Slowly Going Crazy

After over a month apart, we will be reunited. Then for our adventure! You, me, my family, and my home town. All my favourite- crazy things -all wrapped into one. But the time is going so slow! I know it's less then a week away, but last week felt like a month. So what are these next 4 days going to feel like? And of course, once we're together, time will move at warp speed, and our 2 weeks together will be over in a blink.
It's just not fair.

COUNTDOWN CLOCKS

Good Advice

Robert Pattinson Quote : "If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads."

So This Is Love

When I saw this picture I recalled this song my sister use to sing. I wonder if anyone ever warned them of the consequences? I hope not... paranoia can keep you from experiencing so much joy. 

The cutest boy, I ever saw, was sipping soda from a straw. The cutest boy I ever saw, was sipping soda from a straw.

I asked him if he'd teach me how, to sip my soda, from a straw. I asked him if he'd teach me how, to sip my soda from a straw.

So cheek to cheek, and nose to nose, we sipped our soda from a straw. So cheek to cheek and nose to nose, we sipped our soda from a straw. 

Then suddenly, the straw did slip, we sipped our soda lip to lip. Then suddenly the straw did slip- we sipped our soda lip to lip.

That's how I got my mother in law, and 15 kids to call my 'ma'. That's how I got my mother in law, and 15 kids to call me 'ma'.

The moral of this little tail, is sip your soda from a pail. The moral of this little tail, is sip your soda from a pail.

~ewwww cooties!~

Lesson 1

It happened yesterday. It was the very end of the day- thankfully. It had been a long, though rather unproductive day of sitting in the gymnasium doing dress rehearsals of our Christmas Concert. My kids were surprisingly patient, but it wore on them, especially by the end.
The bell had just rung, and I dismissed the class. Suddenly, Abbott, one of my grade 3 boys, with the tough exterior and often "too cool for school" attitude, burst in to tears.
Thankfully most of the class had already left the classroom. I made my way over to Abbott,his head was down, wrapped in his arms. Having no idea what this was about I cautiously put my hand on his shoulder and asked him what was the matter.
Barely lifting his head, he bitterly declared, "Taban is calling me names, and making fun of me."
Taban, who was one of my other grade 3 boys, and also still in the room retorted, "No, I wasn't!"
Wanting to resolve this quickly I asked Abbott, "what exactly did he say to you to make fun of you?"
Abbott spat in disgust, "he said I was in love with you!"

I bit my tongue quickly to keep from laughing. How horrible he made it sound- to be in love with me! Or at least the thought of being in love with me!


I know that they are just children, and the very idea of love is still absolutely repellent... but perhaps this feeling isn't wholly foreign to people my age too. Not the feeling of fondness towards someone, but that weak feeling you get... when you feel lost, or forgotten when you're not with that person.
Men pride themselves in strength- physical as well as emotional. Love defies these "rules" and so when it happens, they are filled with confusion... and ultimately aversion.
If they don't admit it, they didn't commit it, and so pain and frailty can never happen.

~how I sleep at night~

twisted

the world may always be opposed

with pretended morals, and blurred lines.
rough, seasoned hands
compel the soft and innocent.
their cry of fear taken for pleasure
in time becoming indifference.

with hands tied down
and threats thoroughly set
the choice is no longer yours.
take me now, you hear.

pushed up against the wall
bound and teased
no say in the matter
this is pleasure


~this is skewed and misleading~

In My Mind's Eye

Have you seen the movie In Time? It has a powerful message mixed within the violence and action. But ultimately, it is about a time when time is currency, and when you run out of time, you die. The rich all live in their own area with millions of years to spare, while the poor are living by the hour, working- literally- to stay alive. 
~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~    

The other night, I had a dream with a similar story line. Time was our currency, but instead of  dying when we run out of time, we are hunted for sport. Adds another element of entertainment I suppose. Mason was in my dream, and he was complaining about Time as currency- I told him that he wasn't allowed to complain, because when we watched the movie he said he liked it. 

In my dream, a friend and I were struggling. We were down to minutes and we had nothing else valuable to sell to get us more time. Somehow we ended up in some kind of a brothel. These men came in after us, and right away they hired us. 

The man who chose me, I quickly learned, had prosthetic arms. He started taking himself a part, and I was doing all I could to not be completely disgusted with what I was about to do. As I was sitting there waiting, I heard noises indicating other transactions were not being delayed as mine was. I wished to just get this over and done with so I could escape from this current hell.

Right as it was about to start, a man rushed in (who was not Mason, but whom apparently I was in a relationship with). He declared he loved me, and then proposed to me- not with a diamond, but with a huge bank of time!

I soon learned that the man with the prosthesis was in fact completely artificial! He was a robot my fiance had created to watch and protect me. 

How romantic...?

I also learned that the time given to me by my fiance was stollen from his brother, and his brother was now after us.  More action and entertainment followed as we were being chased by an angry, bitter man with hunters after him. 

