Bye Bye Baby

I wouldn't believe them- how could it be!
Sixteen and pregnant, hiding the truth from the world, and from him. He who would've stood strong with me.
Sent off and discarded, as if a worthless object to me. How could I ever be in that mind set?
And now forgotten, a case inconceivable to the victim. An experience concealed by shock and fear. A scar on a family.
Was this my history, I almost believed...

And then I awoke. Sad, scared, and confused. From where did this idea come? How were they nearly able to convince me of such an offence, even for a moment in my waking state?


~the power of dreams~

Moments Away

Down the prairie road I tread. Whence I left remains in clear sight, though time indicates I aught to be long gone. I peer ahead and see my journey's end. Is the distance I have set off to travel as brief as it appears?

No, the prairie road misleads. This long straight path passes fields of wheat and corn and hemp and beets. It is no easy journey. I can look back and see the times I strayed into the fields; overcome with curiosity I abandoned my set destination for a time. The path was not easy, however. Having been swarmed with bugs and scratched by the uncultivated crop, I slowly returned to the appointed path.

And now, minutes away from that which I set off to reach, I fear. I fear that I am not prepared. The long prairie road was not long enough...
But I'm here, with no time to spare.


~prairie road trained~

Please Read My Mind

Before an important conversation, or an event where I have to share my thoughts or opinions I rehearse it in my mind for days on end. This happens for days until I think I am comfortable and I know exactly what it is that that I wish to say. 

Then that fateful time arrives, it is time to share. My heart beats fast, my mind goes blank, palms go sweaty and any voice that remains shakes uncontrollably (often you can throw in some tears for good measure). 

How will I ever be able to convince someone that

 what I say is true, if I myself cannot even vocalize it?

~something worth saying must be said~

139 Years Later...

~... what's wrong with barber shops?~

Ideas and Thinking- oh no!

http://weheartit.com

By the power invested in me by my father's title, I have thus diagnosed myself. I, Lauren, a self proclaimed reader, are suffering from ideas of grandeur. Visions of my own place, responsibility, and a real job have misguided me. In actual fact, I'm still a child! 

I am ignorant and naive of the real world. Realities like taxes, RRSPs, health benefits are mere terms to me. What is their purpose? How do I apply them? 

My understanding of the world is limited to small towns and a student's life. I had not yet cut ties with my bonds, the comfort of knowing I'm loved and cared for no matter what was my rock, the foundation on which I tread. And while I know that love changes not at this time, the attachment has been stretched to nearly unrecognizable lengths. 

Pop culture has romanticized growing up, life, and moving out. As per usual, however, country music has it right :

so here I am in my new apartment

In a big city, they just dropped me off

It's so much colder than I thought it would be

So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up

I wish I'd never grown up

Thank you Taylor for once again writing to and for me.

~sitting alone in the dark~

Of Two Minds

palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy...
[she]'s nervous, but on the surface [she] looks calm and ready...
the clock's run out, time is up...

The New Way Back

I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

  

I want to shout it out

From every rooftop sing

Let you and the world know

I want to be a 'we'

It's time to take my hand

and open our eyes to the world

there's no need to be apart

when we can be together

So brush of the world's stigma

We are bigger than that

Strength and commitment can win

Without it the world is lost

~keep dreaming princess~

To the Dried Bean Capital of the West

The world is in motion, just like me. This past week has been a whirl of changes triggered by required choices.  (I am So indecisive it's painful.)
With 2 interviews, and 2 job offers in less than a week, life suddenly seemed to be on fast forward. No time to stop and nit-pick through each scene in search of foreshadowing or signs. The conclusion was inevitable and imminent.

And now here I am, praying that it's where I'm suppose to be. Unfortunately if it is, it is over 5 hours away from some of the best friends a girl can have and her fantastic boyfriend; and over 13 hours away from her devoted family. However, I should be thankful... I could have been 8 and 25 hours away. It's all how you look at it.


