A Lacking World

The world is in constant motion, as are our lives, our relationships and our hearts. There are times when you think you understand, but then you are hit with reality.

I find it hard to take, sometimes I feel like I could break
And I hope you hear my prayer tonight


Friends are in constant flux along with you, or so it is often believed. Support, sharing, love, confidence, forgiveness... only a few of such pleasures you can benefit from such synchronization...
But without trust, can all this be possible?

Don't talk if you aren't gonna tell me the truth
Don't tell me you know and you've got everything under control
We can't have it all, but we can break the fall
This time I'm letting go, 'cause I can't take it anymore


I used to consider the prospect of being lonely and crowded simultaneously, and I've discovered it's extremely probable. Without a firm foundation of trust, good company is rare.

It was never my choice to feel all alone
This is my home
Back up, you don't know if you've never been here,
You've never been to the place inside


Welcome to a world of fears, broken dreams and a lack of morals, where everything goes and a conscience exists only in the world of losers.


~It's so hard when you're a loser~

A Place to Call my Own

A room all to myself, with no one to kick me out.
A bathroom to myself, with hair that belongs only to me.
REAL food!
A vehicle that is not only available once in a while and will take me where it is I truly need to go!

A blessing in disguise?

I realized today that my time at home will be brief. Time to spend with friends and family quickly passes as my trip to Cuba nears. Today marks 12 days until my trip, however, due to the 3 days I will be spending at Winter Camp, my time at home lessens.
This doesn't bother me to any great extent, as I have discovered that those who once wanted to spend time with me (and I with them), have found bigger and better things. Things change, as do people, it is a part of living and growing. Sure it hurts, but I've found that by distancing yourself from people before reaching this point of breaking... helps to numb the pain.
Of course this proves to be a difficult task when it is someone you love.



Cuba will be an adventure, new people (other than my 16 extra family members), new sites and new experiences. It is times like these I feel as if i am destined to live the life of a gypsy, continual traveling with little contact with people other than the casual greeting. Would life be any better?

~'I cannot think well of a man who sports with any woman's feelings'~

Tortured, Tangled Hearts

Oh love, oh love you fickle thing
Such pretty words and golden rings
It was a broken dream right from the start
Bless their tortured, tangled hearts



Drama around here is comparable to high school and T.V. (but without the cheating and the casual sex... that I'm aware of) drama.
"So and so are dating..."; "She likes him", "So and so are engaged"; "They cheated in the elections and nonetheless have been granted the position"; "So and so went across the country to captivate his true love's heart"; "They are all dying due to the lack of nourishment received from the cafeteria 'food'"



Well a blast of confusion coupled with delusion
Makes the best made plans sometimes fail
They wined and they dined, had peace of mind



So many hormones and ideas are being tossed around causing vast confusion among the residents. While some are [finally] seeing clearly, others are becoming increasingly disorientated.
One would think that simply stated words could clear up such mayhem... but when words are working contrary to the actions, no simple conclusion is possible.



But the mighty cloud of destiny came driftin' through the gates
And busted up what could have been a perfect, hopeless case



Is it possible for one to feel one thing in their mind and the complete opposite in their heart? And if so, which is the right feeling? Such events are common during these times.

While some people are ready to 'take the plunge', others are slipping in slowly and still others are too afraid to dip their toes in. None of these are superior methods to the others, but you can't help but compare your situation to those around you... which never turns out well
Why must we instinctively compare everything and everyone around us to our standards. We live in a world of judgments which lead to nothing but further confusion and uncertainty.



~down on its knees true love did fall~

"I'll Keep You My Dirty Little Secret"

I love literature of all kinds... and lately, lyrics have been at the top of my favourite kinds of literature.

At times, it seems almost as if you are the subject of their words...

~Punk Rock Princess~
Maybe when I'm done with thinking,
Maybe you can think me whole.
Maybe when I'm done with endings
This can begin, this can begin
This can begin.


And other times you are inspired but what others have learned and are now passing on to the world...

~I Hope You Dance~
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance


And other times, when reading these words, you are reminded of amazing things, that at times seem so far off and almost fake...

~I can only Imagine~
I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

Writing of any kind has a uniqueness to it that influences me in so many ways, and at times it makes me wish that i lived in the world of fiction... like my very own fairy tale.


~there is only one place where you can dream as big as the sky~

Tis the Season

Now that it is December, the media has begun to impress upon the urgencies of completing our Christmas shopping. Radio stations, malls, movies, tv etc. have commenced the continual Christmas music, Seasonal Greetings and reminders of how many shopping days remain... dun dun dun

I went to the mall today and shopped for nearly 3 hours... but to no avail! It seems that our material-loving world is gaining nothing by its over produce of objects, and to top it all off, as the prices grow, the quality diminishes! Our world is becoming trash, and they are forcing us to pay extra for it!

Once in a while, however, you are fortunate to formulate a special gift idea in your mind... but once you begin making it happen you discover that there is a flaw in your plans... it is nearly impossible to create something wonderful out of a trash-world. Oh the irony...


~why change something that was already so good?~

For All those Who "Knew it..."

Think back to all those things that you've had to wait for. Imagine if you had given up- you may never have experienced that desire being fulfilled!

Searching/waiting is an important part of reaching your ultimate goal. While the treasure at the end of the course is what you have fixed your eyes on, it is not nearly as enjoyable if it is reached within the first moments of the search commencing. The period of anticipation only makes the enthusiasm grow, ultimately making that end satisfaction that much better.

Some give up, but some persist... and those are the ones that reach their goal- those are the ones that ones who's patience is rewarded.
(but to some of you, I'm afraid to report that there are exceptions- somethings are just never meant to be)



Waitin' On A Woman - Brad Paisley

Sittin' on a bench at West Town Mall
He sat down in his overalls and asked me
You waitin' on a woman
I nodded yeah and said how 'bout you
He said son since nineteen fifty-two I've been
Waitin' on a woman

When I picked her up for our first date
I told her I'd be there at eight
And she came down the stairs at eight-thirty
She said I'm sorry that I took so long
Didn't like a thing that I tried on
But let me tell you son she sure looked pretty
Yeah she'll take her time but I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

He said the wedding took a year to plan
You talk about an anxious man, I was nervous
Waitin' on a woman
And then he nudged my arm like old men do
And said, I'll say this about the honeymoon, it was worth it
Waitin' on a woman

And I don't guess we've been anywhere
She hasn't made us late I swear
Sometimes she does it just 'cause she can do it
Boy it's just a fact of life
It'll be the same with your young wife
Might as well go on and get used to it
She'll take her time 'cause you don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

I've read somewhere statistics show
The man's always the first to go
And that makes sense 'cause I know she won't be ready
So when it finally comes my time
And I get to the other side
I'll find myself a bench, if they've got any
I hope she takes her time, 'cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

Honey, take your time, cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman



~Always Late, but worth the Wait~

Anonymously Written

I can't even begin to describe what it feels like to finally be done my last paper of the semester. It seemed like it was just a constant flow of essays, with continuous Spanish exams, tests and quizzes, and once in a while a religion paper and exam tossed in for extra flavour.

Now, with a week and a half before finals begin, I'm given the chance to relax. But with relaxing comes wondering thoughts, confusion and friends who make you figure things out. It's just too bad that these thoughts had to come my way at a time I would have much rather been sleeping.

However, there is an upside to late-night/early-morning discussions . . . but those positive details seem to have escaped me for the moment (I suppose that'll happen when you are working off only 4 hours of sleep)

Last night, while listening to my trusty All-American Rejects station on Pandora, there were certain songs that spoke to me. The things they were saying, it was almost as if they were in front me, singing their songs, as if they had been written for me, for this exact moment in time.

Crazy how those things happen eh.

I tried to search for the lyrics to these songs to share with you, but the internet has failed me! *gasp*
But feel free to search on your own
- Each Other's Arm by:None Other
- You were the one by Stereo

~taking the leap, hand in hand~

And I got it from Alyson :)

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...


OPENING CREDITS: Your Song (Moulin Rouge: Ewan McGregor)

WAKING UP: Elephant Love Medley (Moulin Rouge: Ewan McGregor & Nicole Kidman) I swear it is on shuffle!

FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL: Come Back to Texas (Bowling for Soup)

FALLING IN LOVE: Wipe Out (Beach Boys)

FIGHT SONG: #41 (Dave Matthews Band)

BREAKING UP: Just Tonight (Jimmy Eat World)

FORMAL: Mama Mia (Abba)

FINAL BATTLE: Beautiful (Audio Adrenaline)

DEATH SCENE: Spill the Wine (Eric Burdon & War)

FUNERAL: Golden Years (David Bowie)

END CREDITS: Welcome Home (Shaun Groves)



~by the power of procrastination vested in me~

Secrets are meant to be Kept by Both parties...

It's not that I am not excited, and it's not that I don't approve . . . I'm just in shock!

Well, shock may be an understatement . . . But since I am currently suffering from writers block (which I must say is doing wonders for my essay writing. . .), the proper words for my current condition escapes me.

I still don't think it has really sunk in . . . though that may be partially due to my uncertainty on what this all entails. Sure an engagement includes a ring, a date, a big white dress, a church, guests, a wedding party, another ring, a honeymoon etc. . . . But the whole "...through sickness and health ... as long as you both shall live!" that's big- real big! Exceptionally big- but exciting!

I try to put myself in your shoes . . . But seeing as I am single and scared of commitment . . . I fail.

All the best to you two! I love you and I can't wait to help with planning . . .!


~August suddenly seems much sooner~

Once Upon A Time . . .

At a young age, girls are given the [false] hope of a future day when Prince Charming is to appear- gallant, powerful and sweet- high upon his white stallion. Then, they will be swept off their feet and carried off into the distant land of Happily Ever After. They dream of their Mr. Perfect, but realize- once they've entered the real world- that all their dreams may have been in vain . . .



You hate men is what you say and I understand how you feel that way
All girls dream of a fairy tale
But what you've got's like a used car salesman
Trying to conceal what's wrong behind a smile and the song
And I'm not saying that boys are not like that
But I think you should know (you should)
That some of us will grow
(Princes and Frogs, Superchick)



There are, however, exceptions to every rule . . . for rules are meant to be broken! But how are they to know which are the exceptions: the epitome of scum and typical guy; no where near the Prince Charming standard planted deep in their hearts and mind?!



These misleading visions remind me of Faith Hill's lyrics in "This Kiss",
...How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I’m forever yours
It all seems so simple but perfect . . . so how does it end up so utterly destroyed?

One answer may be the false belief of perfection (in men anyway)

see for yourself

~so much for my happy ending~

n.d.a.R.o.m

Having to listen to the repetitive rain tape is enough at night- there is NO need to stretch it into the day as well.

I need headphones that block out the sound around me better or else it defeats the purpose I use them for.

I have a great desire to go CD shopping, but for that money is needed.

Tomorrow I head off to Vancouver where I will meet my parents then head to Vancouver Island to meet up with some friends. My first time leaving campus for more then a few hours in ages!

What is the importance of Spanish class? It is not as if I'm actually going to remember any of it the moment I've written that final exam (which isn't even until the end of NEXT semester . . . what did I do to deserve a full year language course?!)

Sitting here listening to my dear friend struggling with her stats lab- my heart goes out to her . . . how I wish I could help

It is extremely challenging to write a 2000 word essay on a Shakespearian play when you are suffering from serious ADD.

Yesterday a group of girls were crowded around a catalog of engagement rings (why our dorm receives these in the mail is beyond me) and I've fallen into the obsession as well, except I found mine on the internet, check it out!

my ring

One month yesterday is when I go home for Christmas. I can't believe this semester is nearly done! But I get to see my family!

Did you know it is only 238 days till Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix movie comes out?! I wish that the seventh book would come out soon . . .

~there is another fool like me?!~

Maybe school is good for something after all

I've come to school to learn, and learn I do.

On Saturday night a friend of mine (a music major) informed me of the once existing H key. I know you are more than likely thinking you are so gullible and at first I thought that too, but he has assured me that he was not lying. And I trust that- *gasp* trust- is there something wrong with me?!

On Monday night it was discovered that there is infact a difference between a single and a double shot . . . Especially in a not-so-large-sized-mug of hot chocolate! Oh, but it was quite tasty, after you became accustomed to the smell of toothpaste!
And playing Mafia- awesome fun! except when your fellow partner in crime turns on you!
Maybe I shouldn't be trusting his stories of H keys *ponders* . . .

Oh, I also made a home made checkers board! And we used magnets as the pieces . . . The different colours confused me and I'm out of practice. Though I doubt that I could win even if I played all the time . . . Silly people and their crazy high IQ's, it's not fair!

~every day a little less ignorant~

It's So Hard

Excerpts from the Dixie Chicks' So Hard

And sometimes I don't have the energy
To prove everybody wrong
And I try my best to be strong
But you know it's so hard
It's so hard

And I'd feel so guilty
If that was a gift I couldn't give
And could you be happy
If life wasn't how we pictured it

And sometimes I just want to wait it out
To prove everybody wrong
And I need your help to move on
Cause you know it's so hard
It's so hard

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~


Sometimes things happen in life that make us question God and His perfect plan. You think that maybe there has been a mistake- that this wasn't supposed to happen!
But God doesn't make mistakes.
When difficult times come along you may feel abandoned by God as well as the world. But just like in poem Footprints, it is these times that God carries us.


Ever get to a point in life when the road divides into about six different paths- all of which have their perks and drawbacks- but you are unsure of which way you are supposed to go, or if you are even supposed to go anywhere?!


~it's so hard when it doesn't come easy~

Oh the Mind of Me

Imagine this . . .


You are seated all alone at a table when suddenly six cakes appear before you. They are situated just beyond arms reach. Your mouth falls open in awe. It is explained to you that these are not ordinary cakes. These are professionally made cakes, prepared especially for you. Each is made with the finest chocolates and each very unique to the others.

Obviously you would be delighted beyond understanding! (or perhaps that is just me, but envision yourself feeling the same way for the sake of my imagination)

Then the voice (no one else is present in the room with you, and the voice seems to be coming from all directions) continues on saying that you must choose only ONE of these cakes for yourself.

You blink suddenly, cocking your head to one side as if to listen to these words at a new angle, hoping this would change their meaning. Only one? You wonder if that is even possible, and if so, WHY?!
You may ask If each is made especially for me, why must I choose only one? Which is a completely reasonable question! (for I myself have asked the same question, and I like to think I am reasonable) But one that is not answered, instead the voice continues to say that you must choose one.

You begin scanning the cakes. With each look your mouth begins to salivate more intensely, and your stomach growls with more force than ever before! (at first it tricks you into believing that it is not your stomach at all, but rather your cell phone vibrating due to an incoming call or text message)

You ask the voice whether you can have a small slice of each instead, or perhaps to aid in the decision. But your request is denied and once again you are reminded that you must choose only one.
You attempt to reach for one of the cakes but you are unable to lift your body from the chair and the cakes remain just beyond arms reach.

What would you do?
Would you be able to make a decision? And if you did, would you wonder if perhaps you made the wrong one and that a different one would have tasted better . . .?
Or would you sit there- your neck sore from the constant scanning of the six cakes- going crazy! You are unable to sleep- in fear that it is all a dream and when you wake they will no longer be there- and your lack of sleep and the stress of such an extreme decision is driving you to the brink of insanity!


Just something to think about on a hungry day.


~long since passed that brink of insanity~

With hospitals come Straws

Today as I sit here comfortable (to an extend- as being squashed into my little corner can get crampy), relaxed (when I force my brain to wonder from the numerous things I must accomplish in the next few days), fully clothed (with extra blankets and such) and warm (my room is anything but warm, but I would consider it only to be a small cooler, and we all know there are many things colder than that!) I think and pray for those in worse off situations, especially today, for my dear sister.

At this very moment she is lying in a hospital bed wearing nothing but a hospital robe, with an old- freaky sounding, according to what I've been told- doctor hunched over her attacking her with all sorts of sizes and shapes of equipment! Thankfully she is drugged and, if all goes according to plan, will have no recollection of today's events.
However, if today's events consisted of an attractive, kind, young, male nurse . . . she may want to remember what occurred. Or perhaps it is not a young nurse but instead an older doctor who does not often show kindness but cynicism, who walks with a cane and who's name happens to be Gregory House! Though I suppose that would be nearly impossible since he was arrested last night!