My future brother in law died having jumped into a ravine following us. We were both quite devastated, but apparently he was a corrupt man, and he had what was coming to him.

~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~   
Talk about a strange dream. What exactly was my mind trying to tell me in all this? Or am I silly to be searching for a message in this?


~it was more the anticipation~

AHH

I know I already posted today, but I've fallen in love, and I couldn't wait a moment to share it!!
I don't know if you've heard of Andrew Allen before. If you have- you suck for not sharing him with me! If you haven't- today's your lucky day!!
His lyrics, and voice. His energy, and genuineness. It's like he truly means what he's singing. Of course it doesn't hurt that he's cute, and has amazingly intense eyes. And that stubble really works for him.

Check out his stuff.

And because the Christmas season is nearly here (3 weeks today is Christmas eve- one of my favourite days of the year!) here you can here the song that got my sister and I stated on him last year- though very slowly I am sad to say.

~say it to me~

As of Late

Sizzling, spiced, and decadent.
A taste that can be satisfied daily. Let the amount increase exponentially.
My mouth waters, and my hands shake. Anticipation. Like an airplane coming in for a landing, the hanger door wide open, yearning to be filled.
Let all other activities be forgotten, and only this take our time.
But together.
Alone it lacks meaning. Without heart, passion. Instead I remain aching for that which I am unmotivated to achieve.
Left alone in these cravings is wretched and cruel.
I call to you, my body, heart, and stomach.
Listen.

~already won~

boys vs girls

~we don't mean to miscommunicate~

Jolly Old Saint Nicholas, Lean Your Ear This Way

I like to give my kids the opportunity to share with the rest of the class about their weekends. Most of the times it's 13 kids telling me they watched a movie, or two... (I thought that Mennonites didn't like technology?).

Today I was telling them that I went to the city and did some Christmas shopping. I told them that I had a present for everyone except my sister. Suddenly the kids were sharing all sorts of ideas with me:
- a barbie: but put it in a box so she won't know what it is
- a jack-in-the box that will pop out and scare her!
- a ballerina from prison (?) [Kayson's idea, he was completely serious]
- a horse (which ended up becoming a horse with chicken pox, because for some reason my kids are currently obsessed with chicken pox)

They were all so willing and excited to give me ideas, I didn't have the heart to tell them that she was 20 years old. But maybe she would like a jack-in-the-box?!

~the child in me~

A Warm Snowy Night Would Be a Start

Have you ever played "Never have I ever"?
There are a few versions of it... there's the drinking-game version (though these days there seems to be a drinking game version of everything), and the get-to-know-you version, and the fruit-basket-version.
I was always bad at it because I never realized I'd never done something till someone else made note of it. It's not that I'm completely sheltered, or am afraid to try something new... I just appreciate my comfort zone.
There is one thing, however which I 1. Know I haven't done, and 2. Know I want to do.

What about you?

~the white shirt's a must~

Don't Turn Around

The state in which we currently reside might suggest stagnant waters. You may fear that our direction has faltered and now resides as a neglected thought in the dark corners of our minds. With all else engaging our time, we are left to our own devices, surviving on minimal time, and leftover weekends.
Such is not the case, however. With February quickly approaching, our minds remain interested in the current affairs. We see time as a growing crop, ever nearing the moment for action.
And with harvest in mind, we put on the appropriate wear and take our step. A big step. A monumental step. Together- hand in hand... and my step ever so slightly ahead.

~not entirely alone, for long~

Maybe I should Go Red?

Maybe a little scandalous. But everyone has ideas, fantasies, and weaknesses. Perhaps when you see this you are jealous or attracted (whether you will admit to it or not). There is nothing abnormal about that. We all have desires... some of us just have more control than others- or maybe they just want more control. 

Personally... the less control I have the better ;)

~it's all relative~

Back in action

So I teach a class of 13 kids, ranging from kindergarten to grade 3. I have only one kindergarten student who comes on alternate days. This student, whom I'll call Kayson, is a cheery student, who is loved by all, and is a joy to have in the class, despite his lack of knowledge regarding proper school behaviour.
I wish all kids were like him.


One day, to have him practice his numbers, I was having him role a dice, figure out what number it was, then bead that many beads onto pipe cleaners. He was loving it! After he started to really get the hang of it, I had him leave the group from the role before, and than add the two amounts together.
(and this right here is why I wish they were all more like him)
Kayson declared enthusiastically "what a fantastic idea!"

His genuine interest and zeal was a surprise- a refreshing surprise! Most of my other students are at the stage where they can't admit they are enjoying school or learning. And showing avidity towards any of my academic suggestions would be social suicide!

The most refreshing part about Kayson's enthusiasm, is that it didn't fade. As I continued to make suggestions, his fascination and curiosity persisted!
Who knew learning could be so fun!



