Back in action

So I teach a class of 13 kids, ranging from kindergarten to grade 3. I have only one kindergarten student who comes on alternate days. This student, whom I'll call Kayson, is a cheery student, who is loved by all, and is a joy to have in the class, despite his lack of knowledge regarding proper school behaviour.
I wish all kids were like him.


One day, to have him practice his numbers, I was having him role a dice, figure out what number it was, then bead that many beads onto pipe cleaners. He was loving it! After he started to really get the hang of it, I had him leave the group from the role before, and than add the two amounts together.
(and this right here is why I wish they were all more like him)
Kayson declared enthusiastically "what a fantastic idea!"

His genuine interest and zeal was a surprise- a refreshing surprise! Most of my other students are at the stage where they can't admit they are enjoying school or learning. And showing avidity towards any of my academic suggestions would be social suicide!

The most refreshing part about Kayson's enthusiasm, is that it didn't fade. As I continued to make suggestions, his fascination and curiosity persisted!
Who knew learning could be so fun!



And this is only one of the reasons why I love this kid!

~a life worth living~

Too Far Too Long

I haven't had internet for over a month... Now here it is. Yet it does not fulfil, only a further reminder of what I do not have.
I'm also missing 7th Heaven... when I had it to watch, it almost felt like I had a family to come home too- almost.

I'm pathetic. And lonely. And wishing I were in your arms.

~wrapped up tight~

Still Nothing

I am still without the technology that enables me to communicate with the rest of the world... It does not help with the isolation that is Bow Island. 

Sometimes I feel that I live in that town from Footloose... 

Got an email today that made me think, so I thought I'd share it with you.

God doesn't give you the people you want; He gives you the people you NEED... to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you- to make you into the person you are today, and ultimately the person you are meant to be

~a reason~

Lacking pizzazz, or even just a smile

I am currently without internet and tv at my house.
Is it sad that this upsets me terribly? Have I become far to dependent on technology to entertain me and make me happy? What happened to music while cleaning, or a good book on the couch?

Oh right... my books have yet to arrive in the Dried Bean Capitol of the West. Plus I am sick of my music and have no way of purchasing more...
It might help if I had friends, or at least companions with a 1 or even 2 hour radius. But here I remain alone, with no friends- real or fake.

I don't want to say my life sucks because it could be worse. However... I'm not feeling too excited about it right now.


~just don't take my phone~

But what if...

~gah! I lack reason~

prov 3 5 6

Under a microscope nothing is perfect
Blemish and defect are inevitable
nothing is as it originally seems

Plans and purpose fall to the way side
as our tracks silently change course
unbeknownst to the distracted crew

Our plates are beyond our official 'full'
With work, and life, and new voices
at what point do we overcome all this "new"?

~lean not on your own understanding~

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

a few random lines i've scribbled in an attempt to describe my current plight.

you said no matter the distance,
we'd hold tight and make it through.
but the path of least resistance
doesn't always seem to lead to you.

~

Tears that once did not exist, come rolling down my cheeks.
So many strong and new emotions have over powered me.
I wish you did not see me in this weak and sappy state
but when it comes to you all control is washed away.

~

I want to yell and scream and beg
for you to let me be
And forget you ever saw me in this
tearful awful mess

~of someone else?~

From Thought to Tree in 0.3

I have an overactive imagination. Plant the smallest notion of an idea in my mind through either word or deed, and within moments you could have a fully developed outcome. A future with a house, car, white picket fence and family of 5.

The majority of the time however, my train of thought is ridiculous and completely unrealistic. For some reason, unlike the movies, the end result of a chance meeting, or locked eyes cannot be realized fifteen minutes into it. Love, wealth and happiness are not an everyday occurrence, in fact, there is not even a guarantee of a happy ending.

My imagination however, is ignorant of this. Of reality. Though I have never been put under a spell to be awoken only by true love's kiss, or had a fairy godmother dress me in sparkles and send me off in a pumpkin carriage. That which I want, think, dream, and imagine is rarely that which occurs.
Life seems to differ somewhat from my dreams...


~your longterm thinking can be so... short term~

Stalled

My life has taken a new turn, a fast turn. The world around me is spinning and I'm excited to gain some control and see where it has taken me. It's a time in my life when change, and onward steps are vital and thrilling- and occasionally scary as hell. But this is the time for them. 

