possible, but "The Salmon Truck" was already out of sight. So back around the twists and turns we raced, gaining speed incessantly. Finally "The Salmon Truck" came into view. Pressing down hard on to the gas, the space between us quickly closed. It was decided that the waving through the windshield, which we had been doing for the last couple of kilometers, was futile and so we switched to honking the horn.
We were getting close to town now and non-boyfriend's mother had still failed to notice us, despite our enthusiastic honking.
We finally reached the traffic lights marking the town boarders. We pulled into the left-hand turning lane and rolled down our window, she followed suit.
"we have him in the back" we called to her.
"oh" she looked into the back seat of our SUV, "i thought you'd drop him off at home"
~boy's will do anything for a car chase~
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Subliminal Messages
Life is a highway
I wanna ride it all night long
If you're going my way
I wanna drive it all night long
Life is a series of roads. Upon reaching a fork in your present road you are faced with the need to make a decision. There are various ways to come to this conclusion regarding the succeeding path you'd wish to follow. Some have a guide and some a map, some flip a coin and some continue on blindly- completely oblivious to where they are headed. The selected direction is not always the optimal course. But there is no turning back.
I've been wrong but I've been changing
I've been wondering what to do
Here I am alone and waiting
For you
Everyone makes mistakes, some more than others. Some are quick to learn from wrong turns, while it takes others many more before they catch on.
I know that i have made mistakes. I've been an obstinate driver, unwilling to check directions, ask for help or invite others to come along with me. It has taken years to gain control of my unbending ways, and at times, i still turn back. I've learned that while these roads have twists, turns and potholes, in the end i am going to be ok. I have a Guide and a map, which is all i truly need.
~am i holding this map upside down?~
I wanna ride it all night long
If you're going my way
I wanna drive it all night long
Life is a series of roads. Upon reaching a fork in your present road you are faced with the need to make a decision. There are various ways to come to this conclusion regarding the succeeding path you'd wish to follow. Some have a guide and some a map, some flip a coin and some continue on blindly- completely oblivious to where they are headed. The selected direction is not always the optimal course. But there is no turning back.
I've been wrong but I've been changing
I've been wondering what to do
Here I am alone and waiting
For you
Everyone makes mistakes, some more than others. Some are quick to learn from wrong turns, while it takes others many more before they catch on.
I know that i have made mistakes. I've been an obstinate driver, unwilling to check directions, ask for help or invite others to come along with me. It has taken years to gain control of my unbending ways, and at times, i still turn back. I've learned that while these roads have twists, turns and potholes, in the end i am going to be ok. I have a Guide and a map, which is all i truly need.
~am i holding this map upside down?~
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
It is all about Freedom of Expression
Home is a place where you are supposed to be comfortable, to feel safe and freely express yourself without having to worry about judgments.
And home, to me, is just that. During my time alone at home is an extreme example of comfort and expression. It is during these times i usually keep the blinds down and the doors locked, offering protection to not only myself but also my neighbours and innocent passerby's.
Last night however, i made a critical error in the execution of my plans...
Upon returning from my evening walk with the dog i was quite warm. I decided to take advantage of the emptiness, so i shed a layer of clothing. I went about the remainder of the evening in my sweat pants and bra thinking nothing more of it. I let the dog out with the bone, cleaned the Chinchilla's cage, did some dishes, talked on the phone... it was a simple evening as far as i was concerned. When i finally looked at the clock and noticed the time, i was reminded of my date with the dog at 6:30 the next morning. I decided to head to bed. It was then that i remembered "oh right, the dog is outside... untied" and as if on cue, i heard the barking!
Out to the back porch i went calling his name... no response. I listened. It was coming from the front.
I ran through the house and went to throw open the front door, but just before doing so i turned the the left and noticed my reflection in the mirror- I was topless!
The dog was now going down the drive way, barking at a pedestrian. I turned away from the mirror and threw open the door praying it would be nice and dark out there. I did my best to hide my self behind the beast (our SUV), but the dog wasn't in the mood to listen.
Then i noticed who the person was- my friend's hot, older brother.
"Hi Lauren" he says.
I would like to say that i responded with something cool and collected, but i honestly remember nothing after that until i was back in the house. Maybe he didn't notice my wardrobe.
And so went my lesson in dress...
~next time i decide to prance around in my bra it'll be after weeks at the gym~
And home, to me, is just that. During my time alone at home is an extreme example of comfort and expression. It is during these times i usually keep the blinds down and the doors locked, offering protection to not only myself but also my neighbours and innocent passerby's.
Last night however, i made a critical error in the execution of my plans...
Upon returning from my evening walk with the dog i was quite warm. I decided to take advantage of the emptiness, so i shed a layer of clothing. I went about the remainder of the evening in my sweat pants and bra thinking nothing more of it. I let the dog out with the bone, cleaned the Chinchilla's cage, did some dishes, talked on the phone... it was a simple evening as far as i was concerned. When i finally looked at the clock and noticed the time, i was reminded of my date with the dog at 6:30 the next morning. I decided to head to bed. It was then that i remembered "oh right, the dog is outside... untied" and as if on cue, i heard the barking!
Out to the back porch i went calling his name... no response. I listened. It was coming from the front.
I ran through the house and went to throw open the front door, but just before doing so i turned the the left and noticed my reflection in the mirror- I was topless!
The dog was now going down the drive way, barking at a pedestrian. I turned away from the mirror and threw open the door praying it would be nice and dark out there. I did my best to hide my self behind the beast (our SUV), but the dog wasn't in the mood to listen.
Then i noticed who the person was- my friend's hot, older brother.
"Hi Lauren" he says.
I would like to say that i responded with something cool and collected, but i honestly remember nothing after that until i was back in the house. Maybe he didn't notice my wardrobe.
And so went my lesson in dress...
~next time i decide to prance around in my bra it'll be after weeks at the gym~
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Be Obvious with me- i'm Blonde
Recently, in a movie i watched, there was a philosophy professor lecturing on fantasies. I don't recall his exact words, but he said that one fantasizes over the impossible and the unreachable; as soon as a fantasy becomes viable, it is no longer desired. Coveting something you will never receive is what makes it fun, it all comes down to wanting what you can't have.
Does this professor's view relate to all fantasies? All desires? If so i either don't know how to fantasize, or i have nothing to live for.
My dreams are filled with simple pleasures, is that too much to ask for??
~what's so impossible about swimming in a pool of chocolate?~
Does this professor's view relate to all fantasies? All desires? If so i either don't know how to fantasize, or i have nothing to live for.
My dreams are filled with simple pleasures, is that too much to ask for??