And this is only one of the reasons why I love this kid!

~a life worth living~

Too Far Too Long

I haven't had internet for over a month... Now here it is. Yet it does not fulfil, only a further reminder of what I do not have.
I'm also missing 7th Heaven... when I had it to watch, it almost felt like I had a family to come home too- almost.

I'm pathetic. And lonely. And wishing I were in your arms.

~wrapped up tight~

Still Nothing

I am still without the technology that enables me to communicate with the rest of the world... It does not help with the isolation that is Bow Island. 

Sometimes I feel that I live in that town from Footloose... 

Got an email today that made me think, so I thought I'd share it with you.

God doesn't give you the people you want; He gives you the people you NEED... to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you- to make you into the person you are today, and ultimately the person you are meant to be

~a reason~

Lacking pizzazz, or even just a smile

I am currently without internet and tv at my house.
Is it sad that this upsets me terribly? Have I become far to dependent on technology to entertain me and make me happy? What happened to music while cleaning, or a good book on the couch?

Oh right... my books have yet to arrive in the Dried Bean Capitol of the West. Plus I am sick of my music and have no way of purchasing more...
It might help if I had friends, or at least companions with a 1 or even 2 hour radius. But here I remain alone, with no friends- real or fake.

I don't want to say my life sucks because it could be worse. However... I'm not feeling too excited about it right now.


~just don't take my phone~

But what if...

~gah! I lack reason~

prov 3 5 6

Under a microscope nothing is perfect
Blemish and defect are inevitable
nothing is as it originally seems

Plans and purpose fall to the way side
as our tracks silently change course
unbeknownst to the distracted crew

Our plates are beyond our official 'full'
With work, and life, and new voices
at what point do we overcome all this "new"?

~lean not on your own understanding~

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

a few random lines i've scribbled in an attempt to describe my current plight.

you said no matter the distance,
we'd hold tight and make it through.
but the path of least resistance
doesn't always seem to lead to you.

~

Tears that once did not exist, come rolling down my cheeks.
So many strong and new emotions have over powered me.
I wish you did not see me in this weak and sappy state
but when it comes to you all control is washed away.

~

I want to yell and scream and beg
for you to let me be
And forget you ever saw me in this
tearful awful mess

~of someone else?~

From Thought to Tree in 0.3

I have an overactive imagination. Plant the smallest notion of an idea in my mind through either word or deed, and within moments you could have a fully developed outcome. A future with a house, car, white picket fence and family of 5.

The majority of the time however, my train of thought is ridiculous and completely unrealistic. For some reason, unlike the movies, the end result of a chance meeting, or locked eyes cannot be realized fifteen minutes into it. Love, wealth and happiness are not an everyday occurrence, in fact, there is not even a guarantee of a happy ending.

My imagination however, is ignorant of this. Of reality. Though I have never been put under a spell to be awoken only by true love's kiss, or had a fairy godmother dress me in sparkles and send me off in a pumpkin carriage. That which I want, think, dream, and imagine is rarely that which occurs.
Life seems to differ somewhat from my dreams...


~your longterm thinking can be so... short term~

Stalled

My life has taken a new turn, a fast turn. The world around me is spinning and I'm excited to gain some control and see where it has taken me. It's a time in my life when change, and onward steps are vital and thrilling- and occasionally scary as hell. But this is the time for them. 

Young, strong, and enthusiastic, nothing knocks you down for long. Movement stimulates you and lulls  are unsettling. I can't help but wonder why, when the rest of my world is in constant flux leading me towards my new future- my new life- this refuses to progress. Is there something going on behind the scenes suggesting that this is only temporary and not durable enough to last into my slowly shaping future? Is it a warning sign?

I tend to lack patience when it comes to knowing what the future holds, if I have a worry or fear, waiting for the worst to come is the last thing I want to do. Just release the anchor, and let me spin. If loss is inevitable, why put it off.

~waiting on your words~

She's Back

A few months ago I mention a girl I am calling Kenadie, who was interested in Mason. I told Mason at the time that I was not comfortable with them talking- not that I don't trust him, it's her. Despite the fact that he was in a committed relationship, she continued to pursue him. Ummm excuse me bitch!

So now, here we are months later and things are going wonderfully and she has ceased to make an appearance in our day-to-day lives. Until last night.
Mason was going out with some friends, one of whom is friends with Kenadie, and so Kenadie was part of the group. Mason tells me this morning, that she was hitting on him all night.
Well, needless to say that rubbed me the wrong way!
Girl- he's cut off communication with you, he's still got a girlfriend, and he is showing you no interested. Get the hint and MOVE ON.

Mason seems to think I'm making a bigger deal of this than I should. That he's with me, is perfectly content, and there is nothing Kenadie, or any other girl can do to change that. I try to forget about it... but obviously, based on this post hours later... it continues to linger.
I am confused on what to do about it. I don't want him to feel that I don't trust him- cause I do. But I can't seem to explain to him in a way that he understands why this girl bugs me so much. Nor, does it seem that I can forget it.