So I dedicate this to her and all her probable discomfort today and for a number of days to come. It is nothing of serious issues that this operation is for, and it is believed she will walk away from it a better person (appearance wise if nothing else).
And to her when she reads this, just remember the good things that can come from drinking everything with a straw

~the cutest boy I ever say was sipping soda from a straw . . . I asked him if he'd teach me how to sip my soda from a straw . . .~

No Michael Buble :(

So last night our dorm activity was learning the basic steps used in ballroom dancing. I signed up to attend for the sole reason that this would be the introduction of the chocolate fountain and it seemed only fit that I were in attendance for such a celebration. The dancing, to me, was merely a method of wearing off the calories we would be consuming.
(though while dancing, one of my partners informed me that in order to wear of the energy one Smarty gives you, you'd have to walk around a football field twice- that is a lot of dancing! Darn science students)

However before the night began I was informed- first be an inside source and then later by the white board- that it was to be a black and white affair. *gag* I was not impressed! And furthermore, I did not have any black bottoms and white tops (my mother practically disallows my dressing in white due to my inevitable fate of staining it) here at school. One of my dear R.A.'s was kind enough to lend me a white top (even though I told her "me, white and chocolate do not mix") and gave me permission to wear my jeans :)

So I arrived at the dance with the intentions of eating tons of chocolate and then excusing myself before the dancing had begun. However I got dragged into it and soon found myself actually enjoying myself! Who knew that dancing could be fun!
And the chocolate was not disappointing either! :)






And for those of you who wish to see additional photo's of the night you can visit this blog below as you can always count on him to post and take more photos than I.

The Anguish of Words

And thanks to all those who were patient with my two left feet!


~I wish to live in the days of ballroom dancing, dance cards and no hip-hop~

Another Block on the Tower of Problems

In an early comment a friend asked me "what are you passionate about?"

And I stopped- what am I passionate about. I thought about it for quite some time, but nothing came. I decided to turn to the dictionary for assistance.

Passion: adj. strong and barely controllable emotion

Emotion is something that I don't show often, and if I do it's to an extreme.
But being passionate about something is not a feeling I believe I've felt. Sure there are things that I enjoy, but those feelings depend on my mood. There is nothing (well, other than chocolate) that I delight in unceasingly.

Is there something wrong with me?

-?Powerless for Passion?-

Not just because I wrote one about my Sisters

My brother is one of the coolest kids I know.

He is 7 years and 20 days younger than I. And I still recall the day he was born! Only weeks before I had made a wish on a 'magic friendship bracelet' that the baby in my mother's stomach would be a boy! (so everyone can thank me for the joy he brings)

One of the things I like most about him is that he truly does not care what other people think of him (which at his age is a big thing). He is involved in everything from Hockey to Youth Group to the Chess Club! (The whole chess club thing surprised me too, I just found out about that this afternoon!)

He is
brave -he's already transferred schools 3 times- where I was afraid of going to high school when all my friends were coming with me!
intelligent -he can kick my butt at any math question and he is in the chess club
loving -you should see him playing with younger children- he'll make a great babysitter one day
creative -he's invented some the most inovative games I have ever tried to comprehend
entertaining -I've had friends ask if they could rent him for entertainment
. . . the list could continue on for ages but I realize that you all probably don't want to hear me ramble on about my brother.

But I know you all want to meet him!

~sometimes having a brother is even better then having a superhero~

Sisters

I am the eldest of four children. Three of us being girls, and than the fortunate youngest- the boy!
Being away at university- nearly 20 hours from home- provides little time to spend with my family, it is tough, but we get by with emails, phone calls and the great technology of MSN.

Today I was blessed to have received an email from one sister and share some quick words on msn with the other.

The email was genius (I really wonder where my dear sisters learned such writing skills!) and insightful! For my sister- a large supporter of anti-boy views- has given me relationship advice. Where did she learn it you may ask- from a book of course, where else! She said :
I've figure you out. Your not afraid of commitment you are just afraid of being trapped in the relationship. You want freedom and relationship together. And every guy you've liked and went out with kept trying to get a big commitment out of you so you felt trapped. So you pulled away a little to see if you had any freedom left and they chased you harder. You just have to find some one who gives you space when you pull away that will let you know that you still have freedom and then be like but why isn't he trying to get me back and you'll start wanting a commitment from him. See all problems solved.

For now I remain impartial to such advice, but it is an interesting concept.

As for my other dear sister, I have not received an email from her in a while, but she still cheers me up when ever I talk with her. This is what the end of our conversation resembled this evening :

HER:?
alright, much love to you too dearling, rock edmonton to shreds love you bunny!!!!?
?
?ME:?
lol . . . bunny?
?
?HER:?
that's right, it's a compliment too
?

My love for them grows each day, as does my yearning for them.


~I pity those without sisters, for who than can make you laugh and cry at the same time ~

"I've got you Under my Spell"

It saddens me to hear of people who cannot appreciate what country (or any other genre which they haven't given a fair chance) music has to offer. They judge it by a few songs they've heard and assume they are all equivalent to that. I do not feel I pressure others to listen to my music, but I do delight in sharing with them quality country music.

My family was my first victim! They were not aficionado in the slightest, but through my eager persuasions they found a new appreciation for it, and for now, that is all I can ask. And it always makes my day to hear that they are listening to my music at home and thinking about me!
SUCCESS

Last year, as school commenced, my roommate told me of her disfavour with some of my style of music. Slowly I presented my favourites, and, when there were no complaints, I continued to introduce more and more, until one day she admitted she quite enjoyed country!
SUCCESS!

More success came when a good friend of mine bought his very own country CD, without even my knowledge!
SUCCESS!

Next, a dear friend of mine, openly revealed his feelings for the Dixie Chicks and their music when he first played the CD I made for him in his care with his male friends AND sang along. Then when he joined me in my adventure to the Dixie Chicks' concert this summer! He was equally as excited as I was to be experiencing such an amazing band first hand!
SUCCESS


Most recently my dear might-as-well-be roommate came to me wanting to borrow some good music. Moments later I heard Dixie Chicks blaring from across the hall.
SUCCESS

What I like to see :) Welcome to the dark side!


~ sometime I surprise myself at how manipulative I can be ~
*wink*

What's the Delay?!

Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified;
do not be discouraged,
for the LORD your God will
be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

Life is full of twists and turns. No matter where you go or who you are with- there are going to be times that you loath the situation you are in.


So here I am school. Second year of university. Why am I here? That's a good question, one that I can only answer with, "God only knows". I have no idea what I want to do with me future . . . well, there is none that I feel passionately about. And I am still searching frantically for that God-given-talent that, as a child, we are all told we have.
I've seen people who's talent is public speaking.
People who's talent is music.
People who's talent is caring and loving, patience and support.
There are people who seem to have a God-given-talent in everything they do!
It is frustrating sometimes. And I can't help be envious of those people. I know that God will reveal his plan for me in his perfect time . . . but I'm not a patient girl!


~...those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength...~

"Lord, what fools these mortals be!" -Puck

This morning, as I was preparing for my day, I had this sudden sense that I was somehow taller today than yesterday. Could it be . . . Is it possible?!
I examined myself in the mirror. I appeared taller than I recalled! A smile materialized upon my face- it had been a dream of mine to grow ever since my youngest sister had passed me in height! Then my eyes fell to the bottom of my pants where they were cuffed, in the same place they always had been. And they weren't too short. :(
My senses had once again fooled me!
(doesn't it feel good to be a fool)


As I was seated here this afternoon, working on an essay, the song "Getting There" by Terri Clark began to play on Pandora. These lyrics caught my attention :
You want an answer as soon as you say a prayer
You want to land the moment you're in the air
Baby the living is all in the Getting There

It's true you know . . . I'm often guilty of it myself- wanting so much for the answer or the end to come that I want to skip the process of achieving those things. But the 'getting there' is the joys, the cries, the ups and the downs, the memories that make life.

~be a fool- live your life!~

this is what happens when you go to the bathroom

this is fun...ha ha ha GO DUCKS GO

Guidance

'So it was not you who sent me here, but God' (Genesis. 45:8)
God's plan is far beyond us- we are taken and used, like Joseph.

'Be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God - what is good and acceptable and perfect' (Romans 12:2)
Prayer is a way that God guides us. Just be close to Him, open your heart, your soul and your mind to what he has to say.

'If we live by the Spirit, let us also be guided by the Spirit' (Galatians 5:25)
Let us walk and move in the grace of God, doing all things for and with Him.

'And all this works together for our good and his good, and the good of others' (Romans 8:28).
Every situation that we find ourselves in, whether it be good or bad, painful or joyful, will somehow, in some way, work out to be His perfect plan, and ultimately bring glory to God.


