Before returning home for Christmas break i had had a brief conversation with one of my ex-boyfriends. He asked when i would be returning home and told me he'd like for us to see eachother during my visit. I was fairly surprised by this proposal because we had barely said anything to eachother since he'd left 8 months earlier. I agreed none the less- what harm would it to be to see him again after so long.
So here i am, only a day before i leave and we have neither seen eachother nor has he tried to contact me. My feelings for this are neither displeasure nor satisifaction but quite neutral. If he would have liked to see me, i would have been more then happy to visit with him aswell, but him not wanting this, does not upset me either.
This morning however, the situation changed. I was at the orthadontist for him to check my teeth after me being away for 4 months. Because we are a small town, the demand for a full time orthadontist is not required, so one from a nerby city comes in one weekend a month to check all the teeth in our town and the surrounding area. In a town of nearly 8000 and a number of smaller towns nearby, it isn't exactly an easy task for him. It gets busy, so when your appointment is at 10:45, you are lucky to get in by 11:15. Either way, everyone is aware of this and is always prepared to sit for a while. i brought my book.
So while i was sitting there, waiting for my turn (which i knew would only take about 45 seconds- enough time for him to ask how the retainer is fitting and then, because i'll tell him fine, he'll say 'excellent, keep wearing it everynight and i'll see you when you come home for summer break') guess who walks out from his appointment . . . the Ex!
It took me a few seconds to register who it was, and when i did, i stuck my head back in that book as fast as i could, praying he didn't see me look at him . . . I'm not for certain why i did that, but i figured, if he wanted to talk to me, he would do so.
My younger sister, who was sitting next to me, saw him and looked at me. She noted that he did endeed see me, and recognize me (which wouldn't be to difficult, i haven't changed in 8 months . . . not like him . . a full beard, what is he thinking?!) yet he said nothing to me, or even acknowledge me!
Maybe he felt the same way i did - what do i say-. But i must say, it was akward, i felt my cheeks and whole body heat up. I had a pressing desire to take off my jacket, but i was afraid to draw attention to myself . . .
So he ignored me, and i am . . . maybe it is a good thing that we never got together.
- i'll never fully understand myself-
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