~what's so impossible about swimming in a pool of chocolate?~
Monday, June 25, 2007
Never Again
I hate you for loving me
I hate myself for being blind to it
I hate you for making me feel this way
I hate each song, place and person that reminds me of you
I hate each tear that falls for you
I hate hating you
It scares me that you have such power over me
There isn't a day that goes by that i don't think of you
Not a day goes by that I don't want to cry
I feel so weak, so foolish
My reason as walked out on me
Leaving me with nothing but feelings
'I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' self control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To Hell with my pride let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry'
Something good will come of this
It is a promise from above
But i don't like waiting
All i see know is pain
All i feel is pain
I yearn that golden lining
~somewhere out there~
I hate myself for being blind to it
I hate you for making me feel this way
I hate each song, place and person that reminds me of you
I hate each tear that falls for you
I hate hating you
It scares me that you have such power over me
There isn't a day that goes by that i don't think of you
Not a day goes by that I don't want to cry
I feel so weak, so foolish
My reason as walked out on me
Leaving me with nothing but feelings
'I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' self control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To Hell with my pride let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry'
Something good will come of this
It is a promise from above
But i don't like waiting
All i see know is pain
All i feel is pain
I yearn that golden lining
~somewhere out there~
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Memories of you and i
Each time i remember you
a curtain of tears falls
We shared so much, you and I
or so i was convinced
But down, down we fell
For our roots were poisoned by lies
Lies of love, lies of trust;
Fed by lies- death by lies
Thanks for the memories
meant to always inspire
but instead destined to break
for down i fell
when away you fled
with no backwards glance
at my torn heart left behind
stomped and trampled
At night i still pray for you
that again you may find love
away, safe from our past
built on fact
for each step i take to love
i fall back two-
from remembering you-
as our memories still pierce me
~there is nothing but empty there inside~
a curtain of tears falls
We shared so much, you and I
or so i was convinced
But down, down we fell
For our roots were poisoned by lies
Lies of love, lies of trust;
Fed by lies- death by lies
Thanks for the memories
meant to always inspire
but instead destined to break
for down i fell
when away you fled
with no backwards glance
at my torn heart left behind
stomped and trampled
At night i still pray for you
that again you may find love
away, safe from our past
built on fact
for each step i take to love
i fall back two-
from remembering you-
as our memories still pierce me
~there is nothing but empty there inside~
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Some Wait Their Whole Lives'
The countdowns until excitement enters my summer...
The anticipation is killing me. It's going to be torture knowing the movie is out and i'm stuck in hick-ville unable to watch it with other die-hard fans.
~Everybody's looking for what we've found~
The anticipation is killing me. It's going to be torture knowing the movie is out and i'm stuck in hick-ville unable to watch it with other die-hard fans.
~Everybody's looking for what we've found~
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
It's a Small World ?
in a world so wide ... i feel [so] small sometimes...
sitting here in my wonderful one-horse town i think about what else there is out there... There is so much in this world i want to see and experience...
and even just Canada... like, did you know:
- there is a 75% chance that a public road in Canada will be UNpaved!
- nearly one-fourth of all the freshwater in the world is found in Canada!
- if stretched in a continuous line, Canada's coastline would circle the earth more than six times!
- the Trans-Canada Highway is the longest national highway in the world!
I've experienced MANY unpaved roads, and as i live in the land of lakes, trees and rocks (oh and BEAUTIFUL sunsets!)... i can believe the fact about the freshwater.
I've visited both the East and and West coastlines... but when you find yourself standing on the beach ogling the great expanse of the ocean, you tend to forget about the land you are standing on... (or maybe that's just me...)
And i am proud to say that anyone driving across that longest national highway in the world MUST pass through my home town!
woot woot Canada!
~i know one day i will come away from you knowing something important~
sitting here in my wonderful one-horse town i think about what else there is out there... There is so much in this world i want to see and experience...
and even just Canada... like, did you know:
- there is a 75% chance that a public road in Canada will be UNpaved!
- nearly one-fourth of all the freshwater in the world is found in Canada!
- if stretched in a continuous line, Canada's coastline would circle the earth more than six times!
- the Trans-Canada Highway is the longest national highway in the world!
I've experienced MANY unpaved roads, and as i live in the land of lakes, trees and rocks (oh and BEAUTIFUL sunsets!)... i can believe the fact about the freshwater.
I've visited both the East and and West coastlines... but when you find yourself standing on the beach ogling the great expanse of the ocean, you tend to forget about the land you are standing on... (or maybe that's just me...)
And i am proud to say that anyone driving across that longest national highway in the world MUST pass through my home town!
woot woot Canada!
~i know one day i will come away from you knowing something important~
Friday, June 1, 2007
The Adventures of a Filing Clerk
In the dark, damp, dingy confines of a chart room is where my summer is being spent. My hours are occupied with the alphabet continually running through my head andthe repeaitive up and down, up and down movement getting and returning charts hich ruines my knees and back more so then usual. (thankfully my father has access to helpful products)
I know that at this point there is a twinge of jealousy running through all your bodies, i don't blame you- you realize just how blessed i am to have received such an enthralling summer position!
However, so all you, my faithful readers, do not feel too left out from my adventures i will share some of my experiences with you...
Part of my job is to take test results and place them in the proper section of the correct chart... if the chart is not on the shelves i then use my computer skills to search it's whereabouts.
This one time- i'll never forget it -i was working on filing the 'D's' and came across a man who's chart was not in it's place. I searched his name in the computer and found that he had died (oh sorry... was deceased...), 2 years ago! But these test results were from a few days ago... ! Someone should inform him of his state... that or that radiology is no help if you are already dead...
Oh boy... that adventure just gives me the chills every time i think of it! So exciting...
Not all experiences are that good...
On top of the above situation, i have also come to the realization that there are much bigger geeks out there... I have discovered someone who lives in my town with the name Hermione!! he he he enough said
I've also discovered someone who has stolen the name of my first born daughter... not just the first name, but the first AND second name... i've had it chosen for AGES... i'm on a hunt to find the culprit... and... end this conflict...
So much more excitement to come, i'm sure of it. i hope that everyone else's summer is going even a fraction as good as mine...
~as the last ounce of sanity silently slips away...~
I know that at this point there is a twinge of jealousy running through all your bodies, i don't blame you- you realize just how blessed i am to have received such an enthralling summer position!
However, so all you, my faithful readers, do not feel too left out from my adventures i will share some of my experiences with you...
Part of my job is to take test results and place them in the proper section of the correct chart... if the chart is not on the shelves i then use my computer skills to search it's whereabouts.
This one time- i'll never forget it -i was working on filing the 'D's' and came across a man who's chart was not in it's place. I searched his name in the computer and found that he had died (oh sorry... was deceased...), 2 years ago! But these test results were from a few days ago... ! Someone should inform him of his state... that or that radiology is no help if you are already dead...
Oh boy... that adventure just gives me the chills every time i think of it! So exciting...
Not all experiences are that good...
On top of the above situation, i have also come to the realization that there are much bigger geeks out there... I have discovered someone who lives in my town with the name Hermione!! he he he enough said
I've also discovered someone who has stolen the name of my first born daughter... not just the first name, but the first AND second name... i've had it chosen for AGES... i'm on a hunt to find the culprit... and... end this conflict...
So much more excitement to come, i'm sure of it. i hope that everyone else's summer is going even a fraction as good as mine...
~as the last ounce of sanity silently slips away...~
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Every time i think of you...
(...i always catch my breath)
They (whoever they may be...) say I need to just stop trying. To Relax. To enjoy life. To laugh and smile (a genuine smile), to have a little bit of faith, look elsewhere... It's time to stop worrying and dreaming of the impossible, time to explore new things.
Or so that's what they say...
Is there even a point to dreaming... when reality never seems to fit that standard. Life always seems to end up being a let down. Why must fiction and fantasizes always be so far off from the truth?
You'd think that those ideas had to have come from somewhere... but i guess the imagination can be a powerful thing...