Everyone goes through rough times, or find ourselves in tough situations where we are stumped, and have no idea what to do. You may think that one way is better than the other . . . but the constant haze in your mind is no help.
Praying for guidance seems to be getting old. You know that God answers all prayers in his perfect time . . .
Sometimes, i feel like there is no time left, and i wonder "did i miss God's guidance?"


-stop looking for something that's been right in front of you all along-

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Fear (n) - an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

Fear (v) - be afraid of something or someone as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.

Fear is a perfectly natural part of life. Everyone, at some point in their life has felt fear.
There are also some people who's fears surpass the average and become phobias.
But I wonder, at what point is it considered a phobia?

As for me, two of my greatest fears are public speaking and commitment.
When either of these are mentioned when referring to me, I become uneasy. I begin to shake, my throat contrasts and my breathing becomes raspy, I get an upset stomach and I feel as if I could easily slip out of consciousness.
I am like the 'stereotypical guy'- runs at the first sign of commitment and/or marriage!

Experts say the only way to over come ones fears is to face it. Just thinking about that begins this whole process over again.
To face these fears- would that mean I would have to place myself in a relationship requiring great commitment?
Must I deliver a speech to a large crowd?

Is there no other way to conquer fears?

~ignorance is slowly becoming my best policy~

$ $ $

Money.

The love of Money is the root to all evil.
Money is also the most lusted after object in our world- the dream for nearly every living person. The believe of "if only we had more money, THEN we'd be happy"governs the minds of men and women alike.
Children, and even some adults, when asked what they want to be when they grow up, often answer "rich".
What's the point?

But . . .
with money you could always purchase your very own NHL team!
Or so I discovered yesterday when my sister informed me that my cousin has purchased the Pittsburgh Penguins, and is now working on moving them to Kitchener Ontario!

see for yourself!

I was dumbstruck when I read about this. And it made me wonder, is there really any joy in possessing that much money. It is far too much money for them to even know what to do with, enough that they need not think twice about buying an NHL team! Such a wealth is all but a dream for the majority of the world, but for those few people who have it, it is merely reality.

-it is easier for camel to get through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get to heaven-

:O OUCH :O

He hung up on me- that JERK!

So, for the first time ever- in my entire life- someone hung up the phone on me! And didn't even call me back! I did not even commit an unforgivable act which would have almost given him a logical motive for commiting such a horrible act!
It was almost as if he just didn't want to hear me anymore!

Is that even possible?

:| I am stunned! My mind is blank- how to respond?!

Perhaps, if he truly does not wish to talk to me I shall just stop talking to him- do him a favour, see how he feels then!

Perhaps if he could apologize without laughing we would be in a different situation . . . but until then, I hope he enjoys silence!

~and it is not even that I talk that much!~

Some Days You Gotta Dance

I'm not much of a dancer.
In fact there are few things I would not do to get out of going to a dance. I think the part I despise most about dances is the music. Today's 'popular music' irritates me to no end, and having to go to an event dedicated entirely to this is nothing but torture to me.

However, I have no problem with dancing in it self (if done in a tasteful manner) and I believe that it can be a superb way to express ones self, also, a great way to release extra energy and tension.

So here is a small quote from one of the more upbeat Dixie Chicks songs for all those who believe- due to my last post- that they are depressing.

'Some days you gotta dance
Live it up when you get the chance
'Cause when the world doesn't make no sense
And you're feeling just a little to tense
Gotta loosen up those chains and dance


~dance like no one is watching~
(if only I could live by those words myself)

Dixie Chicks y Chocolate

Miserable moods call for drastic measures.

Well, that's not entirely true. It is probably more that miserable moods call for extremities. (does that make sense . . . ?)
All day I've been listening to Dixie Chicks (yes the same 50 some songs over and over and over again- I have no problem with it) and eating chocolate (and it is not just because I'm obsessed).
Some of you may be puzzled as to why this is different than any other day for me . . . there is nothing else I wish to devote my time to but these two things.
Nothing can comfort one in a wallowing state better then these things.

Chocolate: Toblerone (an extra big one)

Song(s): Hole in my Head; Heartbreak Town; Don't Waste Your Heart; Everybody Knows

Lyrics:
'I need a boy like you like a hole in my head
Let's just say we will and then don't instead
. . . You're gonna take me boy on a wild goose chase
You better find somebody to take my place
You took my imagination and stomped it in the ground. . .'
(Hole in my Head)

'This ain't nothin' but a Heartbreak Town
Square people in a world that's round
And they watch you dancin' without a sound
. . . You take your number and you stand in line
And they watch to see how high you're gonna climb
Pat on the back 'n' better luck next time . . .'
(Heartbreak Town)

'And I'm here to apologize
My heart can't compromise
Don't waste your heart on me'
(Don't Waste your Heart)

'Looking through the crowd
I search for something else
But every time I turn around
I run into myself
Here I stand
Consumed with my surroundings
Just another day
Of everybody looking
I swore they'd never see me cry
You'll never see me cry'
(Everybody Knows)


If you are one of those pessimistic people who judge all country music to be depressing . . . don't base those opinions on these lyrics . . . there are plenty of happy and uplifting songs by country artists. There are also very depressing and whinny songs performed by none country artists.


A thought:
'I'd rather be alone
Like I am tonight
Than settle for the kind of love
That fades before the morning light'
(I Believe in Love)


~Praise God for Chocolate and Music in good and bad times . . . but mostly bad~

The Perfect Day

Every girl, beginning at the age she could talk, has dreamt of the day she would enter holy matrimony. Though, more than the actual wedlock, the fantasies are dominated by the dress, ring, music, cake, colours, wedding party and once in a while, the groom (a.k.a. Prince Charming, or Night in shining Armour).

I am one of those girls.
I have begun a list of "Wedding Songs" (which is dominated mostly by country songs) and I heard a song the other day I wish to be played during the traditional father-daughter dance.

For a number of years now, during extra time, or when I just wish for something to aid in my procrastination, I google wedding dresses, hoping to find a style which corresponds with the vision in my mind.

Lately, a friend and I (she who is much further along in her quest than I) have a habit of trying on rings in stores (usually stores like Walmart, and sometimes, make the mistake of trying on the wrong size and then are forced to take drastic measures in order to remove it from our fingers) and discussing our 'perfect' engagement ring. Today, after a brief discussion with a friend about proposals, I found myself googling engagement rings!

But I wonder . . . why is it that girls are so eager to be placed in a position of complete dependence on a mans commitment, completely vulnerable to another human being!


~to be in the spotlight without the fear of being left at the alter or left years later- that's the real dream girls should have~

Perhaps It's Just a Phase . . .

I have spent my entire student career as a slacker and a procrastinator. All through high school and elementary school I seldom studied (and if I did, it was moments before the test/exam), my papers were written last minute (often right before class) and I spent little to no time outside of class practicing my second language (which would no doubt explain why I dropped it due to my restricted comprehension I had after having studied it for 12 years).
Even my first year of university I did limited amounts of reading and studying, and my papers were- for the most part- done only hours before they were due!
And it all worked out! I passed and other then my most recent semester, I did well!

And now here you find me in my second year of university, and it seems my study habits have taken a turn for the better. In fact, I am worried that I may be becoming a NERD.
You may wonder what drastic changes I have made to give me such fears . . .
~ for one, I am all caught up on my reading assignments
~ for two, it was done before the day it was due
~ for three . . .

I JUST MADE FLASH CARDS

*SHIVER*

I'm not too sure what possessed me to do such a thing. But they are made, over 100 of them.
And this was all done during a time that I could be at the zoo for free! But instead I'm in my room, studying . . .

~what would my mother say?!~

Live, Suffer, Learn

I've been beaten, loved, knocked down, used, guarded, broken, betrayed, and insulted. I know that this is a reality for the majority of the world.
I've had few true friends and many 'friends'. We have been through a lot together, some of which has strengthened our relationships while in other cases, has torn us apart.
I have been in a few relationships, most of which I would not do again, but I don't regret. They each have taught me something about myself and priorities I should have for my life.
Sure there are components of my life that I'm not proud of, but I believe that every decision I've made and experience I've been through has brought me to this point in my life and created me as you see me today.
Unlike the movies, you can't go back to 'fix' your 'mistakes', all you can do is use these events to make better decisions than before.

