A Lacking World

The world is in constant motion, as are our lives, our relationships and our hearts. There are times when you think you understand, but then you are hit with reality.

I find it hard to take, sometimes I feel like I could break
And I hope you hear my prayer tonight


Friends are in constant flux along with you, or so it is often believed. Support, sharing, love, confidence, forgiveness... only a few of such pleasures you can benefit from such synchronization...
But without trust, can all this be possible?

Don't talk if you aren't gonna tell me the truth
Don't tell me you know and you've got everything under control
We can't have it all, but we can break the fall
This time I'm letting go, 'cause I can't take it anymore


I used to consider the prospect of being lonely and crowded simultaneously, and I've discovered it's extremely probable. Without a firm foundation of trust, good company is rare.

It was never my choice to feel all alone
This is my home
Back up, you don't know if you've never been here,
You've never been to the place inside


Welcome to a world of fears, broken dreams and a lack of morals, where everything goes and a conscience exists only in the world of losers.


~It's so hard when you're a loser~

A Place to Call my Own

A room all to myself, with no one to kick me out.
A bathroom to myself, with hair that belongs only to me.
REAL food!
A vehicle that is not only available once in a while and will take me where it is I truly need to go!

A blessing in disguise?

I realized today that my time at home will be brief. Time to spend with friends and family quickly passes as my trip to Cuba nears. Today marks 12 days until my trip, however, due to the 3 days I will be spending at Winter Camp, my time at home lessens.
This doesn't bother me to any great extent, as I have discovered that those who once wanted to spend time with me (and I with them), have found bigger and better things. Things change, as do people, it is a part of living and growing. Sure it hurts, but I've found that by distancing yourself from people before reaching this point of breaking... helps to numb the pain.
Of course this proves to be a difficult task when it is someone you love.



Cuba will be an adventure, new people (other than my 16 extra family members), new sites and new experiences. It is times like these I feel as if i am destined to live the life of a gypsy, continual traveling with little contact with people other than the casual greeting. Would life be any better?

~'I cannot think well of a man who sports with any woman's feelings'~

Tortured, Tangled Hearts

Oh love, oh love you fickle thing
Such pretty words and golden rings
It was a broken dream right from the start
Bless their tortured, tangled hearts



Drama around here is comparable to high school and T.V. (but without the cheating and the casual sex... that I'm aware of) drama.
"So and so are dating..."; "She likes him", "So and so are engaged"; "They cheated in the elections and nonetheless have been granted the position"; "So and so went across the country to captivate his true love's heart"; "They are all dying due to the lack of nourishment received from the cafeteria 'food'"



Well a blast of confusion coupled with delusion
Makes the best made plans sometimes fail
They wined and they dined, had peace of mind



So many hormones and ideas are being tossed around causing vast confusion among the residents. While some are [finally] seeing clearly, others are becoming increasingly disorientated.
One would think that simply stated words could clear up such mayhem... but when words are working contrary to the actions, no simple conclusion is possible.



But the mighty cloud of destiny came driftin' through the gates
And busted up what could have been a perfect, hopeless case



Is it possible for one to feel one thing in their mind and the complete opposite in their heart? And if so, which is the right feeling? Such events are common during these times.

While some people are ready to 'take the plunge', others are slipping in slowly and still others are too afraid to dip their toes in. None of these are superior methods to the others, but you can't help but compare your situation to those around you... which never turns out well
Why must we instinctively compare everything and everyone around us to our standards. We live in a world of judgments which lead to nothing but further confusion and uncertainty.



~down on its knees true love did fall~

"I'll Keep You My Dirty Little Secret"

I love literature of all kinds... and lately, lyrics have been at the top of my favourite kinds of literature.

At times, it seems almost as if you are the subject of their words...

~Punk Rock Princess~
Maybe when I'm done with thinking,
Maybe you can think me whole.
Maybe when I'm done with endings
This can begin, this can begin
This can begin.


And other times you are inspired but what others have learned and are now passing on to the world...

~I Hope You Dance~
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance


And other times, when reading these words, you are reminded of amazing things, that at times seem so far off and almost fake...

~I can only Imagine~
I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

Writing of any kind has a uniqueness to it that influences me in so many ways, and at times it makes me wish that i lived in the world of fiction... like my very own fairy tale.


~there is only one place where you can dream as big as the sky~

Tis the Season

Now that it is December, the media has begun to impress upon the urgencies of completing our Christmas shopping. Radio stations, malls, movies, tv etc. have commenced the continual Christmas music, Seasonal Greetings and reminders of how many shopping days remain... dun dun dun

I went to the mall today and shopped for nearly 3 hours... but to no avail! It seems that our material-loving world is gaining nothing by its over produce of objects, and to top it all off, as the prices grow, the quality diminishes! Our world is becoming trash, and they are forcing us to pay extra for it!

Once in a while, however, you are fortunate to formulate a special gift idea in your mind... but once you begin making it happen you discover that there is a flaw in your plans... it is nearly impossible to create something wonderful out of a trash-world. Oh the irony...


~why change something that was already so good?~