~I want to hang on to something that won't breakaway or fall apart~
They (whoever they may be...) say I need to just stop trying. To Relax. To enjoy life. To laugh and smile (a genuine smile), to have a little bit of faith, look elsewhere... It's time to stop worrying and dreaming of the impossible, time to explore new things.
Or so that's what they say...
Is there even a point to dreaming... when reality never seems to fit that standard. Life always seems to end up being a let down. Why must fiction and fantasizes always be so far off from the truth?
You'd think that those ideas had to have come from somewhere... but i guess the imagination can be a powerful thing...
~I want to hang on to something that won't breakaway or fall apart~
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
There is a Storm that's Raging through my Frozen Heart Tonight
You know you are from Canada when you can go for a 30 minute walk in the middle of a hockey game and not miss anything.
Every house i passed had the hockey game playing in their front room. And what a kind, neighbourly thing to do i must say, especially those who were thoughtful enough to leave their blinds open for the passer-bys.
Though, i believe it to be the fault of those paranoid people, who believe that we have peeping-Toms in our friendly, clean, safe town, who close their blinds at night that caused me to miss Pronger's hit which led to a possible suspension! *gasp*
Those Ducks are screwed... thank God for instant replay!
Is it unhealthy that I've done nothing overly strenuous all day, and yet i can barely keep my eyes open at 9:30...
All i want to do is sleep... for days.
Do not wake me unless you are prepared to face my wrath... or your name is Draco Malfoy *sigh*
~curse those with power~
Every house i passed had the hockey game playing in their front room. And what a kind, neighbourly thing to do i must say, especially those who were thoughtful enough to leave their blinds open for the passer-bys.
Though, i believe it to be the fault of those paranoid people, who believe that we have peeping-Toms in our friendly, clean, safe town, who close their blinds at night that caused me to miss Pronger's hit which led to a possible suspension! *gasp*
Those Ducks are screwed... thank God for instant replay!
Is it unhealthy that I've done nothing overly strenuous all day, and yet i can barely keep my eyes open at 9:30...
All i want to do is sleep... for days.
Do not wake me unless you are prepared to face my wrath... or your name is Draco Malfoy *sigh*
~curse those with power~
Saturday, April 21, 2007
¿Perfect Prayer in a Desperate Hour¿
Miracles happen- but what would it take to bring them home... [praying for a miracle]
"Love is wanting what is best for someone else before yourself"
To be in the presence of that special someone is a power capable of inspiring an inward shine to pour from a person. To receive that special attention- to be embraced in such sound and inviting arms- is a blessing even during arguments and frustrations.
That knowledge of someone, other than your family, loving you through thick and thin- willing to sacrifice even their greatest desires for your well-being- is enough to make anyone squirm with delight.
"Love is leaving yourself completely vulnerable to someone, trusting they will not break your heart"
Some are afraid to open themselves up to such possibilities, unable to rationalize the risks of such actions. For the heart makes you do foolish things- foolish things your mind can not explain.
Your common sense is getting all too good at explaining away passion as just another weakness- like fear- it'll get you no where.
"May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.”
~it took her a while to figure out she could run...~
"Love is wanting what is best for someone else before yourself"
To be in the presence of that special someone is a power capable of inspiring an inward shine to pour from a person. To receive that special attention- to be embraced in such sound and inviting arms- is a blessing even during arguments and frustrations.
That knowledge of someone, other than your family, loving you through thick and thin- willing to sacrifice even their greatest desires for your well-being- is enough to make anyone squirm with delight.
"Love is leaving yourself completely vulnerable to someone, trusting they will not break your heart"
Some are afraid to open themselves up to such possibilities, unable to rationalize the risks of such actions. For the heart makes you do foolish things- foolish things your mind can not explain.
Your common sense is getting all too good at explaining away passion as just another weakness- like fear- it'll get you no where.
"May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.”
~it took her a while to figure out she could run...~
Friday, April 20, 2007
i got a U-shaped hole inside
i wish i could tell you all something insightful.
i wish i could say something inspiring and uplifting...
...especially in this time of murder, separation, fear, change, lost love, destroyed dreams, confusion, pain... LIFE. But i can't; i have nothing to say, and i know nothing constructive.
i am just as lost and confused as you... if not more.
One can only search so far for something that doesn't exist before they are forced to accept the ultimate reality.
You can only run away so far 'till you meet something new you wish to escape from.
~i swear it gets deeper by the day~
i wish i could say something inspiring and uplifting...
...especially in this time of murder, separation, fear, change, lost love, destroyed dreams, confusion, pain... LIFE. But i can't; i have nothing to say, and i know nothing constructive.
i am just as lost and confused as you... if not more.
One can only search so far for something that doesn't exist before they are forced to accept the ultimate reality.
You can only run away so far 'till you meet something new you wish to escape from.
~i swear it gets deeper by the day~
Friday, April 13, 2007
they didn't have you where i came from
Strange things are in the air...
The joys, the hurts- the way we live. Is there a way to change it all; transform who we are? Everyone seems to have an idea of who everyone else is, what part they play in our lives, and how they are supposed to act.
But what if one day every thing's different.
... the mail lady suddenly delivers milk, babies care for their parents and the shower is your new class room.
Will we fight to change it back, or will we embrace the change...
I find comfort in consistency. But once in a while it tends to get repetitive and boring...
Is it even called living anymore if you go through your days mechanically; no longer thinking and considering the paths that lay in front of you because it has all become so familiar.
~happiness: the balloon of life, always be prepared for the POP~
The joys, the hurts- the way we live. Is there a way to change it all; transform who we are? Everyone seems to have an idea of who everyone else is, what part they play in our lives, and how they are supposed to act.
But what if one day every thing's different.
... the mail lady suddenly delivers milk, babies care for their parents and the shower is your new class room.
Will we fight to change it back, or will we embrace the change...
I find comfort in consistency. But once in a while it tends to get repetitive and boring...
Is it even called living anymore if you go through your days mechanically; no longer thinking and considering the paths that lay in front of you because it has all become so familiar.
~happiness: the balloon of life, always be prepared for the POP~
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Stolen Dreams; Broken Hearts; a False Innocence
Well, she was precious like a flower
She grew wild, wild but innocent
A perfect prayer in a desperate hour
She was everything beautiful and different
Recently my moods have reflected that of a hollywood relationship- on and off again, on again, off again, BLOW UP, on again, off again, a ring while still off...
I dunno why! - But the probability of it being due to the issue of off-balanced feminine hormones is rare. I'm not at that point... yet.
I've been excessively geeky, unnaturally flirtascious, particularly lonely and dangerously irritable.
Stupid boy, you can't fence that in
Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind
She let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
Stupid boy, stupid boy
Oh
The line above, about holding back the wind is my favourite of the song... and i especially love the way he sings it!
So what made you think you could take a life
And just push it push it around
I guess you build yourself up so high
You had to take her and break her down
In addition to the unexplainable moods, i've also had peculiar obsessions.
(1) Draco Malfoy: not necessarily Tom Felton- the actor who plays him in the HP movies- but his actualy character from the movies. He is just a misunderstood boy trying to find his place in the world while attempting to compete with the arrogant Harry Potter and live up to his fathers expectations...
(2) the song 'Stupid Boy' by Keith Urban, yes the one that i have set to devour my words... he is just so amazing and... i can't even begin to explain it!