-Nobodies life is perfect, some may appear superior to others, but it all depends on what you value most in life.-

Never Argue With a Woman

This is a forward I received from my sister, I'm not usually one for sending forwards, and so I decided instead to share it with all you! It's a great story! And for all you guys out there, be careful . . . it's all true!



One morning the husband returns after several hours of
fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the
wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors,
and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and
says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that
obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he
informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you
could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the
woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.


MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Send this to four women/girls who are thinkers. If you
receive this, you know you're intelligent.

I've Purchased my very own Cell Phone

I have now been in the city for over a week, and it has succesfully changed me. Well, not completely, because as I have been informed by a dear friend- who wishes to be named but i have chosen to keep him anonymous due to the great amounts of emphasis that would be taken off me and put on him. Anyways, he told me that "You can take the girl out of the country, but not the country out of the girl" though, i do recognize that, i think he's stolen that quote from elsewhere!
Plagarism!
Cheating!
He will be reported to the dean . . . oh man am i ever sick of hearing that!
Like truly, how unintelligent can university students be that they must be told repeatedly that you cannot take information without giving the source . . . blah blah blah
We've been hearing it since 1st grade, if you don't know it by now, you have more issues then your rich parents can help you with!


So, Amanda and I got kind of bored this week, and with bordom and Amanda comes creativity and randomness! And so, we decided to decorate the Resident Director (of boys residence) foor!
There! we took a bland door and turned it into an inviting space! Perhaps the outside world will no longer be so intimidated by him! And I'm sure he will be quite thrilled about our actions! It is just too bad that he doesn't know who we are . . .

-ring ring, i can now be reached at all times, for it [the cell phone] has seized my soul-

Return to the Wild

Leaving in about 20 minutes. Excited yet, kind of sad, but that will soon pass.

10 Things I'll miss about this place (in no specific order)

1. 4-wheeler adventures with mud and abandoned houses

2. Being close to family: hanging out with my siblings, home cooked meals, my father's sense of humour, mom's blonde moments (reminds me of where I come from!)

3. My own bathroom, bedroom, basement (privacy)

4. silent, starry nights, with no sirens, stabbings, traffic or crime (well, limited crime anyways)

5. small town life- seeing people you know everywhere you go

6. Wireless internet

7. A vehicle to drive to take me where I want to go, when I want to go

8. clean, good tasting water right from the tap

9. shelves, cupboards and chests full of movies and games

10. A few good friends you know you can call no matter what


-Rock on to Freedom!-

Love to Die

Everyone has those few special people that mean the world to them. You feel like you can tell them anything- and you do- and they can tell you everything - and they do. And then, all of a sudden- reality strikes. Everyone is human, everyone is going to fail you . . . and it's like a knife in the heart. And, if that doesn’t hurt enough, instead of it getting pulled out, someone decided to jiggle it around . . . making it deeper, bigger and more unbearable.
Sometimes they don’t tell you thinks to protect you . . . they think that if they tell you it’ll just hurt. But guess what- later, when they do find out (and they always do) it hurts so much more.

-Why is it that the people closest to you end up hurting you the worst-

The Joys of Boys

This past week has been almost enjoyable. Ok, that's a lie, I've had fun.

One day I spent the afternoon with 7 boys- it was . . . almost educational! I learned what NOT to do when you've forgotten matches/lighter to start the barbecue (and that would be try to keep a cigar lit for the entire boat ride and then try to start a small grass fire which you then try to transfer to the barbecue, and in the mean time smoke a whole pack causing you to lose all taste in your mouth). We spent the afternoon eating burgers (because after the whole fiasco of trying to light the barbecue with no matches, someone remembered they did have some after all!), exploring the island and jumping off the cliffs into the water! SO much fun!!


I was also honoured with the company of my father on a small sailing excursion yesterday. The wind was . . . mediocre, but the sailing superior! Though there were no real insightful conversations, the time I got to spend with him doing what he loved, was priceless.


Last night, kind of against my will, I went to the fair. It scared the crap out of me- seeing all the young punks- knowing that one day that generation will be responsible for our country, and ultimately our world.
While the fair was nothing special, just as dirty and expensive as past years, the time I spent with a few friends was momentous.
The part that was of most unforgettable was the ride home afterwards. It began with one of the guys sticking a stuffed whale out the window while singing his own version of "Under the Sea" to the pedestrians we passed.
Suddenly, he lost his hat out the window! The driver made a U-turn as soon as possible and returned to retrieve it. However, the hat was on the opposite side of the road and there was traffic behind us. So we drove further until we were able to make yet another U-turn, this time we were fortunate to have no cars behind us. When we arrived to the spot where we had last seen the hat, it had disappeared. We began inspecting the pedestrians to see if they had claimed it for themselves. Ahead we saw two girls, and just as we were nearing them they tossed a-hat-like object into the ditch!
We pulled over and began searching the ditch- garnished with rocks, water and tall grass- for a grey hat (it might as well of been camouflage). Due to the time of day (nearly 1 am) it was proving to be an extremely difficult task.
Soon, another vehicle began aiding in our search. While they had a flashlight, the search still ended to no avail.
The three of us, now cold, wet and perturbed, returned to the car for our long ride home.



While my time home as been pleasant (except for a few awkward situations), I am more then ready to be returning to school! There are a number of people here that I will miss terribly, and others that I would not care if I ever see again.

To all those heading off to school for their first time this year the best of luck, and watch out for the freshman fifteen! For those returning to high school or university/college, I hope that this year is better then last!
And to my old roommate . . . I MISS YOU!!!!

-the simplicity of boys makes me confused as to why they are so difficult to understand-

Broken Hearts, Walls and Reality

I've discovered how completely desolate life can be when I'm reluctant to open myself up . . .
My guard, that was set up eons ago, has become an inseparable part of me. No matter how apparent it becomes that there is so much passing me bye on the other side of that wall, I may never be able to over come it- to break through to the world of laughter, love, tears and reality.
. . . even though I may think that I am warm and protected hiding beneath my safety bubble . . . inside I feel empty.



Can one ever become completely independent of their old self . . . to move on to bigger and better things, free from the constant worries of broken hearts and disappointments?



Lately I have been reminded a number of times that it "Is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all"
How true is that? And how does one know what love truly is?
Some say love is the "can't eat, can't sleep" sorta feeling, that "love is when you don't want to go to sleep because reality is better than any dream could ever be".
But then you look at all those divorced couples out there who thought that they had that feeling . . . where did they go wrong?

It is situations like those which frighten me back into my shell . . .




~remember: it's not the one you can live with- but the one you can't live without- who is worth fighting for~

Dixie Chicks Rock My World!!

It was PHENOMENAL . . . i can't even begin to describe it!

So many people -sold out concert, and another one this evenning (and how i wish i could be there)! Silly americans and their stubborn views on politics, (no offense my american friends . . .) they have no idea what they are missing out on!

Amazing sound! CD's will never sound the same . . . who invented such a rip-off anyways?

So close- like, they were actualy RIGHT there! If only i were Inspector Gadget i could have reached out and touched them!

And who would have thought that after having 5 kids within the 3 of them they could look that good -atleast according to the guy beside me. Throught the entire concert he was contemplating how it would be possible for him to hook up with one of them.

-my love for music has skyrocketed, how did i ever live without it?!-

The Call to be Organized

The count is down to 1 day, 19 hours, 13 minutes and 11 seconds until the moment I have been waiting for for years. My first concert, but not just any concert, the Dixie Chicks. The band that got me hooked on country . . .

So, there I was, seated on the couch with my sister and parents, we were discussing our plans for the next few days. First we will be on the house boat and then Jake and I would be off to Winnipeg, first for a wedding reception (it's kind of scary to see some of my friends getting married!) and then to the long awaited concert. At that, my mother asked if I had my tickets packed . . . which I hadn't, so I went to retrieve them from their "safe keeping spot". However, it was not as safe as we had expected . . . the tickets were not there!

We became frantic and we began searching the house from top to bottom. And we do not live in what one may call a small house . . . there were many places these tickets could be . . . and not be. Dad said that he had cleaned out our 'safe keeping spot' and a fair bit of things were thrown out . . .
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
*sick feeling in stomach*

The search continued for quite some time, we were beginning to run out of places to inspect.


Finally, in the final place we lsearched (funny how that works out, eh), in a rather common location for missing articles, it was found!!!!
HURRAH!!!
My heart leapt with relief, and the tears that were beginning to form fell for joy instead of anguish.

The concert is still on and my tickets are in a real safe spot this time.

