Breaking the Habit

you see it everywhere, girls always falling for the jerk, or the bad boy.

i'm as guilty of is as any of them. many "experts" have tried explaining or justifying this obsession, yet none have done so in a way that i can completely agree with. while i myself do not have the answer, i will not bow down to their ideologies by always reiterating their theories.

but that's just me.

a... boy i know, commented the other day about how he "doesn't understand why girls always go for the bad boys" and continued with "i guess it's true that the nice guy finishes last"

first off, if this is true, i don't think he has anything to worry about, because as much as he may believe it, i do not believe that he is one of these "good guys"

however, at the time it made me think along different lines.

is this fixation of mine going to continue forever? am i always going to fall for guys that aren't in it for the long run, but for the fleeting high. am i destined to be picking up they ever-dwindling pieces of my broken heart forever?

it's not a very promising future. but then it hit me...

girls [may] fall for jerks, but they fall in love with the nice guy

i said this to my acquaintance, i think he took it as a bit of inspiration for himself. what he didn't know is that ultimately, it was encouraging for me, and my pending future...

~there is a time for everyone to do some self-reflection~

the boy next door

a homecoming is the act of returning to something familiar.

after christmas holidays, the return to roommates, school, and unremarkable food was all too familiar and insipid for me.

this year, i was even less excited for this homecoming than usual, and rather than welcoming this all -to common life, i was repulsed. it was time for a change, something unpredictable, and intoxicating.

i had a number of possibilities in mind, yet taking steps to assure these visions was either out of my control, or far too daunting for my gutless self. so ultimately, i've made this bed i now live in.

however, there was something slightly different this time.

i walked into our kitchen and toward the sink where i planned to wash our seemingly-ever-dirty dishes, and as i squirted the biodegradable soap into the sink (despite the good intentions of its makers, it doesn't work and i do not recommend it) i looked out our window. out our window and straight into our neighbours bedroom!

i was rather shocked and confused- has this ever happened before? have i always been able to see right into this boy's (well, more like young man... though i'm not too sure how much of a "man" he is) room, and more specifically, right at his computer screen!?

i raised my questions and concerns with my roommates. Jordyn informed me that over the holidays the previous resident of this room had moved out, and this... guy was his replacement.

over the next few days we discovered a few things about our new... friend

(1) he doesn't like drawing his blinds, (2) he spends a LOT of time on his computer, (3) he really loves his cat(s) (i have yet to figure out if there is more than one or not), (4) if we knock on our window loud enough be can hear us.

no matter how insignificant and foolish this may seem to you, it gives me just the slightest bit of hope.

if the view through a meager kitchen window can so drastically change in just a few weeks, imagine the changes possible in the bigger picture!

~a new shade of grey~

A distraction is just that (the first)

So in my return post, i mentioned the minimal amount of writing i had previously been doing; there has been next to nothing. However, next to this nothing is a phrase that was used in a conversation i had, that ended up acting as my muse.

This phrase (which may have been slightly adjusted over time) was

"because a distraction is just that"

Now, i attempted a poem with this as my inspiration/starting line twice. Once over weeks of sitting in a stuffy, lonely, windowless office... (yay summer vacation) and the other while sitting through my History and Philosophy of Education class...

Neither of these settings were ideal for writing, so perhaps one day i'll try a third time, in a more encouraging environment.

For now, here is attempt number one, the office version.

because a distraction is just that (a distraction)

it does not make you forget

it is not permanent

reality continues to flicker

and will one day break through

you were on my mind is an understatement

but rather you've never been off

you reign each thought

your memory is the loudest thing i hear

wanting to escape i plunge into anything

out each night for something to do

stay up too late to fall asleep

but you're sill there

even as i lose myself in another tale

Edward continues to charm Forks

while love prevails in Darcy's eyes

and Hogwarts' safe in Harry's care

But none distracts from you

~the truth prevails~

I know what i'd like to be doing!

so, since lately i've been somewhat... preoccupied with my roommates, i will continue with one of my rants.

Jordyn has the tendency to place (completely unjustified) judgement on those around her. Due to the fact we live in the same house, and see a lot of each other, much of that judgement seems to fall upon Erin and me.

Whether it be "TV is bad for you, it'll rot your brain" (then she precedes to spend the entire day in front of the TV)

or "oh, you're watching the new The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe, i only watch the old one"

And those are only a small taste of them.

On top of the judgement, she loves stupid questions.

One day, i had my hair tied back, work clothes on, rubber gloves up to my elbows and a bucket and cloth in my hand. i was bend over the shower, scrubbing, when Jordyn walks by and asks in her perfected condescending tone "what are you doing?"

In my mind flashed the words "what do you mean 'what am i doing?', what on earth does it look like i'm doing! i'm cleaning the bathroom you slob!"

Similarly, one evening as Jordyn lay sprawled out on the couch watching TV (maybe i should inform her that rots her brain), Erin came in and wiped down the coffee table.

Once again Jordyn asked in that same tone we all love "what are you doing?"

Now unfortunately i don't have the ability to read the minds of others, so i'm not entirely certain what went through Erin's mind at that moment. But i can imagine it was somewhat similar to my earlier thoughts.

~counting down the days 'till higher bills~

A Quick intro to the Roommates

So i live in a house with 3 other girls. I'll call them Erin, Morgan, and Jordyn.

Erin is an awesome girl to whom i credit for keeping me calm and sane (more about her later).

Morgan is an only child and sometimes has trouble getting along with others and dealing with things when they don't go her way, but she's learning to cope (lucky for her fiance)

and Jordyn... well lets just say, she's decided to move out (not because of anything that happened between us, but other circumstances, apparently beyond her control) and i can't help being excited and relieved despite the negative affect this will have on our bank accounts.

Now don't get me wrong, Jordyn can be a pleasant girl... but the bad outweighs the good. She is high-maintenance (though not in the way one would usually expect from a 22 year old girl), always sick and feels the need to verbalize this, and anything that is ever slightly disagreeable is the end of the world.

Oh, and did i mention she's a hypocrite. All my favourite qualities, all wrapped up in one girl.

~what happened to girls just wanted to have fun?~

through new eyes

Months have passed by seemingly unnoticed, at least unnoticed by my creative side. It's been far too long since i've written anything.

Well, that's a bit of a lie, i tried to write lyrics to a song without music (which is basically a poem). It wasn't an epic fail... i have a few pages of possibilities, but they weren't quite what i had in mind. Which just goes to remind you how different your creative juices can be from your plans. Which is the same thing as saying it's amazing how unlike your plans reality is.

Though my side of this relationship has been severely lacking in the past few months, the intake i have received from your side (aka the internet/friends/the world) has been inspiring.

I have recently (and quite by accident) found a blog of a Motley collection of photos (which is appropriately called "Motley Photos" [http://motleyphotos.blogspot.com/]) which i have been thoroughly relishing. I feel it has been stirring ideas and feelings that writing often neglects. That's not to say that my love for reading has diminished in any way.

It's more to say that there is still so much for me to learn.

~what we learn with pleasure we never forget~