She let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy
As some may be able to tell, i've hit another brick wall of writers-block. It's frustrating, especially when i have 3 papers to write. And one of them i was so excited to write. But now i'm sitting here, staring at the started essay, disgusted at my words... why can't i always have the power to express my thoughts in words!
Oh, you always had to be right but now you've lost
The only thing that ever made you feel alive
Yeah, yeah
Loss is a natural part of life. Games are lost, cell phones are misplaced, friends are forgotten and dreams are destroyed...
Well, she let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
Yes, ya did
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy, oh, I'm the same old
Same old stupid boy
i tend to have this habit of holding my tongue. Often, this is a good thing, as the thoughts i have can be cruel and offensive. But it also created a hole among those i am close to. More is kept from them than is shared...
It took awhile for her to figure out she could run
But when she did, she was long gone
Long gone, long gone
Ah, she's gone
i have dreams of running away, the wind whipping across my face and through my hair. Leaving all the pain, fears and isolation behind me. but i realize they won't disappear, they will merely exist beneath new disguises and under different names.
Nobody's ever gonna love me like she loved me
And she loved me, she loved me
God please, just let her know
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Baby, yeah, I'm down on my knees
She's never coming back to me
-carved my name into his legacy-
She grew wild, wild but innocent
A perfect prayer in a desperate hour
She was everything beautiful and different
Recently my moods have reflected that of a hollywood relationship- on and off again, on again, off again, BLOW UP, on again, off again, a ring while still off...
I dunno why! - But the probability of it being due to the issue of off-balanced feminine hormones is rare. I'm not at that point... yet.
I've been excessively geeky, unnaturally flirtascious, particularly lonely and dangerously irritable.
Stupid boy, you can't fence that in
Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind
She let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
Stupid boy, stupid boy
Oh
The line above, about holding back the wind is my favourite of the song... and i especially love the way he sings it!
So what made you think you could take a life
And just push it push it around
I guess you build yourself up so high
You had to take her and break her down
In addition to the unexplainable moods, i've also had peculiar obsessions.
(1) Draco Malfoy: not necessarily Tom Felton- the actor who plays him in the HP movies- but his actualy character from the movies. He is just a misunderstood boy trying to find his place in the world while attempting to compete with the arrogant Harry Potter and live up to his fathers expectations...
(2) the song 'Stupid Boy' by Keith Urban, yes the one that i have set to devour my words... he is just so amazing and... i can't even begin to explain it!
She let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy
As some may be able to tell, i've hit another brick wall of writers-block. It's frustrating, especially when i have 3 papers to write. And one of them i was so excited to write. But now i'm sitting here, staring at the started essay, disgusted at my words... why can't i always have the power to express my thoughts in words!
Oh, you always had to be right but now you've lost
The only thing that ever made you feel alive
Yeah, yeah
Loss is a natural part of life. Games are lost, cell phones are misplaced, friends are forgotten and dreams are destroyed...
Well, she let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
Yes, ya did
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy, oh, I'm the same old
Same old stupid boy
i tend to have this habit of holding my tongue. Often, this is a good thing, as the thoughts i have can be cruel and offensive. But it also created a hole among those i am close to. More is kept from them than is shared...
It took awhile for her to figure out she could run
But when she did, she was long gone
Long gone, long gone
Ah, she's gone
i have dreams of running away, the wind whipping across my face and through my hair. Leaving all the pain, fears and isolation behind me. but i realize they won't disappear, they will merely exist beneath new disguises and under different names.
Nobody's ever gonna love me like she loved me
And she loved me, she loved me
God please, just let her know
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Baby, yeah, I'm down on my knees
She's never coming back to me
-carved my name into his legacy-
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Manda, why is your Favourite Colour RED?!
So Manda's hormones are messing with mine... and it's NO fun! In fact, it has caused extreme amounts of pain to present themselves about 3 days early- gah! Some times being a girl REALLY sucks, and guys truly have NO idea what we go through. Sure, some of them may claim that just having to put up with us during this time is pain enough for them, but that's cause they are wusses! And insensitive wusses at that!
I'm decided that i just want to drug myself until i can no longer feel anything. Unfortunately, i came up with that idea while walking down a hallway where 2 classes were taking place and BOTH with the door open, and i was not using my indoor voice.... I will soon be reported to Barb (the school psychologist) and i will be forced to begin regular sessions with her until i've learned alternate ways to deal with my problems.
But this is not just MY problem... it is a problem the entire female race must deal with [at least] once a month- *shakes fist at Eve* it's all her bloody fault!
(he he, bloody)
~it's a crazy ride, but i'm ready to get off~
I'm decided that i just want to drug myself until i can no longer feel anything. Unfortunately, i came up with that idea while walking down a hallway where 2 classes were taking place and BOTH with the door open, and i was not using my indoor voice.... I will soon be reported to Barb (the school psychologist) and i will be forced to begin regular sessions with her until i've learned alternate ways to deal with my problems.
But this is not just MY problem... it is a problem the entire female race must deal with [at least] once a month- *shakes fist at Eve* it's all her bloody fault!
(he he, bloody)
~it's a crazy ride, but i'm ready to get off~
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Love Never Wanted Me
i see you with her, smiling bright
so happy and content without me
our past is gone from your mind
but in mine it continues to reside
threatening to haunt me forever
her hand fitted comfortably in your's
your protective eye focused only on her
deserting me as nothing but the past
with nothing and no one to depend on
abandoned even by my own heart
you do not travel alone through life
for you have taken my heart with you
through mud and slime it's been hauled
all for you; all has been sacrificed,
left behind, for one more chance
your arms around her, is it forced?
for fate had intended that hold for me
and who are we to defy nature's plans
all so perfectly laid out before us
beneath heaven's flawless design
~bullet proof loneliness~
so happy and content without me
our past is gone from your mind
but in mine it continues to reside
threatening to haunt me forever
her hand fitted comfortably in your's
your protective eye focused only on her
deserting me as nothing but the past
with nothing and no one to depend on
abandoned even by my own heart
you do not travel alone through life
for you have taken my heart with you
through mud and slime it's been hauled
all for you; all has been sacrificed,
left behind, for one more chance
your arms around her, is it forced?
for fate had intended that hold for me
and who are we to defy nature's plans
all so perfectly laid out before us
beneath heaven's flawless design
~bullet proof loneliness~
Monday, March 19, 2007
weapons in the form of words
caught among the desire to engage in an immoral act
it overpowers my once sturdy ethical actions
now doing all i can to remain erect in past decisions
as i observe surrounding tenets begin to fall
wishing to stand with them to bear that weight
offering support to stand firm against the world
yet here i am, on a spiral descendent to the unknown
to what end do i allow such pains to poison my resilience
the fate of the world having already been determined
a few rebels strive to find assurance in an alternative end
undergoing regular attacks from society's troops
each time plummeting further into their domain
hope's presence once prominent along the horizon
it's light now fades as darkness and haze intensifies
leaving little light to guide us through the pains
left to depend on the faith delivered by the strong
~fading fast~
it overpowers my once sturdy ethical actions
now doing all i can to remain erect in past decisions
as i observe surrounding tenets begin to fall
wishing to stand with them to bear that weight
offering support to stand firm against the world
yet here i am, on a spiral descendent to the unknown
to what end do i allow such pains to poison my resilience
the fate of the world having already been determined
a few rebels strive to find assurance in an alternative end
undergoing regular attacks from society's troops
each time plummeting further into their domain
hope's presence once prominent along the horizon
it's light now fades as darkness and haze intensifies
leaving little light to guide us through the pains
left to depend on the faith delivered by the strong
~fading fast~
Friday, March 16, 2007
One thing is Clear...