1 day 18 hours 59 minutes 7 seconds

Officers of the Law prove to be incompetent (surprised?)

Not very often can one glance out their side window to see a black bear climbing their tree!
But this was some of the excitement transpiring around my dwelling place this evening.
My sister, for the first time in her entire existence, called 9-1-1! She reported the wild bear in our tree and within minutes two officers of the law arrived with their new Dodge Charger (something that has caused much controversy among some of the more vocal members of this town). They had a gun and explained to my aunts and uncle that they were required to shoot it if it didn't flee to the bush. And so they proceeded to try and frighten the bear from its perch in our tree. First they tried the sirens and lights- the bear swatted the air. Next they took our hose and sprayed him, hoping it would be enough to lure him out of the tree- the bear received the cold water with wide open arms (literally!).
Finally the bear climbed down the tree, but the ferocious bark of my dog startled him back up. Not for long however, for when he got a look at my dog he realized his bark was worse then his bite. And he was off down the tree again. He headed towards the neighbours yard, the whole time leaving a trail of urine behind, just incase his body scent wasn't enough to drive the dog crazy!
We tried to follow, but the cop did not take too kindly to the bear supporters. (and there goes the old cop with his gun through my yard. And for those who don't know me too well- I'm not a huge supporter of guns, espousals ones that are being pointed at animals! [at least most humans deserve to be shot!])


And so a few hours later we (my family and I) were seated on the porch outside when we heard a shot . . . then another and then another.
Poor Mr. Cuddly (not his official name- it just sprouted from my deep desire so hug him- they truly do resemble over grown teddy bears) he would of made such an amazing pet. If I were Hermione Granger I would use her magical hour glass time traveler to go back in time and safe his life!

~if only I were a wizard (then i could hook up with Malfoy!)~

One Week Left

A quick hello to the world of bloggers!

My summer is continuing down the path of success and enjoyment.
The number of times I have unwilling gone swimming has long past broke any record of previous years. I have begun to wear strictly darker shirts just in case . . .

So as for scary and absurd news: last week I was named camp nurse! It was only for the first two days, but it was still frightening for me, as well as my mother who was told by a permanent staff member half way through the week. But it turns out the only requirements to be a camp nurse is first aid and 18 years of age or older. And I meet both of those stipulations. And so, there I was, camp nurse, dealing with 'injured' children between the ages of seven to 11 and whiny staff members!
This coming week (my final week at camp *tear*) is all girls week . . . and so far there is no willing personal to take on the position as camp nurse (big surprise?) and so, once again I may be given the honour! Yippee!

So, tonight -in only a few hours actually- the 27 summer staff still remaining at camp, will be coming over for dinner! I'm excited! . . . I love my home and my family and my mummy's cooking, and for the camp staff, whom I have come to love as well, to get to share that with me, is exciting!

I will be returning home in just one week . . . i'm not too thrilled about that. I am going to miss these people who have all become like family to me . . . it is a pity that just as we are all getting so close and now we must leave each other.

Must be off they are here!

a quick message

Hey for anyone who has been trying to email me at camp with the address I sent out before, it doesn't work!
If you want to email the other one it is office@campofthewoods.on.ca. Put my name as the subject box!
Miss you all!

A Mind in Far Off Places

11 extra people in my home is a lot. It is nearly two times as many as normal- unless you count what the normal has been the past 8 months while I was away at school, than it would be more than two times the usual number. But in over 30 degree weather, it is definitely not your most prominent desire.

On top of the weather issue there are extreme amounts of mosquitoes infringing upon our canasta games and cake eating! The nerve of them! Thankfully my uncle and father are skilled in the art of insect elimination! Though we are certain that they did not all enter our home through the momentarily opened doors- they must have discovered an alternative route! Not only were the numbers severe, but they were constant!


In two months and 12 days I will no longer be the girl who has never attended a concert! Instead I will be the girl who, in the past two months had attended two concerts!!!!!
Yippee!


Conversations about proposing and life as a married person really makes you reflect, both on your present situation and future ones. I have a friend, only a year older then me, who will be getting married in less then two weeks! At this news my own thoughts wander to the possibility of that being me, and I speculate on whether I am mature enough to be in the same circumstances . . . A big "NO" sign seems to flash in my mind. Not a surprise I suppose.


And for all those other toothbrush lovers out there- have you ever tried the toothbrushes with the rubber Brussels!? If not I HIGHLY recommend them. They bring a whole new meaning to "squeaky clean"!


-contemplating life after teenage-hood and cringing-

Quick trip home

So, for the past week I have been working out at a kids camp. It's been busy, crazy and exhausting! However all that is happens and the people you meet is worth it all!
Yesterday- Canada Day- we decided to head to town for the fireworks . . . yippee. I hadn't seen them in the past 3 years at least. Most of my fellow staffers decided to dress up for the occasion, and although the majority of them are American, they were quite enthusiastic about our trip to town. More then likely the exciting part was not the small-town fireworks but instead the chance to be a part of civilization again, even if it was only for a few hours.
Upon seeing everyone after getting changed for this adventure, Santana, Grant and I discovered that we were all matching, which made us triplets (or for those of us who do not know the difference- all 3 twins!) We sure look alike- eh!

Anyways, I have to return to the middle of nowhere soon! And I have no real complaints about it, though I sometimes wish that I had access to at least some form of communication other then snail mail. Meh, that's part of having such an important job- there are sometimes some insignificant parts of life that you need to surrender for the time being.

I hope everyone's summer is going fantastically!


-the sun shines brightest on those who allow it-

P.S. I'm 19 tomorrow!!!! (from then till forever!)

Burning for You

So much power- able to control the lives of so many, yet it began merely as an insignificant thought in the back on ones mind. It blows my mind at how quickly it can grow to be the most influential part of ones life- it's indescribable potential to warm everything in its path. The intensity grows rapidly as the distance between declines, its true capacity begins to reveal it self. The magnitude reaches an undetectable high, and you discover that the closer you are the more it could hurt when it is ultimately liberated.

Is it all worth the risk?
Depends who you ask I suppose . . .


*funny- from what I've been told, fire and love sound remarkably similar*

My Purple Plate

On Friday I departed on an unknown journey- a journey into the deep wild where the bears and the fish play! (oh boy, I started singing "Home home on the range, where the dear and the antelope play") Our guide was a friend of mine, who claimed camping was just what we all needed. So a few of us (her and I not included) booked off work, packed food and gear and voyaged through back roads to where a camper was set up waiting for us.

However it took us longer to reach or final destination then planned due to a few troubles with meeting time and the canoe which was not so expertly tied atop the truck.
(see the puzzled boys below)



While that vehicle worked away at the canoe dilemma, my vehicle worked away at a tasty treat! And not only did we get to suck away at blue suckers, but we were also able to listen to a larger variety of expertly chosen music. (we were blessed to have the iPod Queen with us!)

Upon arriving at the previously chosen site, with only minor difficulties, we (being the girls, seeing as the boys had found other ways to occupy themselves) proceeded to set up the tent. Seeing as I was dubbed the photographer I was not involved with the erection of the tent, though the process would have gone much more smoothly if I had stepped in . . .

















(and here you see what the boys found to be more gratifying then aiding us with our assembly) There plan was to dig a tunnel right to the door of the tent.















But don't worry- I showed them who was boss!













It was going well though . . . Of course there ended up being some more adventures, including food mishaps

Though what to you expect when you appoint me to bring a meal . . . There is nothing wrong with alphagetti!

All in all, it was a success. I learned that you don't always need to be paying attention in order to catch a fish, wrenches ARE helpful- no matter what others may say, and you need power in order to turn on the lights . . .









*And don't forget to . . . quit while you are ahead*

How Reliable Are These?

You Are Storm

Exotic and powerful, Storm descended from a line of African priestesses. Emotions can effect your powers, but you are generally serene. Powers: controlling weather, creating winds that lift you into flight, generating lightning

Which of the X-Men Are You?

Your Brain is 53% Female, 47% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Never Ending

A full days work- always up to something with no time for a break- yet at the end of the day it appears and feels as if nothing had been accomplished! Now I know that it feels like to be my mother. Before when I came home from school (in past years, not this one) I'd wonder what she had done all day, cause everything seemed to be just as we'd left it.
But you see, that's the problem, kids just 'leave' so much, that it is impossible for someone to keep up with it all. After nearly a week of being a stay-at-home-single-mom for my 3 younger siblings, I've discovered just how impudent children (no matter their age) can be!