~haunted by past transgressions~

All I Need

Step 1, receive my rather delayed letter from Hogwarts. (Errol must be delivering it)

 Step 2, get to London so I can use my ticket to ride on the train to Hogwarts.

Step 3, get a life.

So I've Been Told

little secret

...he is unaware, but on a daily basis he brings tears of joys to my eyes. If he knew he'd tease me- apparently I cry far too easily. But he's the first boy to make me happy-cry.

...i want to tell the world about him while simultaneously hide him away so no one tries to steal him. If he knew he'd tell me I was being ridiculous- no one could steal him away.

...he can drive me crazy and inspire me in the same breath. If he knew, he'd claim I was just humouring him. 

...somehow he always seems to know what to say, he reads me better than I understand myself. If he knew, he'd say girls are complicated, but my silence says it all.

...i miss him every day. He knows, but I don't remind him- it just makes it worse.

... if he knew my secret, he'd smile and shake his head and say slow down girl, and enjoy the ride

I wonder if he'll ever know. I wonder what our future holds. I wonder what he'll say...

~how slow do you want to go~

Children Are Quick

whether these are all true or not, I don't care. They still make me smile, and excited for the stories I'll be telling about my students!

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

_              _____________________________ 

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it  is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS:Maria.
____________________________________  
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. 
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. 
 __________________________    ________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
 ____________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a  lot closer to the ground than you are. 
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I  is...
TEACHER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'   
______________       __________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had  the axe in his hand.....    
______________________________________ 
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. 
_              _____________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..    Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.    
______________________    _____________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher 

Bye Bye Baby

I wouldn't believe them- how could it be!
Sixteen and pregnant, hiding the truth from the world, and from him. He who would've stood strong with me.
Sent off and discarded, as if a worthless object to me. How could I ever be in that mind set?
And now forgotten, a case inconceivable to the victim. An experience concealed by shock and fear. A scar on a family.
Was this my history, I almost believed...

And then I awoke. Sad, scared, and confused. From where did this idea come? How were they nearly able to convince me of such an offence, even for a moment in my waking state?


~the power of dreams~

Moments Away

Down the prairie road I tread. Whence I left remains in clear sight, though time indicates I aught to be long gone. I peer ahead and see my journey's end. Is the distance I have set off to travel as brief as it appears?

No, the prairie road misleads. This long straight path passes fields of wheat and corn and hemp and beets. It is no easy journey. I can look back and see the times I strayed into the fields; overcome with curiosity I abandoned my set destination for a time. The path was not easy, however. Having been swarmed with bugs and scratched by the uncultivated crop, I slowly returned to the appointed path.

And now, minutes away from that which I set off to reach, I fear. I fear that I am not prepared. The long prairie road was not long enough...
But I'm here, with no time to spare.


~prairie road trained~

Please Read My Mind

Before an important conversation, or an event where I have to share my thoughts or opinions I rehearse it in my mind for days on end. This happens for days until I think I am comfortable and I know exactly what it is that that I wish to say. 

Then that fateful time arrives, it is time to share. My heart beats fast, my mind goes blank, palms go sweaty and any voice that remains shakes uncontrollably (often you can throw in some tears for good measure). 

How will I ever be able to convince someone that

 what I say is true, if I myself cannot even vocalize it?

~something worth saying must be said~

139 Years Later...

~... what's wrong with barber shops?~

Ideas and Thinking- oh no!

http://weheartit.com

By the power invested in me by my father's title, I have thus diagnosed myself. I, Lauren, a self proclaimed reader, are suffering from ideas of grandeur. Visions of my own place, responsibility, and a real job have misguided me. In actual fact, I'm still a child! 

I am ignorant and naive of the real world. Realities like taxes, RRSPs, health benefits are mere terms to me. What is their purpose? How do I apply them? 

My understanding of the world is limited to small towns and a student's life. I had not yet cut ties with my bonds, the comfort of knowing I'm loved and cared for no matter what was my rock, the foundation on which I tread. And while I know that love changes not at this time, the attachment has been stretched to nearly unrecognizable lengths. 

Pop culture has romanticized growing up, life, and moving out. As per usual, however, country music has it right :

so here I am in my new apartment

In a big city, they just dropped me off

It's so much colder than I thought it would be

So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up

I wish I'd never grown up

Thank you Taylor for once again writing to and for me.

~sitting alone in the dark~

Of Two Minds

palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy...
[she]'s nervous, but on the surface [she] looks calm and ready...
the clock's run out, time is up...