...I WAS TAUGHT TO DREAM
Do you ever feel as if life is passing you by and you are missing out on everything that everyone else seems to possess; you know what you want, but it never seems to come your way...
I feel this quite often, and tend to try and hurry or even force the process. But that has been known to backfire...
I hear these words (placed there by Sugarland's Settlin') and sometimes find myself singing along...
15 minutes left to throw me together
For mister right now, not mister forever
Don't know why I even try when I know how it ends
Lookin' like another maybe we could be friends
I've been leavin' it up to fate
It's my life so it's mine to make
Advice from a friend : "Lauren someday you'll figure it all out... but does that day really have to be today"
Psalm 5:3 says:
In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
I know waiting for that 'perfect time' is important, but i struggle with being patient and envious of others. I guess that this wait will test my patience and [hopefully] correct these faults...
~I believe in fairy tales and dreamers dreams...
And i believe in peter pan and miracles~
Do you ever feel as if life is passing you by and you are missing out on everything that everyone else seems to possess; you know what you want, but it never seems to come your way...
I feel this quite often, and tend to try and hurry or even force the process. But that has been known to backfire...
I hear these words (placed there by Sugarland's Settlin') and sometimes find myself singing along...
15 minutes left to throw me together
For mister right now, not mister forever
Don't know why I even try when I know how it ends
Lookin' like another maybe we could be friends
I've been leavin' it up to fate
It's my life so it's mine to make
Advice from a friend : "Lauren someday you'll figure it all out... but does that day really have to be today"
Psalm 5:3 says:
In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
I know waiting for that 'perfect time' is important, but i struggle with being patient and envious of others. I guess that this wait will test my patience and [hopefully] correct these faults...
~I believe in fairy tales and dreamers dreams...
And i believe in peter pan and miracles~
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Kicking & Screaming
Is it possible to lose something you never truly had?
To love something that never existed?
Once an idea has been placed in my mind, my imagination runs away with it; together, they conquer the extremes.
Fantasies of possessing a power capable of altering ones actions. A brilliance expected to wow the nations. Words which resonate like music to ones ears. A heart of gold surrendering to the power of true love and devotion...
Unless such an extreme is met, failure becomes the reality of these dreams. Pain envelops the heart which had once fluttered with anticipation.
Overcoming heartache and sorrow of such an intense nature is not an easy task. Critics are quick to judge, but reluctant to offer assistance.
Stress and anger become the fuel of the heart, resulting in emotional overloads, and futile tears. Why must it all continue down this path. What is there to be gained? What lessons learned?
~dreams of a constant fear, a returning pain and a deep dark hole i can't overcome~
To love something that never existed?
Once an idea has been placed in my mind, my imagination runs away with it; together, they conquer the extremes.
Fantasies of possessing a power capable of altering ones actions. A brilliance expected to wow the nations. Words which resonate like music to ones ears. A heart of gold surrendering to the power of true love and devotion...
Unless such an extreme is met, failure becomes the reality of these dreams. Pain envelops the heart which had once fluttered with anticipation.
Overcoming heartache and sorrow of such an intense nature is not an easy task. Critics are quick to judge, but reluctant to offer assistance.
Stress and anger become the fuel of the heart, resulting in emotional overloads, and futile tears. Why must it all continue down this path. What is there to be gained? What lessons learned?
~dreams of a constant fear, a returning pain and a deep dark hole i can't overcome~
Thursday, March 8, 2007
A Tied Down Freedom
He holds her tightly, enchanted by her scent
A smile permentaly fixated upon his face
his grasp tightens, afraid of her restless wings
whose span would leave no room for his presence
She feels his arms around her like a noose
kept safe from her attempts at movement
her eyes stray, in search for something more
she longs to be freed, to fly away
~Assured freedom (within limits)~
A smile permentaly fixated upon his face
his grasp tightens, afraid of her restless wings
whose span would leave no room for his presence
She feels his arms around her like a noose
kept safe from her attempts at movement
her eyes stray, in search for something more
she longs to be freed, to fly away
~Assured freedom (within limits)~
Monday, March 5, 2007
When you Fall, Everyone else Stands
I open my eyes and find myself at the shore of a body of water, oh and what a refreshing body of water it appears to be. So smooth, clean, untouched and inviting...
jump, jump, jump...
As I stand there, I begin to contemplate taking the plunge. A part of me pushes for the action, but another part of me begins listing (literally) off rational reasons as to why this may not be the best idea:
(1) I am fully clothed, I have no proper swimming attire or a towel
(2) It is still winter, and judging by the cold air, I can imagine the water would not be as inviting as it appears at this point in time.
(3) I am alone, and after my numerous life guarding and water safety courses, the idea of never swimming alone has been successfully drilled into my mind.
(4) It is unfamiliar water, and taking that plunge into such water is not only stupid, but another important lesson that has been burned into my memory.
So many cons, yet against all these, the possibility of some sort of a gain or enjoyment seems to out weigh them all.
Why is it that ideas we know are bad often seem to win out over our better judgment. Is my conscious that screwed up that I would allow myself to be influenced by the mere thought of pleasures and personal gains?!
Such things are not to be important factors in my life, I am not to let my physical desires rule my being.
When I know without a doubt in my mind that this is not the right time for a swim, why do I still entertain the idea?
~toss me out a life vest, irrationality is steering my boat~
jump, jump, jump...
As I stand there, I begin to contemplate taking the plunge. A part of me pushes for the action, but another part of me begins listing (literally) off rational reasons as to why this may not be the best idea:
(1) I am fully clothed, I have no proper swimming attire or a towel
(2) It is still winter, and judging by the cold air, I can imagine the water would not be as inviting as it appears at this point in time.
(3) I am alone, and after my numerous life guarding and water safety courses, the idea of never swimming alone has been successfully drilled into my mind.
(4) It is unfamiliar water, and taking that plunge into such water is not only stupid, but another important lesson that has been burned into my memory.
So many cons, yet against all these, the possibility of some sort of a gain or enjoyment seems to out weigh them all.
Why is it that ideas we know are bad often seem to win out over our better judgment. Is my conscious that screwed up that I would allow myself to be influenced by the mere thought of pleasures and personal gains?!
Such things are not to be important factors in my life, I am not to let my physical desires rule my being.
When I know without a doubt in my mind that this is not the right time for a swim, why do I still entertain the idea?
~toss me out a life vest, irrationality is steering my boat~
Thursday, March 1, 2007
The Intelligence of this World Encourages Me... Episode 1
Last week a friend and I were waiting in the lobby of Red Robin (note restaurant) for a table and for the rest of our party.
A guy (presumably college aged) walked into the lobby and began scanning the area. He then took out his cell and chose the number he wished to dial. Upon the callee answering he proceeded to tell him "hey man, i'm at BP's, where are you guys sittin'..."
My friend and I looked at each other, puzzled. I asked if she had heard what I had, she nodded with a smile. Our attention was now fully averted to the actions of this guy, who seemed to be a promising source of entertainment.
This guy then proceeded to walk around the restaurant, phone in hand, attempting to find his buddies.