~Perspective and attitude. Let those be my guide. ~

Over The Wall

I want to escape with you. Run off into the wild, overcome trials and celebrate success. You bring me to places I've never seen. With you I experience the incredible. You cause tears of joy and sadness. Because of you I yell, scream, laugh, and gasp.
You inspire change and reassure habits. I feel torn between wanting to share you with the world, and keep you to myself.
Every time is different, and everyone who experiences you is affected in a distinct way. Innocence is celebrate, and good conquers evil.
Bring me with you. Love me, pull me, challenge me, stretch me. Envelope me in a hug nothing can penetrate. The world disturbs and you preserve.




~library of worlds~

Steamy

Of course there's always the option of having your own library. This way you aren't given time restrictions; it's full of books that you are interested in and are worth your time; you can sit right down in front of the shelf and no one will step on you or complain.
Plus, you don't have to worry about being quiet.

Who needs Harlequin Romances in their library when they can have their own romance in their library.

~live a little~

Reading my Love story

Reading: only my most favourite past time. Books are my best friend, my comfort, and my escape. Curling up with a good book often beats a social event- but that sounds rather hermit-y of me. Perhaps I am just a nerd, but one of my favourite places is a book store- so many worlds, characters, and adventures calling to me! 

Of course bookstores are often very large and quiet, and I won't lie... Getting kissed up against characters like Elizabeth Bennet or Isolde has always been a fantasy of mine. While my love story will never compare, a girl can wish. And what are these stories for if not to experience ourselves! 

~force me into the books~

see here boy

~only our dreams have it right~

Talk About a Sick World

Yesterday we took a trip to the city. Our main purpose was to go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 but we also dropped my sister's boyfriend off at the airport. Unfortunately that's not all we saw.

Our first scaring experience of the trip was on the highway. I was lying in the back of the vehicle with my foot elevated and earphones on. I noticed we were slowing down, simultaneously the songs were switching and I heard my sister say "what is going on?"
This caught my attention and I looked up. There was a line of about 12 vehicles stopped in front of us. I casually glanced over the vehicles looking for nothing in particular. I found something very distinct, however. There, beside the car straight in front of us, was a woman crouching beside her vehicle with a man standing next to her. Not too sure what she was doing, we looked closer. We very soon regretted that, for this rather large lady was crouching, with her pants around her ankles, in order to relieve herself, leaving her corpulent, white ass pointing directly at us! Thankfully the man opened the back passenger door to attempt to hide her.
When she was done, she got back in the car and it drove away, leaving the previously mentioned man behind. This did not seem to bother the man as he went on walking from vehicle to vehicle... for what reason we know not.

Later that evening, with this painful experience still sharp in our minds, my sister and I began our return drive. On the outskirts of the city, on the divided highway, we noticed all the oncoming traffic had stopped. As we neared we saw that this delay was due to a immense flock of Canadian Geese crossing the road. Half of the Geese had already crossed and the other half were still in progress when a Jackass in a jacked-up truck left the road and drove on to the median. The pompous jerk paid no attention to propriety and nature drove around his fellow drivers and right into the crossing flock! One unfortunate bird got stuck on the underbelly of his ride and was dragged for several feet, at an unbearably fast speed, before it got free. It attempted to join his family but was unable to walk, and many of the birds came over to him.
The rest of the vehicles continued to wait.


Respect is a lost art. The world is under the perception that they are entitled to their own way with their own controls, and the rest of the world can "suck it".

~we witnessed two ugly asses in one day~

No More Expectations

My boyfriend texted  me the other day about his Friday night. As he's telling me he adds in I was a good boy too. Not sure exactly what he meant, I questioned his meaning, to which he responds Drunk blond kept trying to get me to kiss her... no dice


While I was grateful for his loyalty I questioned whether he truly thought that this was that big of a feat- is it not expected that a boy is loyal to his girlfriend, and vice-versa?
He commented that Is it really expected now-a-day. That kind of honesty is a bit of a dead art I think He went on to say It just seems everyone is more concerned on getting more notches on the belt than anything...
At first I was rather discussed with this... but then i realized how sad... and true this is.