The New Way Back

I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

  

I want to shout it out

From every rooftop sing

Let you and the world know

I want to be a 'we'

It's time to take my hand

and open our eyes to the world

there's no need to be apart

when we can be together

So brush of the world's stigma

We are bigger than that

Strength and commitment can win

Without it the world is lost

~keep dreaming princess~

To the Dried Bean Capital of the West

The world is in motion, just like me. This past week has been a whirl of changes triggered by required choices.  (I am So indecisive it's painful.)
With 2 interviews, and 2 job offers in less than a week, life suddenly seemed to be on fast forward. No time to stop and nit-pick through each scene in search of foreshadowing or signs. The conclusion was inevitable and imminent.

And now here I am, praying that it's where I'm suppose to be. Unfortunately if it is, it is over 5 hours away from some of the best friends a girl can have and her fantastic boyfriend; and over 13 hours away from her devoted family. However, I should be thankful... I could have been 8 and 25 hours away. It's all how you look at it.


~Perspective and attitude. Let those be my guide. ~

Over The Wall

I want to escape with you. Run off into the wild, overcome trials and celebrate success. You bring me to places I've never seen. With you I experience the incredible. You cause tears of joy and sadness. Because of you I yell, scream, laugh, and gasp.
You inspire change and reassure habits. I feel torn between wanting to share you with the world, and keep you to myself.
Every time is different, and everyone who experiences you is affected in a distinct way. Innocence is celebrate, and good conquers evil.
Bring me with you. Love me, pull me, challenge me, stretch me. Envelope me in a hug nothing can penetrate. The world disturbs and you preserve.




~library of worlds~

Steamy

Of course there's always the option of having your own library. This way you aren't given time restrictions; it's full of books that you are interested in and are worth your time; you can sit right down in front of the shelf and no one will step on you or complain.
Plus, you don't have to worry about being quiet.

Who needs Harlequin Romances in their library when they can have their own romance in their library.

~live a little~

Reading my Love story

Reading: only my most favourite past time. Books are my best friend, my comfort, and my escape. Curling up with a good book often beats a social event- but that sounds rather hermit-y of me. Perhaps I am just a nerd, but one of my favourite places is a book store- so many worlds, characters, and adventures calling to me! 

Of course bookstores are often very large and quiet, and I won't lie... Getting kissed up against characters like Elizabeth Bennet or Isolde has always been a fantasy of mine. While my love story will never compare, a girl can wish. And what are these stories for if not to experience ourselves! 

~force me into the books~

see here boy

~only our dreams have it right~

Talk About a Sick World

Yesterday we took a trip to the city. Our main purpose was to go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 but we also dropped my sister's boyfriend off at the airport. Unfortunately that's not all we saw.

Our first scaring experience of the trip was on the highway. I was lying in the back of the vehicle with my foot elevated and earphones on. I noticed we were slowing down, simultaneously the songs were switching and I heard my sister say "what is going on?"
This caught my attention and I looked up. There was a line of about 12 vehicles stopped in front of us. I casually glanced over the vehicles looking for nothing in particular. I found something very distinct, however. There, beside the car straight in front of us, was a woman crouching beside her vehicle with a man standing next to her. Not too sure what she was doing, we looked closer. We very soon regretted that, for this rather large lady was crouching, with her pants around her ankles, in order to relieve herself, leaving her corpulent, white ass pointing directly at us! Thankfully the man opened the back passenger door to attempt to hide her.
When she was done, she got back in the car and it drove away, leaving the previously mentioned man behind. This did not seem to bother the man as he went on walking from vehicle to vehicle... for what reason we know not.

Later that evening, with this painful experience still sharp in our minds, my sister and I began our return drive. On the outskirts of the city, on the divided highway, we noticed all the oncoming traffic had stopped. As we neared we saw that this delay was due to a immense flock of Canadian Geese crossing the road. Half of the Geese had already crossed and the other half were still in progress when a Jackass in a jacked-up truck left the road and drove on to the median. The pompous jerk paid no attention to propriety and nature drove around his fellow drivers and right into the crossing flock! One unfortunate bird got stuck on the underbelly of his ride and was dragged for several feet, at an unbearably fast speed, before it got free. It attempted to join his family but was unable to walk, and many of the birds came over to him.
The rest of the vehicles continued to wait.


Respect is a lost art. The world is under the perception that they are entitled to their own way with their own controls, and the rest of the world can "suck it".

~we witnessed two ugly asses in one day~

No More Expectations

My boyfriend texted  me the other day about his Friday night. As he's telling me he adds in I was a good boy too. Not sure exactly what he meant, I questioned his meaning, to which he responds Drunk blond kept trying to get me to kiss her... no dice


While I was grateful for his loyalty I questioned whether he truly thought that this was that big of a feat- is it not expected that a boy is loyal to his girlfriend, and vice-versa?
He commented that Is it really expected now-a-day. That kind of honesty is a bit of a dead art I think He went on to say It just seems everyone is more concerned on getting more notches on the belt than anything...
At first I was rather discussed with this... but then i realized how sad... and true this is.