Upon departing for school in the mornings they leave their dirty dishes from breakfast and their lunch from the day before on the counter! Once at school they realize they'd neglected to bring important books to school- they phone and expect you to drop all you are doing and abandon all your plans for the day in order to accommodate them immediately!
When they arrive home they head straight to the TV or computer and proceed to sit there until dinner is served. With not even a simple offer of assistance!

Kids these days expect far to much from others. The mere thought of them doing anything for themselves it heinous, for "working hard at school all day- they deserve a break"
There are, however, parts of the day I've come to thoroughly enjoy. One of those being my walks with the dog, twice a day for at least an hour! It keeps me in shape (though due to a recent plummet down the stairs those walks may be limited for the next few days)! My other favourite time of is shower time! Not only is it peaceful and I am completely on my own, but from in the shower I can not see all that still must be accomplished! (However that does not stop these thoughts from flooding my mind)

*thoughts of incessant tasks to be done shower down upon me, like the water from the faucet*

How Bad Do I Want It?

I could dress like a slut too- walk around flaunting myself for all to see . . . But what would be achieved in doing that? I'd gain new 'friends' and 'popularity', but for what? All for claiming to be someone I'm not? Not only would it be a pointless act, but it would be degrading, and an endeavour I do not wish to partake in.

-enjoying life does not always mean being in the spotlight-

Short and Sweet

The weather calls for rain
I bubble with great anticipation
Oh the unexplainable exuberance that comes from the simple elements of life
The refreshing sensation of rain rolling across my face sends shivers through my body
The invigorating joy received through the touch of rain casts flashes of the past through my mind
All the times of genuine contentment, yet which lasted for mere moments, dance in my mind never to be forgotten

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

People are potentially sweet for short times
There are few who become sweeter with time
Trust not what these sugared people say
For you will believe them long enough for them to drive you crazy
And turn all you ever were, and all that ever charmed you- against you
It's inevitable
A way to life
All that was once sweet has been left marinating in others desires
Your passed pleasures become spoiled
Never again to brighten your day

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

The rain, the stars and chocolate
will they one day lack all meaning to me . . .

*hidden from the world, in hopes of surviving another day with my heart intact*

One pass! And one fail?

Today was the day in which I was tested on my driving skills.
A very friendly lady (Teri-Lynn) was my examiner. Once I had completed the test, and past, she informed me that I had 'above average observation' skills and I was to tutor my sister (who had, earlier in the day, taken her G2 test) on these expertise capabilities. And for all those who make foolish propositions that I am an inadequate driver, Terri-Lynn informed me that I am a sensational driver! So HA HA to all those skeptics out there :)

In other news, while my driving test was a success, my other test may not have been.
It all began with the sore throat I awoke with on Wednesday morning. My mom and I thought nothing of it, we often woke up with sore throats in hotels, due to the dry atmosphere. However, the sore throat persisted through the rest of the day and on to the next (which was today). When I told my mother about it, she suggested I tell my father (who just happens to be a physician). He 'did the doctor thing' and checked my throat, and determined I had an 'enlarged thyroid' and needed blood tests?!
I had never given blood before- I had once attempted to donate blood, that is a different story for another time. So this adventure was not one I looked forward to. However, it was one that must be done.

And so I began my trek to the clinic. Actually, my mom drove me- I was too weak to walk to the clinic, even though it was situated around the corner and I am able to see it from the house.

Because it was my first time having to get a blood test, I was given a room to myself and a bed to lie on! I was extremely nervous, but the blood sucker (nurse) was very kind and gentle. And all my thoughts and fears that had flooded my mind from horror stories I had been told in the past, were in vain!

The results should be ready in about a week, and at that point I will have to go visit the doctor who, other then at social events, I haven't seen in about 13 years. It'll be extremely awkward and unpleasant- but must be done (or so I've been told)

-the joys of life often don't last long-

Near Death Experience?

Home at last, though at one point I thought it would never come, and that thought did not come to me while we ran through the Toronto airport in search of our gate (in reality employs should know the way around the airport so as they do not point their customers in the complete wrong direction!)
At times I've had doubts about many peoples constant complaints about transport trucks and their drivers. I had never run into any extreme difficulties concerning them. Until today that is.

We were turning a corner, driving . . . Fast enough, and a transport came at us, on our side of the road! He was not passing anyone or anything. In fact, there were no other vehicles in sight! I did what any logical girl would do, I screamed! Course, that did not change the situation for the space between the transport and I was closing quickly, and there seemed to be little prospect of the transports route changing. So, I used the next best logic I could conjure up in my desperate state- brake and turn on to the shoulder! Thankfully we did not collide (which I'm sure everyone has discovered due to my writing this right now) but my heart was racing and I was in near shock. I would no longer be the one to defend their dignity . . .
Which is a pity, cause I had recently made allies with a transport I had been traveling with.

I have now arrived home, I have completed a few errands and now prepare the house for visitors tomorrow. I have also discovered that I have misplaced some important addresses.
Sorry Meg- they may be a few days late

-the joys of a mother's hectic life -

Continual Twists and Turns in our Path

What is a holiday without an adventure?

First of all it is relaxing and second of all it is nonexistent in my families vacation files.

This holiday surpasses a number of the past 'adventure' we were able to experience. For the past 3-ish days my dad has been in and out of the hospital until he (finally) had surgery this afternoon.
The reason for this is most likely due to a torn retina or something along these lines. The cause of this is unknown but, as far as the doctors are able to tell, have nothing to do with his other medical difficulties he has been presented with these past few months. Thank God!

However, many of our travels and future plans have been put on hold. After his surgery he is not supposed to fly for at least 1 month. So, there goes mom and dads cruise they had planned on taking to celebrate their 25th anniversary (which will take place on 06/6/06 [so all these sudden difficulties should not of been a big surprise, jk]). As for the possibilities in which mom and dad are able to take in order to return home- they are limited.
Until he is released from the hospital and an alternative route to flying can be planned, I will be playing mom to my 3 younger siblings- Hurray! Though i feel this is a position I have been covering since the age of 7.

-could I set a record for the youngest mother ever? or how bout most immature?!-

Lunch with a Private

Today I had the opportunity to see a friend I hadn't seen since grad in June. It brought back a number of memories from highschool days. It's hard to believe that those days were only one year ago (well, for the majority of us). He had a number of stories and new experiences to share. Who thought the Canadian Army could be so interesting . . .

I was very upset with the poor playing of the Calgary Flames this evening. They let down their thousands of fans at the rink as well as everyone in the comfort of their own homes. It seems rather pathetic that a team with then name Flames were beaten to a pulp by the Ducks.
As disappointed as I am, I am completely unable to be agitated by this loss. The Duck's, though I won't ever admit this to a particular person, have a place in my heart, not necessarily because of what they have accomplished as a team, but because of my childhood craze with "the Mighty Ducks" and Joshua Jackson. Who would not have a soft spot for the Ducks if they've ever seen those movies.

Though Calgary lost- the Jays won! . . . so it was not a completely shameful night for Canada.

-Love is when you don't want to go to sleep because reality is better then any dream-

Tanning Put on Hold

You’d think with two sisters at home, baby-sitting would not be something i’d get stuck with. don’t get me wrong, i truly do enjoy baby-sitting (when they are not kids from Hell) but it was not what i had planned on doing my fist saturday back in town.
However, as one sister was out of town for a volleyball tournament and the other sick i was their third and final option. so there i was, spending my Saturday evening with a 9 and 7 year old.
We decided to play on the trampoline. Two neighbour boys came over. They (notice how my opinion no longer matters) decided we would play tag-on the trampoline- me being it. So, they stood on the time out tree taking turns charging at me and trying not to get tagged. At one point in time i dove at them from across the trampoline. I took on a wild and uncontrollable rolling action. Unfortunately the trampoline was smaller than i recalled and the turbulent spinning hurled me over the edge and onto a small brick wall.
-OUCH-
I hit my elbow and my leg on the brick wall and a random lawn chair and I hurt my pride. Yet i got back up again. To show my pain in front of children is amiss. I remember as a child, to see a grownup wounded was unnerving. I'd hate to have caused such a frightening experience for them now as their senior.
So now, i suffer from a number of rather large and tender bruises and the memory of a stupid action in front youngsters.