Young, strong, and enthusiastic, nothing knocks you down for long. Movement stimulates you and lulls  are unsettling. I can't help but wonder why, when the rest of my world is in constant flux leading me towards my new future- my new life- this refuses to progress. Is there something going on behind the scenes suggesting that this is only temporary and not durable enough to last into my slowly shaping future? Is it a warning sign?

I tend to lack patience when it comes to knowing what the future holds, if I have a worry or fear, waiting for the worst to come is the last thing I want to do. Just release the anchor, and let me spin. If loss is inevitable, why put it off.

~waiting on your words~

She's Back

A few months ago I mention a girl I am calling Kenadie, who was interested in Mason. I told Mason at the time that I was not comfortable with them talking- not that I don't trust him, it's her. Despite the fact that he was in a committed relationship, she continued to pursue him. Ummm excuse me bitch!

So now, here we are months later and things are going wonderfully and she has ceased to make an appearance in our day-to-day lives. Until last night.
Mason was going out with some friends, one of whom is friends with Kenadie, and so Kenadie was part of the group. Mason tells me this morning, that she was hitting on him all night.
Well, needless to say that rubbed me the wrong way!
Girl- he's cut off communication with you, he's still got a girlfriend, and he is showing you no interested. Get the hint and MOVE ON.

Mason seems to think I'm making a bigger deal of this than I should. That he's with me, is perfectly content, and there is nothing Kenadie, or any other girl can do to change that. I try to forget about it... but obviously, based on this post hours later... it continues to linger.
I am confused on what to do about it. I don't want him to feel that I don't trust him- cause I do. But I can't seem to explain to him in a way that he understands why this girl bugs me so much. Nor, does it seem that I can forget it.

~haunted by past transgressions~

All I Need

Step 1, receive my rather delayed letter from Hogwarts. (Errol must be delivering it)

 Step 2, get to London so I can use my ticket to ride on the train to Hogwarts.

Step 3, get a life.

So I've Been Told

little secret

...he is unaware, but on a daily basis he brings tears of joys to my eyes. If he knew he'd tease me- apparently I cry far too easily. But he's the first boy to make me happy-cry.

...i want to tell the world about him while simultaneously hide him away so no one tries to steal him. If he knew he'd tell me I was being ridiculous- no one could steal him away.

...he can drive me crazy and inspire me in the same breath. If he knew, he'd claim I was just humouring him. 

...somehow he always seems to know what to say, he reads me better than I understand myself. If he knew, he'd say girls are complicated, but my silence says it all.

...i miss him every day. He knows, but I don't remind him- it just makes it worse.

... if he knew my secret, he'd smile and shake his head and say slow down girl, and enjoy the ride

I wonder if he'll ever know. I wonder what our future holds. I wonder what he'll say...

~how slow do you want to go~

Children Are Quick

whether these are all true or not, I don't care. They still make me smile, and excited for the stories I'll be telling about my students!

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

_              _____________________________ 

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it  is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS:Maria.
____________________________________  
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. 
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. 
 __________________________    ________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
 ____________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a  lot closer to the ground than you are. 
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I  is...
TEACHER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'   
______________       __________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had  the axe in his hand.....    
______________________________________ 
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. 
_              _____________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..    Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.    
______________________    _____________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher 

Bye Bye Baby

I wouldn't believe them- how could it be!
Sixteen and pregnant, hiding the truth from the world, and from him. He who would've stood strong with me.
Sent off and discarded, as if a worthless object to me. How could I ever be in that mind set?
And now forgotten, a case inconceivable to the victim. An experience concealed by shock and fear. A scar on a family.
Was this my history, I almost believed...

And then I awoke. Sad, scared, and confused. From where did this idea come? How were they nearly able to convince me of such an offence, even for a moment in my waking state?


~the power of dreams~

Moments Away

Down the prairie road I tread. Whence I left remains in clear sight, though time indicates I aught to be long gone. I peer ahead and see my journey's end. Is the distance I have set off to travel as brief as it appears?

No, the prairie road misleads. This long straight path passes fields of wheat and corn and hemp and beets. It is no easy journey. I can look back and see the times I strayed into the fields; overcome with curiosity I abandoned my set destination for a time. The path was not easy, however. Having been swarmed with bugs and scratched by the uncultivated crop, I slowly returned to the appointed path.