Society today teaches us to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy, no matter that consequences!
It honestly sickens me, and makes me fear for the future... for when I have children- if it's this bad now, what will my kids be faced with in 20 years!

~Love thy neighbours as thyself~

Hey! Guess What- I Like You

No "L" word
No ring
No forever
Just now, with underlaying possibilities.
I'm still not certain, so I'm not going to push.
But open your eyes, the potentials remain and flourish.
Be ready to open your hand when I'm ready to squeeze tight and jump

~an enthusiastic Smile~

Too Little Too Late

Pointed out to me: A revelation? A confession? A desire? It was too much for you too take, so you lost it. Obviously your want was lacking, and could not measure up. Now all you have to hold is your bottle. And I am being held by someone new.


What Is And Should Never Be

And if I say to you tomorrow 
Take my hand, child, come with me
It's to a castle I will take you
Where what's to be they say will be

Catch the wind- see us spin
Sail away- leave the day
Way up high in the sky
Then the wind won't blw
You really shouldn't go
It only goes to show
That you will be mine
By taking our time- oooh!

And if you say to me tomorrow
Oh, what fun it all would be
Then what's to stop is, pretty baby
But what is and what should never be

Catch the wind

So if you wake up with the sunrise
And all your dreams are still as new
And happiness is what you need so bad
Girl, the answer lies with you, yeah

Catch the wind

Everybody I know seems to know me wellBut does anybody know I'm going to move like hell

-Led Zeppelin

~the 'what if's' are haunting you~

Living On Scaffold

you can't fall-
you have no rope
so don't get too tangled up in me*

so high up
with no one to catch you
you aren't as invincible as you feel

we're untied
vulnerable to height
and yet here we keep dancing

warnings are lost
blowing away in the wind
cause we are too tangled to listen

~for a time on a high perch~


*I am not responsible for these lines. While my sister and I were painting a house this summer, high up on the scaffold, she unknowingly spoke them to me. Of course they were used in a very different context, but it inspired me. So thank you to my sister.

She's Just Minding Her Own Business

She wandered by, taking her time, she'd stop to window shop
Saw his reflection in the glass, he passed his eyes on me
If you've got something to say girl, don't walk away girl, give me a good reaction.
If you've got something to say boy, I ain't got all day boy, go ahead ask me a question

Oooh la la la Oooh la la la Oooh la la la
Ohhhhhhhh
Here comes love
check out the song here

Sometimes the songs that say the most, are the simple ones- straight to the point. As much as I enjoy intricate metaphors that excite my literature-obsessed mind, there are moments when clearly expressed feelings and ideas are refreshing.

~so don't forget who's taking you home, or in who's arms you're going to be~

A New Not-So-Fearful Step

I find myself on a new course, one never yet sailed in my time. Fear has become a subsidiary emotion behind thrill, love, hope, and uncertainty. Time may bring about change, but for now I am governed by a new light.
I look forward to the unknown, with hands to hold and hearts to share. Such alterations, I appear barely recognizable!
There still remain issues to be patched, and ironed, but in time and with experience all will be as good as new- if not better!


~new pieces for the quilt~

the magic is gone

at least you care enough to notice
the lack of response didn't come with a cold shoulder
i still have a heart, as do you
thankfully you can partially show it
i won't pretend i didn't want it to sting
for pain only brings you to life
opening your eyes to the morrow
dismal and dark without me
suck it up, and pine
for what you lost cannot be recovered


~the grass is always greener~

Forecasted Storm Clouds

The authorities predict rain and storms. Our hopes and plans to be kiboshed, forgotten as if never holding importance. Our lives left to the fate dictated by others' voices.
However, we sit at ease and content, wishing to throw caution to the wind and ignore the inevitable calamity. The rain feels refreshingly cool in its attempts to extinguish our passion. Let the clouds come, rain fall, and wind blow, for that which is built to last will survive.

Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add colour to my sunset sky
-Rabindranath Tagore

~sharing the umbrella~

A live, breathing, functioning Girl

We're not creepers, we just like to be aware of our surroundings, familiar with the going-ons of those around us. It provides a comfortable bubble of sorts. This way we know what to expect, and what sorts of activities and signs might suggest assistance is required (our the need for us to seek shelter). Really it is what makes us good neighbours.
I've previously mentioned our neighbours (Ugly Naked Guy and Greasy Computer Guy). My roommates and I had the... unfortunate experience of being witness to much of their personal life. Thankfully, it has been a while since such an incident has occurred.

The other day, however, I witnessed a most unusual event. As I was heading downstairs, I looked out our window that faced UNG and GCG house and what did I see- a GIRL taking out the trash!
Instantly the following quote from Beauty and the Beast popped into mind.