His search continued for over 10 minutes. He was growing rather frustrated, and I presumed he was no longer enjoying his walks through the [rather cramped] restaurant. He asked his friend "what BP's are you at?"
My friend and I, though relatively entertained, were beginning to feel sympathy for this guy. I could only imagine, if his friends were anything like mine, what they would say when they discovered what he had done.
His eyes radiated with irritation, and I concluded that if he did not figure out his mistake within the next three minutes I would attempt to aid him.
Fortunately (for me, who is severely nervous and incompetent when it comes to talking with stranger) he left the restaurant to continue his search elsewhere...
However, his memory is destined to remain in Red Robin for decades to come...
~dancing on the brink of folly~
A guy (presumably college aged) walked into the lobby and began scanning the area. He then took out his cell and chose the number he wished to dial. Upon the callee answering he proceeded to tell him "hey man, i'm at BP's, where are you guys sittin'..."
My friend and I looked at each other, puzzled. I asked if she had heard what I had, she nodded with a smile. Our attention was now fully averted to the actions of this guy, who seemed to be a promising source of entertainment.
This guy then proceeded to walk around the restaurant, phone in hand, attempting to find his buddies.
His search continued for over 10 minutes. He was growing rather frustrated, and I presumed he was no longer enjoying his walks through the [rather cramped] restaurant. He asked his friend "what BP's are you at?"
My friend and I, though relatively entertained, were beginning to feel sympathy for this guy. I could only imagine, if his friends were anything like mine, what they would say when they discovered what he had done.
His eyes radiated with irritation, and I concluded that if he did not figure out his mistake within the next three minutes I would attempt to aid him.
Fortunately (for me, who is severely nervous and incompetent when it comes to talking with stranger) he left the restaurant to continue his search elsewhere...
However, his memory is destined to remain in Red Robin for decades to come...
~dancing on the brink of folly~
Monday, February 19, 2007
Home is to be familiar...
They have been calling for snow for days, yet still, here we are with minimal amounts and snow clouds slowly passing us by. How dismal.
I'm currently home, in the land of snow (ha, not this year), mouthwatering food and familiar strangers.
Which reminds me...
I took a short drive last night, to take a quick gander through the movie store, before choosing a movie for my Girls Night with my sisters. At the counter, where I was paying for the overpriced movie, a guy stood behind me. I turned to see him, but than turned back when I did not recognize him, but began talking to me and asking how I was doing and in a familiar tone, as if at some point in our past, we knew each other.
Even after my second take, nowhere in my mind was there a glimmer of familiarity about him. He was tall (well, taller than me), wearing an army jacket and a [black?] toque. He had a friendly round face and a fair complexion and I imagined he had blonde hair hidden beneath the toque. His age remains a controversial issue [in my mind], but I imagine he is within a two year radius of my own, whether that be older or younger.
*puzzled look*
It is a profoundly disturbing feeling for me to not recognize a face, I feel dreadful. I hope he did not notice the look of great uncertainty across my brow.
Perhaps I am going crazy...
~there truly was a whole in my laniard~
I'm currently home, in the land of snow (ha, not this year), mouthwatering food and familiar strangers.
Which reminds me...
I took a short drive last night, to take a quick gander through the movie store, before choosing a movie for my Girls Night with my sisters. At the counter, where I was paying for the overpriced movie, a guy stood behind me. I turned to see him, but than turned back when I did not recognize him, but began talking to me and asking how I was doing and in a familiar tone, as if at some point in our past, we knew each other.
Even after my second take, nowhere in my mind was there a glimmer of familiarity about him. He was tall (well, taller than me), wearing an army jacket and a [black?] toque. He had a friendly round face and a fair complexion and I imagined he had blonde hair hidden beneath the toque. His age remains a controversial issue [in my mind], but I imagine he is within a two year radius of my own, whether that be older or younger.
*puzzled look*
It is a profoundly disturbing feeling for me to not recognize a face, I feel dreadful. I hope he did not notice the look of great uncertainty across my brow.
Perhaps I am going crazy...
~there truly was a whole in my laniard~
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
What a Beautiful day for a Rant
As today is one of my favourite days of the year I have decided to allow it to inspire me...
As many of you are aware of, and often reminded of, I possess a great abhorrence towards a certain team- if you can call them that- or group of people.
Cheerleaders.
Now, I am no english scholar, but in analyzing this word I see that 'cheerleader' is a compound word which suggests [to me] someone who LEADS CHEERS (shocker, I know).
The dictionary defines a cheerleader as:
-a person who leads cheers and applause esp. at a sports event
-an enthusiastic and vocal supporter
Unfortunately (or is it?), according to all I've seen from cheerleaders, I would define them as:
-(for the most part) well proportioned girl, enthusiastic about dancing around in small amounts of clothing, in an evocative fashion.
(at least the enthusiasm is consistent)
Nowhere do I see 'cheering' or 'leaders'. In fact, as far as I am concerned, the only leading these girls do is the prompting of thoughts/fantasies to inappropriate meditations.
Of all the cheerleaders I have personally experienced, I have seen them do nothing but enthusiasm in the flaunting of their well proportioned body around in hope of attracting attention their way. Of course, when they position themselves in the centre of the playing area (whether it be a court, a field...), it is difficult to not pay them SOME attention, now whether this be attention affiliated with approval or distaste depends on the patron.
I believe that in order to be an effective cheerleader they are not to attract attention to themselves but to the team/activity they are cheering for. Which also suggests that they are to CHEER- throwing each other around between games do nothing to build up and support the team.
Though few they may be, there are exceptions to every rule.
And to all those I may have offended... call us even.
~find a way to shine without extinguishing other's~
As many of you are aware of, and often reminded of, I possess a great abhorrence towards a certain team- if you can call them that- or group of people.
Cheerleaders.
Now, I am no english scholar, but in analyzing this word I see that 'cheerleader' is a compound word which suggests [to me] someone who LEADS CHEERS (shocker, I know).
The dictionary defines a cheerleader as:
-a person who leads cheers and applause esp. at a sports event
-an enthusiastic and vocal supporter
Unfortunately (or is it?), according to all I've seen from cheerleaders, I would define them as:
-(for the most part) well proportioned girl, enthusiastic about dancing around in small amounts of clothing, in an evocative fashion.
(at least the enthusiasm is consistent)
Nowhere do I see 'cheering' or 'leaders'. In fact, as far as I am concerned, the only leading these girls do is the prompting of thoughts/fantasies to inappropriate meditations.
Of all the cheerleaders I have personally experienced, I have seen them do nothing but enthusiasm in the flaunting of their well proportioned body around in hope of attracting attention their way. Of course, when they position themselves in the centre of the playing area (whether it be a court, a field...), it is difficult to not pay them SOME attention, now whether this be attention affiliated with approval or distaste depends on the patron.
I believe that in order to be an effective cheerleader they are not to attract attention to themselves but to the team/activity they are cheering for. Which also suggests that they are to CHEER- throwing each other around between games do nothing to build up and support the team.
Though few they may be, there are exceptions to every rule.
And to all those I may have offended... call us even.