Society today teaches us to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy, no matter that consequences!
It honestly sickens me, and makes me fear for the future... for when I have children- if it's this bad now, what will my kids be faced with in 20 years!

~Love thy neighbours as thyself~

Hey! Guess What- I Like You

No "L" word
No ring
No forever
Just now, with underlaying possibilities.
I'm still not certain, so I'm not going to push.
But open your eyes, the potentials remain and flourish.
Be ready to open your hand when I'm ready to squeeze tight and jump

~an enthusiastic Smile~

Too Little Too Late

Pointed out to me: A revelation? A confession? A desire? It was too much for you too take, so you lost it. Obviously your want was lacking, and could not measure up. Now all you have to hold is your bottle. And I am being held by someone new.


What Is And Should Never Be

And if I say to you tomorrow 
Take my hand, child, come with me
It's to a castle I will take you
Where what's to be they say will be

Catch the wind- see us spin
Sail away- leave the day
Way up high in the sky
Then the wind won't blw
You really shouldn't go
It only goes to show
That you will be mine
By taking our time- oooh!

And if you say to me tomorrow
Oh, what fun it all would be
Then what's to stop is, pretty baby
But what is and what should never be

Catch the wind

So if you wake up with the sunrise
And all your dreams are still as new
And happiness is what you need so bad
Girl, the answer lies with you, yeah

Catch the wind

Everybody I know seems to know me wellBut does anybody know I'm going to move like hell

-Led Zeppelin

~the 'what if's' are haunting you~

Living On Scaffold

you can't fall-
you have no rope
so don't get too tangled up in me*

so high up
with no one to catch you
you aren't as invincible as you feel

we're untied
vulnerable to height
and yet here we keep dancing

warnings are lost
blowing away in the wind
cause we are too tangled to listen

~for a time on a high perch~


*I am not responsible for these lines. While my sister and I were painting a house this summer, high up on the scaffold, she unknowingly spoke them to me. Of course they were used in a very different context, but it inspired me. So thank you to my sister.

She's Just Minding Her Own Business

She wandered by, taking her time, she'd stop to window shop
Saw his reflection in the glass, he passed his eyes on me
If you've got something to say girl, don't walk away girl, give me a good reaction.
If you've got something to say boy, I ain't got all day boy, go ahead ask me a question

Oooh la la la Oooh la la la Oooh la la la
Ohhhhhhhh
Here comes love
check out the song here

Sometimes the songs that say the most, are the simple ones- straight to the point. As much as I enjoy intricate metaphors that excite my literature-obsessed mind, there are moments when clearly expressed feelings and ideas are refreshing.

~so don't forget who's taking you home, or in who's arms you're going to be~

A New Not-So-Fearful Step

I find myself on a new course, one never yet sailed in my time. Fear has become a subsidiary emotion behind thrill, love, hope, and uncertainty. Time may bring about change, but for now I am governed by a new light.
I look forward to the unknown, with hands to hold and hearts to share. Such alterations, I appear barely recognizable!
There still remain issues to be patched, and ironed, but in time and with experience all will be as good as new- if not better!


~new pieces for the quilt~

the magic is gone

at least you care enough to notice
the lack of response didn't come with a cold shoulder
i still have a heart, as do you
thankfully you can partially show it
i won't pretend i didn't want it to sting
for pain only brings you to life
opening your eyes to the morrow
dismal and dark without me
suck it up, and pine
for what you lost cannot be recovered


~the grass is always greener~

Forecasted Storm Clouds

The authorities predict rain and storms. Our hopes and plans to be kiboshed, forgotten as if never holding importance. Our lives left to the fate dictated by others' voices.
However, we sit at ease and content, wishing to throw caution to the wind and ignore the inevitable calamity. The rain feels refreshingly cool in its attempts to extinguish our passion. Let the clouds come, rain fall, and wind blow, for that which is built to last will survive.

Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add colour to my sunset sky
-Rabindranath Tagore

~sharing the umbrella~

A live, breathing, functioning Girl

We're not creepers, we just like to be aware of our surroundings, familiar with the going-ons of those around us. It provides a comfortable bubble of sorts. This way we know what to expect, and what sorts of activities and signs might suggest assistance is required (our the need for us to seek shelter). Really it is what makes us good neighbours.
I've previously mentioned our neighbours (Ugly Naked Guy and Greasy Computer Guy). My roommates and I had the... unfortunate experience of being witness to much of their personal life. Thankfully, it has been a while since such an incident has occurred.

The other day, however, I witnessed a most unusual event. As I was heading downstairs, I looked out our window that faced UNG and GCG house and what did I see- a GIRL taking out the trash!
Instantly the following quote from Beauty and the Beast popped into mind.

Chip: Momma, there's a girrrrl in the castle!
Mrs. Potts: Now Chip, I won't have you making up such wild stories.
Chip: But really, momma, I saw her.
Mrs. Potts: Not another word. Into the tub.
3rd party: A girl! I saw a girl in the castle!
Chip: See, I told ya!

Now I am not comparing any of the people involved to a disney character (I wish!). My point is, that Kara and I (for as soon as I saw her I called for her to come see as well, this way they had to believe me!) were about as shocked as Mrs. Potts to find a girl in that vicinity.
She was no Belle... I'm sure that we could come up with some nickname for her as well, maybe something relating to the colours in her hair. But for now we will remain shocked, and keep our eyes peeled for a second showing of this seemingly miraculous creature.

~Here in town there's only she, who is beautiful as me, so I'm making plans to woo and marry Belle~

Out with the Old, In with the New

Our fridge is on the verge of failure. We all know it is coming, and yet are hesitant to admit it- who knows what that may trigger! Kara called our landlord (who happens to be in Newfoundland, of course!) and informed his wife about our relationship with the fridge being on the rocks. She didn't doubt it (who didn't see this coming!).

Suggesting that we give the fridge a rest, maybe slowly ease him out of his duties, maybe move everything from the freezer into the mini-deep-freeze, in case of a complete breakdown, may do us some good.
A few days later, Mrs. Landlord called to give us the good news- she had found a replacement. Brand new and in top notch order! How could we deny such an offer!

And so, this evening, Kara and I found ourselves sorting through the fridge. Having to make decisions about what is worth keeping, and what is past it's time (literally and figuratively) was not a quick task. We came across a slew of interesting articles, a few that we had no recollection of and others we wish we had no recollection of!


While I sat on the floor, scrubbing the mess and stain (or as much as possible) from the shelves, a revelation came to me- isn't this just like life. There comes a time when certain elements of life are no longer functional and a complete revamping is required. It may not always be easy, or fun, but in the end well worth the pain.

~all that glitters is... not always gold~

The L Word

Over used and abused. That which should mean the world, is freely shared with the world. An open threat, sent but never delivered.
A promise in a word no longer meant. A spoken passion overshadowed in the world's corruption. The dream of a young girl, perverted by the lost.
Their search for truth lead them here, but they took it and defaced it. Their truth is false, and they remain lost. Ignorance fails to bring bliss, for bliss is found in validity.
You run from the truth, and throw the word around to distract us. A camouflage more effective by the day. Live on in your masquerade, but know the veil will fade in time, and all that will remain is the truth in a word you fail to accept.

~refuse to be enlisted~

Not Alone in Our Foolish State

Eyes are focused and directed
Minds are buzzing with wonderment
Looks of disbelief are shared
A wave of simulated encouragement

I don't notice
nor do I care

My senses are overwhelmed from you
Your hand in mine stupefies
Your voice in my ear electrifies
Your scent charms my very essence
The taste of your kiss presides over all
All the while, your eyes smile back


~no one likes to be alone~