Chip: Momma, there's a girrrrl in the castle!
Mrs. Potts: Now Chip, I won't have you making up such wild stories.
Chip: But really, momma, I saw her.
Mrs. Potts: Not another word. Into the tub.
3rd party: A girl! I saw a girl in the castle!
Chip: See, I told ya!

Now I am not comparing any of the people involved to a disney character (I wish!). My point is, that Kara and I (for as soon as I saw her I called for her to come see as well, this way they had to believe me!) were about as shocked as Mrs. Potts to find a girl in that vicinity.
She was no Belle... I'm sure that we could come up with some nickname for her as well, maybe something relating to the colours in her hair. But for now we will remain shocked, and keep our eyes peeled for a second showing of this seemingly miraculous creature.

~Here in town there's only she, who is beautiful as me, so I'm making plans to woo and marry Belle~

Out with the Old, In with the New

Our fridge is on the verge of failure. We all know it is coming, and yet are hesitant to admit it- who knows what that may trigger! Kara called our landlord (who happens to be in Newfoundland, of course!) and informed his wife about our relationship with the fridge being on the rocks. She didn't doubt it (who didn't see this coming!).

Suggesting that we give the fridge a rest, maybe slowly ease him out of his duties, maybe move everything from the freezer into the mini-deep-freeze, in case of a complete breakdown, may do us some good.
A few days later, Mrs. Landlord called to give us the good news- she had found a replacement. Brand new and in top notch order! How could we deny such an offer!

And so, this evening, Kara and I found ourselves sorting through the fridge. Having to make decisions about what is worth keeping, and what is past it's time (literally and figuratively) was not a quick task. We came across a slew of interesting articles, a few that we had no recollection of and others we wish we had no recollection of!


While I sat on the floor, scrubbing the mess and stain (or as much as possible) from the shelves, a revelation came to me- isn't this just like life. There comes a time when certain elements of life are no longer functional and a complete revamping is required. It may not always be easy, or fun, but in the end well worth the pain.

~all that glitters is... not always gold~

The L Word

Over used and abused. That which should mean the world, is freely shared with the world. An open threat, sent but never delivered.
A promise in a word no longer meant. A spoken passion overshadowed in the world's corruption. The dream of a young girl, perverted by the lost.
Their search for truth lead them here, but they took it and defaced it. Their truth is false, and they remain lost. Ignorance fails to bring bliss, for bliss is found in validity.
You run from the truth, and throw the word around to distract us. A camouflage more effective by the day. Live on in your masquerade, but know the veil will fade in time, and all that will remain is the truth in a word you fail to accept.

~refuse to be enlisted~

Not Alone in Our Foolish State

Eyes are focused and directed
Minds are buzzing with wonderment
Looks of disbelief are shared
A wave of simulated encouragement

I don't notice
nor do I care

My senses are overwhelmed from you
Your hand in mine stupefies
Your voice in my ear electrifies
Your scent charms my very essence
The taste of your kiss presides over all
All the while, your eyes smile back


~no one likes to be alone~

Here I Am

You can only walk along the same path for so many years (19 to be exact) before you come to a fork. An inevitable reality to be certain.
From one angle I think well it is about frickin' time, i'm getting sick of the this road. The contradicting opinion realizes that along the way there have been numerous bumps, turns, and changes in landscape and terrain; there were good times, bad times, and times when what lay around the bend was indecipherable- things were rarely dull! So why must I end this journey and change courses?
I'm sure each path has much to offer, but from my standpoint, I am unsure of what those things are. Not knowing what lays ahead frightens me. I am prepared to stop here and have a picnic- holding off the decision until I have more information, or a sudden burst of inspiration. What's wrong with enjoying where I am at and making an informed decision...

~flashing arrows would be much appreciated~

To Be Me

I Miss You like Drama Queens and Cat Fights and Braces on Prom Night*

Last evening, on our way to our final class of our university career, Mason and I met, and quickly passed a young boy. As we passed by, he stopped and curled over, as if he were in severe pain or was going to be sick. Concerned I turned to him in preparation to offer assistance.
Upon taking a better look however, I noticed that he was caring something. A heavy something. It was a weight- it must have been at least a 25 lbs!
We left him to his workout and continued to class.

In a way we are all like that kid. We are walking around with a huge weight that slows us down, and causes pain. And to what end? Sure that boy may build some muscle if he continues this strict regime, but will it improve him as a person?
And if we continue to carry our weight around, what will we gain- callouses? bitterness? grief?

Perhaps you're head the song The Weight by The Band. The chorus goes something like this:
Take a load off Annie, take a load for free; take a load off Annie, and you can put the load right on me

It makes me wonder... who is saying this to us? Are we listening?

~it's an investment~

*Miss You Being Gone The Band Perry

New Addiction

Here is a wordle of my poems. It gives you a quick idea of what I write about most. No surprises. However, in collecting these poems I realized how long it's been since I've written any poetry. It seems I've lost my muse. at least temporarily. I suppose that's what happens when I've recently had little to no reason for me to gripe over the opposite sex.