It may be a while before i'm in a bathing suit again

-the joys of being uncoordinated, accident-prone and blonde (i get these superb qualities from my mother)-

Stars

Finally, after little sleep, less food and a substantial amount of sitting I have reached my final destination.
I was delighted to see that nearly my entire family was awake and anxiously awaiting my arrival. Though my brother had begged to be permitted to remain sleepless like the rest of the family, my mother objected. She knew his tendencies all too well, his lack of sleep would only add extra irritation to his actions, something no one wished to cope with the next day. Instead I was able to visit him well he sleptwalk later on that evening. The blank stare and unresponsiveness made our time together short, but extremely enjoyable. Sleep walkers can be exceptionally entertaining at times.

The atmosphere here is completely different than at school, which is not surprising. The 6 people present under this roof, with only a limited amount of visitors per day cannot compare to the ways of dorm. Though, as I sit here I wonder what are those voices that I can frequently hear in the back of my mind and then I realize: I can hear my thoughts! Such a foreign feeling, something I had nearly forgotten since my last time home. Those things which, while in dorm often kept me from this experiment now haunt my mind though. Not with feelings of loathing, but with a longing heart. No more
- constant laughter echoing from the rooms down the hall
- random calling from surrounding rooms
- knocking at the window
- blood curdling alarms from the absent minded girls
- singing from my only neighbour
- persistent humming of showers or toilets being flushed
- sirens and horns from the streets outside

It is almost erie!

Though there is a definite improvement here which is one I have been looking forward to for ages.

Stars

A dark sky shining with millions and billions of stars.
I wonder how I was ever able to survive with such a pathetic excuse for stars during my stay in the city.
I'm puzzled over how city folk are able to exist with such pitiful amounts of stars.
But perhaps, they know nothing better?! Could it be that they are unaware of the true appearance and magnificence of stars?
I think that it should be a requirement for all people to spend time away from the hustle and bustle of the city and to experience true beauty, silence and darkness.

-do you suppose they are equally ignorant of Northern Lights?-

Change Change Change

4 days till I leave for home.
In those 4 days I have to write 2 more exams, study for them, pack up the entire contents of my room, say goodbye to numerous people who have grown very dear to my hear in hopes that I will see them again, and clean my room.
There are half packed bags and boxes situated all around my room, it's depressing, but not nearly as haunting as the increase number of the empty rooms that I am surrounded with.

I hate good byes.

When interrogated about my summer plans, I have nothing to answer with. My plans are presently nothing more then ideas. I've been putting off planning for the summer in hopes that it would not come so quickly.
That plan did not work so well.

I am, however, excited to be going home to see my family and some old friends. Though, I've discovered lately that, missing someone who you have not seen for an extended amount of time is not nearly as painful as missing someone who you have grown accustomed to seeing everyday.
I suppose that after the summer it will be everyone from school who will be the ones who I will have been separated from for a prolonged amount of time and my family and home friends who haven taken their positions as the ones I'm used to seeing.

In any sense . . . I'm really going to miss this way of life, no rules or boundaries to worry about, and visitors constantly dropping by and aiding with my procrastination habits.

-I'm constantly reminded of how change is good, but if we never had to experience it, we'd never know that and we'd bee content with what we have-

and i never will be 20

You Are 19 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Past to Future

Home in dorm again after a refreshing and exuberant Easter long weekend in Lloydminster. How I wish we could return to Canada's 'Border City' and its simple yet pleasant way of life.
Memories flash through my mind of
- real food; how sweet, juicy and overly enjoyable
- hide and go seek in Walmart - first time ever getting evicted from the premises of a public place
- nearly 6 hours of story time (we read the end half of Harry Potter 5 aloud to each other!) We are not nerds . . . :)
- movies, movies, and movies (some more then once)
- kicking shoes into the tree- which most definitely had an affect of the other tree a few feet away which only days later came crashing to the ground (where we had been parked)!
- and just over all good times spent sitting, talking, playing games and making chocolate cake!

Now I sit here, alone in my half empty room. Boxes, both full and bare, surround my desk. My walls, which were once covered in pictures and quotes now appear naked and desolate.
There are however, a few quotes remaining which support my anti-love/anti-guy theme:

"There are easier things in life than finding a good man . . . Like nailing jello to a tree for instance"

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night the ice weasels come"

"Can't eat, Can't sleep, Get butterflies in your stomach- feels great! It's not love, it's someone other then your mom thinking you are cool"

"Some people are like slinkies . . . Not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when they fall down the stairs"

These quotes have been referred to a number of times throughout the year and used to cheer us up in times of sorrow or wrath towards the opposite sex.
I've collected a number to add to this collection next year:

"If you want me to fall for you, you've got to give me something worth tripping over"

"A heart is not a play thing, A heart is not a toy, But if you want it broken, Just give it to a boy. "

"Don't rush into falling in love, take your time, enjoy the pain!"


I wonder how all this will be for my future roommate, to be forced to see these everyday of her dorm life. She's been with the same guy for years and posts picture of him all over her room . . .Will we be divided just as are choices of decor will be?

-It's hard to pretend you love someone when you really don't,
but it's even more difficult to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do. -

A Response (finally, so sorry)

Ok Leah, here it is . . .

1. Yours is the only car I ever recognize in the parking lots! It's just so unique!
2. Breakaway - by Kelly Clarkson
3. Straightening hair . . . I can't believe you all trusted me with your hair! lol
4. Cowboy hunting + anti-boy club
5. When you came to Dryden ages ago on the summer crew team!!
6. A kitten
7. I dunno, just random questions that well lead to a stronger friendship and further understanding of each other!
8. "There are easier things in life than finding a good man- like nailing jello to a tree for instance" (it's posted on my wall, and I think its true . . . )
9. I think that you should not settle for anything less then perfect . . . God has a perfect plan for you and he will one day place an amazing guy in your life . . . and when you finally meet him, you're going to know why you waited for that perfect one!
10. Time to post!


Justin's turn . . .

1. Justin, last year we were in nearly every drama group together, which rocked cause you knew all the tricks to the lights and technology!
2. monty python and the holy grail
3. lol, oh boy, I remember drama class (not 149, the other one, was it 102?) and you sitting in the audience always yelling at the people who were trying to work the computer! You'd first tell them how it worked, but they never listened to you and you'd get so frustrated!
4. Costco is the quintessential family hangout place!
5. First memory . . . The boy that kept following me around in my drama groups :P
6. A pony
7. Does it bug you that you are attending school the same place as your sister and where both your parents are employed?
8. "If you were meant to fly, God would have given you wings"
9. I think that you are an excellent techy, especially with the lights!
10. This is your part - post!


Last but not least, Miss Alyson . . .

1. You know, you have a very original spelling of your name, I like it, it most definitely fits your personality!
2."Praise You with the Dance" -Casting Crowns
3. Drama class . . . so many good times, that's where I met you, well, got to know you more and I'll always remember those times. (especially the massage circle!)
4. I'm living vicariously through you!
5. In drama class when Krysta and I were asking you questions about a certain boy and whether or not he was available (for a friend, not for either of us) . . .lol
6. Kangaroo - always happy and jumping!
7. I would've just like to get to know you better before you leave . . . But we have little time now . . .Keep in touch!
8. 'Friends are like bras, They're close to your heart and there for support.'
9. I think you are one the most optimistic people I know, you are always happy, always smiling and friendly to everyone. You are very encouraging and I'm going to miss you tons next year . . .
10. Post time . . .

My Name, Your Name

As was previously agreed, I must post this on my blog . . .
it all began with Jenn's blog which read:

so join in my adventure.....give me your name and I will:

1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll tell you my favorite memory with you.
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) I'll give you a quote that reminds me of you.
9) I'll tell you something that I think about you.
10) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.


So, I followed the instructions, and posted my name and Jenn responded with this:

Lauren

1. snow is white. you make snow angels in white snow, not yellow snow, and not hot pink snow.
2. IÂ?m thinking complicated, by avril
3. well, I think when I figured out it was you at the pirates and nijas party. I had no idea.
4. I donÂ?t want to go to choir, IÂ?m going to be late.
5. I met you with the other Ontario folk. IÂ?m sorry youÂ?re from Ontario. west coast rules!!!
6. a white parrot.
7. ummm, I would like to have a conversation with you about boys.
8. itÂ?s on the tip tongueoungue..something about the cafeteria.
9. I think you can do great things.
10. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.

And I will now continue on with this . . . if you post your name, i will post similar memories and thoughts I have of you . . .
Dun, Dun, Dun