Never Again

I hate you for loving me
I hate myself for being blind to it
I hate you for making me feel this way
I hate each song, place and person that reminds me of you
I hate each tear that falls for you
I hate hating you

It scares me that you have such power over me
There isn't a day that goes by that i don't think of you
Not a day goes by that I don't want to cry
I feel so weak, so foolish
My reason as walked out on me
Leaving me with nothing but feelings


'I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' self control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To Hell with my pride let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry'


Something good will come of this
It is a promise from above
But i don't like waiting
All i see know is pain
All i feel is pain
I yearn that golden lining


~somewhere out there~

Memories of you and i

Each time i remember you
a curtain of tears falls
We shared so much, you and I
or so i was convinced
But down, down we fell
For our roots were poisoned by lies
Lies of love, lies of trust;
Fed by lies- death by lies

Thanks for the memories
meant to always inspire
but instead destined to break
for down i fell
when away you fled
with no backwards glance
at my torn heart left behind
stomped and trampled

At night i still pray for you
that again you may find love
away, safe from our past
built on fact
for each step i take to love
i fall back two-
from remembering you-
as our memories still pierce me



~there is nothing but empty there inside~

Some Wait Their Whole Lives'

The countdowns until excitement enters my summer...







The anticipation is killing me. It's going to be torture knowing the movie is out and i'm stuck in hick-ville unable to watch it with other die-hard fans.

~Everybody's looking for what we've found~

It's a Small World ?

in a world so wide ... i feel [so] small sometimes...

sitting here in my wonderful one-horse town i think about what else there is out there... There is so much in this world i want to see and experience...

and even just Canada... like, did you know:

- there is a 75% chance that a public road in Canada will be UNpaved!
- nearly one-fourth of all the freshwater in the world is found in Canada!
- if stretched in a continuous line, Canada's coastline would circle the earth more than six times!
- the Trans-Canada Highway is the longest national highway in the world!

I've experienced MANY unpaved roads, and as i live in the land of lakes, trees and rocks (oh and BEAUTIFUL sunsets!)... i can believe the fact about the freshwater.
I've visited both the East and and West coastlines... but when you find yourself standing on the beach ogling the great expanse of the ocean, you tend to forget about the land you are standing on... (or maybe that's just me...)
And i am proud to say that anyone driving across that longest national highway in the world MUST pass through my home town!

woot woot Canada!


~i know one day i will come away from you knowing something important~

The Adventures of a Filing Clerk

In the dark, damp, dingy confines of a chart room is where my summer is being spent. My hours are occupied with the alphabet continually running through my head andthe repeaitive up and down, up and down movement getting and returning charts hich ruines my knees and back more so then usual. (thankfully my father has access to helpful products)

I know that at this point there is a twinge of jealousy running through all your bodies, i don't blame you- you realize just how blessed i am to have received such an enthralling summer position!
However, so all you, my faithful readers, do not feel too left out from my adventures i will share some of my experiences with you...

Part of my job is to take test results and place them in the proper section of the correct chart... if the chart is not on the shelves i then use my computer skills to search it's whereabouts.
This one time- i'll never forget it -i was working on filing the 'D's' and came across a man who's chart was not in it's place. I searched his name in the computer and found that he had died (oh sorry... was deceased...), 2 years ago! But these test results were from a few days ago... ! Someone should inform him of his state... that or that radiology is no help if you are already dead...

Oh boy... that adventure just gives me the chills every time i think of it! So exciting...

Not all experiences are that good...

On top of the above situation, i have also come to the realization that there are much bigger geeks out there... I have discovered someone who lives in my town with the name Hermione!! he he he enough said

I've also discovered someone who has stolen the name of my first born daughter... not just the first name, but the first AND second name... i've had it chosen for AGES... i'm on a hunt to find the culprit... and... end this conflict...

So much more excitement to come, i'm sure of it. i hope that everyone else's summer is going even a fraction as good as mine...


~as the last ounce of sanity silently slips away...~