~a snap shot of my heart and mind~

A bad combo

Alcohol and sex don't mix.
And by alcohol I mean wine specifically, and by sex I mean the dessert, sex in a pan. I made It yesterday to go with the nice dinner I made for Mason (and my roommates). It's wonderful... it truly does live up to it's name!

So tonight, while sitting on the couch "writing my paper" I decided, what better way to bare this misery, than to drown myself in some leftover sex and wine. And so I did.
Now I lay here with more than a discomfort in my throat and stomach... the strong sense of nausea weighs me down. Instead of relishing in the brilliance that is my mind, I am cursing the frail pit that is my stomach.

Since when does my stomach struggle from the food I inhale? Am I growing weak in my... young age?

Pain, discomfort, regret... not the sensations one wishes to endure after a night of wine and sex.


~I've been rocked~

A Guiding Light

Last year in my practicum, I taught a grade 4 class. A huge chunk of my time there was devoted to my teaching the "Light and Shadows" unit from the Science curriculum. Now many of you know I'm not a huge science girl... but it ended up being a ton of fun. How come as you get older, the available topics of study in science narrow, and interesting thing like "Light" is forgotten!

Anyway, integration is a huge deal- and I completely agree with that! So for one of my LA lessons (LA is language arts, and I was teaching poetry!) my practicum teacher had found a poem to go along with my science unit! Is there anything more fun than that?

The point... I am currently working on a project for my tech class, and I am basing it on the "Light and Shadows" unit I taught last year. While working on this I found a copy of the poem. Not only did it bring back some great memories, but the poem also spoke to me.

Here is a copy of it for you to read and [hopefully] enjoy.

Someone Else’s Light by Elaine Laron

The sun is filled with shining light, it blazes far and wide.

The moon reflects the sunlight back, but has no light inside.

I think I'd rather be the sun, that shines so bold and bright.

Than be the moon, that only glows with someone else's light.

~What part are you playing?~

Advice?

So there is this girl... I'll call her Kenadie, who likes Mason. She texts him all the time, always wants to hangout, and now... she wants to go watch him play soccer.
Their history as acquaintances isn't long. Kenadie is friends with the girl that Mason's best friend (we'll call him Casanova) occasionally fools around with. They went on a "double date" that wasn't even a double date because Mason was dating me, and was dragged along by Casanova.

She's aware that Mason isn't available, but isn't backing down.  I don't want to be a crazy girlfriend... but is it a bad thing that this bugs me? Should I feel threatened? Do I have a right to be upset?

Mason assures me that they're just friends, and only get together periodically to "keep in touch." It's not that I don't trust Mason... It's that I don't trust Kenadie.


~Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies (Elizabeth Bowen)~

Sometimes I wonder... why me?

A Magic Carpet Ride

I once was satisfied with 'something', because at least 'something' was better than nothing. This way I was only partially lonely, and periodically felt important. On good days I could believe that I was wanted, and someone would be there fighting for me. I thought that we were still young, and expecting anything more than that was outrageous and unreasonable. We just needed time to grow up.

Now that I have 'everything' I see that having only 'something' diminished my self worth. Who knew that there was someone out there who wanted this too, and openly acknowledged it! I now see all is better than some. To be treated like you matter all the time beats occasional value any day. And who knew there was someone who willingly put your happiness over theirs! I thought I could only find this in the fictional world!


~A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view~

Foot Poppin'

I have the VHS version of Princess Diaries . I loved that movie, and really, what young girl doesn't love a Cinderella story. Anne Hathaway (before she was anyone) and Julie Andrews... Julie Andrews teaching and guiding Anne through what it takes to reach her true potential... in the movie and probably in real life as well!

A story of a girl looking for love -or more specifically a "foot popping kiss"- torn between sudden popularity and attention, and what's real.
But isn't that what we're all trying to figure out, what's true from what's a passing fad or a lie. That's one thing about romantic comedies, they have enough reality in them that we almost forget about the romantic twists and believe that "hey, it could happen!"


"because you saw me when I was invisible"

Check One

Growing up I was not always the most adventurous eater. When I told my mother I didn't like something, she would tell me that I could not make that judgement without first trying it. Often (though I didn't admit it to her), upon trying the supposed unpalatable food, I found to enjoy it more than I earlier expected.
This can be applied to more than just questionable food. Life is about experiencing, learning and making mistakes. Sure there are things to definitely avoid, but there are also waters out there that should be tested. So next time you come across a river, lake, sea, or puddle, weigh your options. Is it worth the effort of trying to jump or cross the water remaining dry, or could you risk dipping your toe in... who knows what may happen.


~sometimes you have to just take a chance. and if your scared of the past, just remember it's the past for a reason and it's not worth missing out on great things that could come in the future. take a chance, have no regrets~