And now, minutes away from that which I set off to reach, I fear. I fear that I am not prepared. The long prairie road was not long enough...
But I'm here, with no time to spare.


~prairie road trained~

Please Read My Mind

Before an important conversation, or an event where I have to share my thoughts or opinions I rehearse it in my mind for days on end. This happens for days until I think I am comfortable and I know exactly what it is that that I wish to say. 

Then that fateful time arrives, it is time to share. My heart beats fast, my mind goes blank, palms go sweaty and any voice that remains shakes uncontrollably (often you can throw in some tears for good measure). 

How will I ever be able to convince someone that

 what I say is true, if I myself cannot even vocalize it?

~something worth saying must be said~

139 Years Later...

~... what's wrong with barber shops?~

Ideas and Thinking- oh no!

http://weheartit.com

By the power invested in me by my father's title, I have thus diagnosed myself. I, Lauren, a self proclaimed reader, are suffering from ideas of grandeur. Visions of my own place, responsibility, and a real job have misguided me. In actual fact, I'm still a child! 

I am ignorant and naive of the real world. Realities like taxes, RRSPs, health benefits are mere terms to me. What is their purpose? How do I apply them? 

My understanding of the world is limited to small towns and a student's life. I had not yet cut ties with my bonds, the comfort of knowing I'm loved and cared for no matter what was my rock, the foundation on which I tread. And while I know that love changes not at this time, the attachment has been stretched to nearly unrecognizable lengths. 

Pop culture has romanticized growing up, life, and moving out. As per usual, however, country music has it right :

so here I am in my new apartment

In a big city, they just dropped me off

It's so much colder than I thought it would be

So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up

I wish I'd never grown up

Thank you Taylor for once again writing to and for me.

~sitting alone in the dark~

Of Two Minds

palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy...
[she]'s nervous, but on the surface [she] looks calm and ready...
the clock's run out, time is up...

The New Way Back

I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

  

I want to shout it out

From every rooftop sing

Let you and the world know

I want to be a 'we'

It's time to take my hand

and open our eyes to the world

there's no need to be apart

when we can be together

So brush of the world's stigma

We are bigger than that

Strength and commitment can win

Without it the world is lost

~keep dreaming princess~

To the Dried Bean Capital of the West

The world is in motion, just like me. This past week has been a whirl of changes triggered by required choices.  (I am So indecisive it's painful.)
With 2 interviews, and 2 job offers in less than a week, life suddenly seemed to be on fast forward. No time to stop and nit-pick through each scene in search of foreshadowing or signs. The conclusion was inevitable and imminent.

And now here I am, praying that it's where I'm suppose to be. Unfortunately if it is, it is over 5 hours away from some of the best friends a girl can have and her fantastic boyfriend; and over 13 hours away from her devoted family. However, I should be thankful... I could have been 8 and 25 hours away. It's all how you look at it.


~Perspective and attitude. Let those be my guide. ~

Over The Wall

I want to escape with you. Run off into the wild, overcome trials and celebrate success. You bring me to places I've never seen. With you I experience the incredible. You cause tears of joy and sadness. Because of you I yell, scream, laugh, and gasp.
You inspire change and reassure habits. I feel torn between wanting to share you with the world, and keep you to myself.
Every time is different, and everyone who experiences you is affected in a distinct way. Innocence is celebrate, and good conquers evil.
Bring me with you. Love me, pull me, challenge me, stretch me. Envelope me in a hug nothing can penetrate. The world disturbs and you preserve.




~library of worlds~

Steamy

Of course there's always the option of having your own library. This way you aren't given time restrictions; it's full of books that you are interested in and are worth your time; you can sit right down in front of the shelf and no one will step on you or complain.
Plus, you don't have to worry about being quiet.

Who needs Harlequin Romances in their library when they can have their own romance in their library.

~live a little~

Reading my Love story

Reading: only my most favourite past time. Books are my best friend, my comfort, and my escape. Curling up with a good book often beats a social event- but that sounds rather hermit-y of me. Perhaps I am just a nerd, but one of my favourite places is a book store- so many worlds, characters, and adventures calling to me! 

Of course bookstores are often very large and quiet, and I won't lie... Getting kissed up against characters like Elizabeth Bennet or Isolde has always been a fantasy of mine. While my love story will never compare, a girl can wish. And what are these stories for if not to experience ourselves! 

~force me into the books~