~find a way to shine without extinguishing other's~
Monday, February 12, 2007
don't waste your heart -DC
i didn't mean to cause you pain
-DC
what went wrong
why this end
when all was possible
but nothing probable
now wasting away into oblivion
we all knew we were in for a long hard ride
nowhere to run and nowhere to hide [it seemed]
-DC
my heart belonging to no one
kept numb in the freezer of fears
buried beneath selfish acts and lust
Things can move at such a pace
The second hand just waved goodbye
-DC
the fantasy in full swing
generates eons of agony
when reality is impeled on us
pat on the back n better luck next time
-DC
to end only with less than ever before
~forever changed by someone i never knew (DC)~
-DC
what went wrong
why this end
when all was possible
but nothing probable
now wasting away into oblivion
we all knew we were in for a long hard ride
nowhere to run and nowhere to hide [it seemed]
-DC
my heart belonging to no one
kept numb in the freezer of fears
buried beneath selfish acts and lust
Things can move at such a pace
The second hand just waved goodbye
-DC
the fantasy in full swing
generates eons of agony
when reality is impeled on us
pat on the back n better luck next time
-DC
to end only with less than ever before
~forever changed by someone i never knew (DC)~
Friday, February 9, 2007
Broken Wings Hinder
Emotionally & Physically drained...
I don't feel as if I can survive till the end of the day, let alone till next Friday. There is little getting me though each day (except the prospect of bowling with two uniquely awesome people, and the reality of seeing the ones I love).
There have been countless times this past week where I have both felt and wished that I would die. Some of these auras have been more prominent than others, but either way, they have not being enjoyable and I would never wish them on my greatest enemy.
More tears have fallen
More hearts have broken
There is little left for tomorrow
To all those out there who have shared comparable weeks... I am sincerely sorry. I hope and pray that we cross this valley to the mountain in the distance as soon as God desires so. Such hikes are equally tiresome, as dangerous. The darkness and depression easily consumes the weak.
Remember not to travel alone and to continually look up, for the sun and mountains are hiding in those clouds.
~'I will never leave you nor forsake you': promises from above~
I don't feel as if I can survive till the end of the day, let alone till next Friday. There is little getting me though each day (except the prospect of bowling with two uniquely awesome people, and the reality of seeing the ones I love).
There have been countless times this past week where I have both felt and wished that I would die. Some of these auras have been more prominent than others, but either way, they have not being enjoyable and I would never wish them on my greatest enemy.
More tears have fallen
More hearts have broken
There is little left for tomorrow
To all those out there who have shared comparable weeks... I am sincerely sorry. I hope and pray that we cross this valley to the mountain in the distance as soon as God desires so. Such hikes are equally tiresome, as dangerous. The darkness and depression easily consumes the weak.
Remember not to travel alone and to continually look up, for the sun and mountains are hiding in those clouds.
~'I will never leave you nor forsake you': promises from above~
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Welcome Home
naked
exposed to the world
defenseless in all regards
no where to hide
no where to run
alone in the crowd
powerless
all authority terminated
never again to be restored
left utterly dejected
left utterly forsaken
eyes opened for the first time
crushed
knocked down and forgotten
embraced in the world’s impurities
unable to stand
unable to decamp
ostracized from this perverse society
~laugh cry and die~
exposed to the world
defenseless in all regards
no where to hide
no where to run
alone in the crowd
powerless
all authority terminated
never again to be restored
left utterly dejected
left utterly forsaken
eyes opened for the first time
crushed
knocked down and forgotten
embraced in the world’s impurities
unable to stand
unable to decamp
ostracized from this perverse society
~laugh cry and die~
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Life as Few Know it
pain is inevitable, love an impostor
and friends can be replaced
why then is there ample amounts of significance
placed on their presence?
the world is deceitful, our minds tainted
and our hearts misinterpreted
yet we consider ourselves superior
looking down on our own kind
nothing lasts forever, all things fade
and become unrecognizable
still we embrace such things with force
as if all depends upon it
and friends can be replaced
why then is there ample amounts of significance
placed on their presence?
the world is deceitful, our minds tainted
and our hearts misinterpreted
yet we consider ourselves superior
looking down on our own kind
nothing lasts forever, all things fade
and become unrecognizable
still we embrace such things with force
as if all depends upon it
Monday, February 5, 2007
Hate Reflecting in My Eyes
hate pierces through my heart
judgments extend from all sides
assumptions are made
names are spoken
and a part of me slips away
my face reflects pain
i blink, desperate to hide the tears
quivering lips keep me mute
silence governing the unsettled feelings
is there no place for protection
will no one reach out
offering another chance
for even as my reflection stares back at me
i find no peace, no solace there
judgments extend from all sides
assumptions are made
names are spoken
and a part of me slips away
my face reflects pain
i blink, desperate to hide the tears
quivering lips keep me mute
silence governing the unsettled feelings
is there no place for protection
will no one reach out
offering another chance
for even as my reflection stares back at me
i find no peace, no solace there
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Shut Up & Sing
I've been told many times to "shut up", but never was it followed by "& sing". It's almost as if people don't WANT to hear my singing voice...
So the other night Manda and I watched a 'political documentary' on our own free will! It was exceptionally intriguing and remarkably entertaining- for a documentary that is...
Ok, so truthfully if it had been any other documentary I would not have attend the showing, however, due to the subject matter I made an exception. Dixie Chicks rock my socks!
Shut Up & Sing was a documentary about the Dixie Chicks and all they went through after Natalie stated, while in London when Bush declared war, "I am ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas".
This remark, which had initially been said merely as a way to fire up the audience, was blown way out of proportion...
The 'inside story' to all these happenings was humourous and yet solemn at the same time. We were also briefed on the stories behind a number of the songs... Which I thoroughly enjoyed, for that is something that I often wonder when listening to songs: I wonder how they came up with that idea or I wonder if this actually happened to them
And in learning such stories, I didn't actually mind discovering that I was wrong in some of my intial assumptions of what the song was referring to...
In returning home, I turned Dixie Chicks on, and they stayed on until Friday came, for at that point I switched to Casting Crowns (I attended their concert Friday evening and it was amazing!)
~I've fallen in Love all over again~
So the other night Manda and I watched a 'political documentary' on our own free will! It was exceptionally intriguing and remarkably entertaining- for a documentary that is...
Ok, so truthfully if it had been any other documentary I would not have attend the showing, however, due to the subject matter I made an exception. Dixie Chicks rock my socks!
Shut Up & Sing was a documentary about the Dixie Chicks and all they went through after Natalie stated, while in London when Bush declared war, "I am ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas".
This remark, which had initially been said merely as a way to fire up the audience, was blown way out of proportion...
The 'inside story' to all these happenings was humourous and yet solemn at the same time. We were also briefed on the stories behind a number of the songs... Which I thoroughly enjoyed, for that is something that I often wonder when listening to songs: I wonder how they came up with that idea or I wonder if this actually happened to them
And in learning such stories, I didn't actually mind discovering that I was wrong in some of my intial assumptions of what the song was referring to...
In returning home, I turned Dixie Chicks on, and they stayed on until Friday came, for at that point I switched to Casting Crowns (I attended their concert Friday evening and it was amazing!)
~I've fallen in Love all over again~
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Each Colour is Something More
Before leaving for school over two years ago, my adopted Grandpa made me a candy dispenser out of wood. Due to the haste of my departure, there was no time to 'finish' it (with that gross smelling paint stuff). I didn't care that much, it was still a candy dispenser to me, and whether or not it was shiny meant nothing to me.
When my parents and I reached school we journeyed out on a shopping spree to purchase the countless objects I MAY need during my time at school. One of these objects that my father decided I needed was the finish for this wooden candy dispenser.
