with eyes wide closed

there is something in those eyes. a message being whispered through the craze of the crowds. a desperate cry, an indescribable plea...  but they silently slip away into the whirl wind of life, ceasing to seduce. hopelessly searching for another chance. a second chance

it's a dance with time

a tango with fate 

a ripple of dreams

a shot in the dark

a weak cry in the pandemonium

just one more chance

please try once more... 

distress with thrill. look beyond the memories, to a time when one can take flight. holding hands, cries of joy, guilt destroyed, and faith restored. the message no longer lost, but shared. a secret passion to an exposed reality.

 don't hide beneath the doors of normality. now's the time for a defiance of all that has been followed. let the message of your eyes spread: that your actions take on their urgency and your lips their passion. share it.

~a window to your secrets~

Running Back to You

I haven't been myself these days

Trying to see through a deep blue haze

Wondering if my life will ever be the same

Even though the giving-in is easier than startin' over again

Don't expect to hear me call your name

I shout at the walls, hold my breath 'til I fall

But it won't get the better of me

I'll live with the pain until all that remains is the memory

That you used to be

Goin' nowhere fast, put my foot on the gas

Howlin' at the moon

But I won't come running on back to you

I bet you think I'm drinking too much

Spend every moment longing for your touch

That I'm in little bitty pieces on the floor

Well, I made up my mind this'll be the last time

And you held me to my word

The night you walked our future out that door

Don't ask me where we went wrong

You were weak, baby, now I must be strong...

I shout at the walls, hold my breath 'til I fall

But it won't get the better of me

I'll live with the pain until all that remains is the memory

Where you used to be

I won't back down when you come back around

No matter what you do

But I won't come running on back to you

No, It won't get the better of me

I'll live with the pain until all that remains is the memory

Where you used to be

Goin' nowhere fast with my foot on the gas

Howlin' at the moon

But I won't come running on back to you

~your power ends here~

A Path Wrapped in Thorns and Thistles: Yet on we Trudge

There is something about life that can just get you down. Nothing particularly upsetting or nasty can have happened, and yet the heart is heavy and the mind embittered.

A curse has been laid upon the simple pleasures of life. All that once brightened a gloomy day has been torn away, leaving nothing but a score to be settled and a scar avenged.

The road ahead at times appears to be bearable, until a neighbouring traveler remarks on her [or his] great-fortune and joys that are to come. The once faint glitter that could be seen in the reflection now seems dark and dreary beside her's [or his'].
Try hard to resist such comparisons: but once noticed, it is nearly impossible to ignore prominent evidence of splendor among a journey of fog and confusion.

At times distractions of a rambling, fast-forward, high-powered mind fed by a creative, unrealistic imagination gains control of the wheel. But not all road blocks can be transformed into soft landings. Reality, in it's cynical form, mangles and deflates all hopes of the fairy tale objectives.

Re-established on the road of facts and thorns, the only fuel which remains is the fading memories of a once-dreamed life.
And so the road, packed with rushed travelers with no real destination in mind, will continue to lead us on. To nowhere in particular, we go, blinded by neon lights and the Father of Lies.


~I'm gonna smile my best smile
And laugh like it's going out of style
but this learning to live again is killing me~

What saith my Stars?

I am currently writing a paper on God (or the lack of God) in Esther and His providence.
One of the pieces of evidence that scholars have come to see as God's hand in the book of Esther is the many "far-fetched" coincidences.



Now here i am... sitting in what could be a nothing, wondering how to distinguish between a mere coincidence and God's hand in our lives (or more specifically for this point in time: in My life).

Or perhaps there is NO such thing as coincidence and everything is God at work.
Though these ideas running through my head may not be anything but my over-imaginative mind at work (on the wrong things). God could have nothing to do with it and me... and nothing is or will ever to come of it.


Returned glances are nothing special.
People make changes in their lives all the time.
My nosy, curious mind at work moves from topic to topic daily... so this is, in all likelihood, a "flavour of the week" sorta thing . . . Acting solely as yet another distraction from the ever-growing pile of things i must do.



~i changed my stars to find you~