Now here I sit, more than two years later, and I am proud to say that this afternoon, I've finished the job!
Outside, in the cold and snow, I 'painted' my candy dispenser with finish- using an old sock and a plastic bag! I was quite pleased with the job that the sock did, it's quality of 'painting' is of a much higher degree than that of a paintbrush. And, due to my fingers being inside of the sock, it was much easier to reach those hard-to-get places!
Who would have thought that an old sock would have come in so handy!
Oh, and sorry to all those who must now inhale the chemicals of my drying candy dispenser in the hallway! The candy in a few days will all be worth your suffering!
~such sweetness on my tongue i can only imagine~
When my parents and I reached school we journeyed out on a shopping spree to purchase the countless objects I MAY need during my time at school. One of these objects that my father decided I needed was the finish for this wooden candy dispenser.
Now here I sit, more than two years later, and I am proud to say that this afternoon, I've finished the job!
Outside, in the cold and snow, I 'painted' my candy dispenser with finish- using an old sock and a plastic bag! I was quite pleased with the job that the sock did, it's quality of 'painting' is of a much higher degree than that of a paintbrush. And, due to my fingers being inside of the sock, it was much easier to reach those hard-to-get places!
Who would have thought that an old sock would have come in so handy!
Oh, and sorry to all those who must now inhale the chemicals of my drying candy dispenser in the hallway! The candy in a few days will all be worth your suffering!
~such sweetness on my tongue i can only imagine~
Thursday, January 18, 2007
things random 6
First off, thank you too Krysta for tagging me... very much appreciated...
Second, the rules are simple, I am to state 6 random things about myself... that shouldn't be too difficult
1. Contrary to opposing beliefs, I am not a Lesbian...
Sorry ladies... I'm straight, that small curve is there only because of Meghan *wink*
2. I hate seeing money getting wasted, and upon seeing any amount of change on the ground, I will pick it up and add it to my random change collection box/bottle/container
3. A friend broke my heart when she told me I wasn't allowed to get a titanium engagement ring (not anytime soon though). Some silly reason about getting my finger cut off... pfft!
4. I controlled myself and did NOT buy the last piece of the 'Chocolate Suicide Cake' yesterday!
5. Chris Keller, a not-so-loved-character from One Tree Hill, was in my dream the other night. And in it we kinda hooked up... I've become obsessed with that show! Is it bad that sometimes i don't remember what is from that show and what is my life?
6. The pink house is in pending until tomorrow... for someone OTHER than us :(
I'll tag Eric, Rodney and Meg (that means you have to write a blog babe!)
Second, the rules are simple, I am to state 6 random things about myself... that shouldn't be too difficult
1. Contrary to opposing beliefs, I am not a Lesbian...
Sorry ladies... I'm straight, that small curve is there only because of Meghan *wink*
2. I hate seeing money getting wasted, and upon seeing any amount of change on the ground, I will pick it up and add it to my random change collection box/bottle/container
3. A friend broke my heart when she told me I wasn't allowed to get a titanium engagement ring (not anytime soon though). Some silly reason about getting my finger cut off... pfft!
4. I controlled myself and did NOT buy the last piece of the 'Chocolate Suicide Cake' yesterday!
5. Chris Keller, a not-so-loved-character from One Tree Hill, was in my dream the other night. And in it we kinda hooked up... I've become obsessed with that show! Is it bad that sometimes i don't remember what is from that show and what is my life?
6. The pink house is in pending until tomorrow... for someone OTHER than us :(
I'll tag Eric, Rodney and Meg (that means you have to write a blog babe!)
Monday, January 15, 2007
Point Me Home
Such a great weight I feel. Pressing, pressing down upon me.
Icing over a secret pain
You know you don't belong
The power of the mind, so zealous and persistent, easily forces me to an unrecognizable state. Upon identifying such notions, their expansion begins at a prominent rate, one which cannot be reversed.
With ease it seizes control of my entity, leaving little potential for anything to break through it's recently discovered dominance over me.
until i find a way... I'll get through each waking day, the only way i know how
To find oneself in the depths of the unknown, possessing only a false idea of security, devours my dreams. With little possibility for recovery, pain appears to be a constant in all.
Hand in hand comes pain and suffering, and with suffering, experience. But is character not built through such things?
How long 'til our dreams run dry
Life as I once knew it, will cease to exist. Each new breath, each new step, leads to a foreign land. What lies beyond my reach, far off, out of the sight of an average mortal? Unknown from not till then...
~the Devil in red returns for the heart he once had~
Icing over a secret pain
You know you don't belong
The power of the mind, so zealous and persistent, easily forces me to an unrecognizable state. Upon identifying such notions, their expansion begins at a prominent rate, one which cannot be reversed.
With ease it seizes control of my entity, leaving little potential for anything to break through it's recently discovered dominance over me.
until i find a way... I'll get through each waking day, the only way i know how
To find oneself in the depths of the unknown, possessing only a false idea of security, devours my dreams. With little possibility for recovery, pain appears to be a constant in all.
Hand in hand comes pain and suffering, and with suffering, experience. But is character not built through such things?
How long 'til our dreams run dry
Life as I once knew it, will cease to exist. Each new breath, each new step, leads to a foreign land. What lies beyond my reach, far off, out of the sight of an average mortal? Unknown from not till then...
~the Devil in red returns for the heart he once had~
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Exhale, another wasted Breath
I'm back from...
home
camp
Cuba
family
friends(...)
the crazy life of a small town girl
I'm back to...
school
classes
caf food
friends
missing my family
a room mate
the crazy life of a uni student
Christmas holidays went... fairly well. There were (as there always are when i return home) things which were disappointing. Perhaps these were just some disappointments I was unprepared for.
But to be let down is a part of life... and I imagine that through such things I've grown and changed.
Cuba was awesome. It was hot (in more than one way) and wonderfully sunny!
I did just what i wanted to- play lots of beach volleyball (which had many rewards of its own!) and got nice and brown. It is too bad that I am now in a snow storm where i can't show it off.
Since leaving school in december, I have ran into a wall... the wall of un-inspiration. I've had no desire or passion to write, and it saddens me.
Well, once or twice I've sat down with every intention and aspiration to write... but it wouldn't come.
Oh how i hope this does not last... I have so much I want to record... but no words to reveal it.
~wanting so much more, but receiving all the best~
home
camp
Cuba
family
friends(...)
the crazy life of a small town girl
I'm back to...
school
classes
caf food
friends
missing my family
a room mate
the crazy life of a uni student
Christmas holidays went... fairly well. There were (as there always are when i return home) things which were disappointing. Perhaps these were just some disappointments I was unprepared for.
But to be let down is a part of life... and I imagine that through such things I've grown and changed.
Cuba was awesome. It was hot (in more than one way) and wonderfully sunny!
I did just what i wanted to- play lots of beach volleyball (which had many rewards of its own!) and got nice and brown. It is too bad that I am now in a snow storm where i can't show it off.
Since leaving school in december, I have ran into a wall... the wall of un-inspiration. I've had no desire or passion to write, and it saddens me.
Well, once or twice I've sat down with every intention and aspiration to write... but it wouldn't come.
Oh how i hope this does not last... I have so much I want to record... but no words to reveal it.
~wanting so much more, but receiving all the best~
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