7 times 7

Eric Church has this song called "Those I've Loved" and the chorus goes:

And I hope they know

I never woulda made it this far on my own
Where would we all be without those
Fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers
The friends I’ve made, the long lost lovers
I wouldn’t be who I am today
If not for those I’ve loved along the way
Along the way

Now I see great truth in this. Much of who we are today has been developed from the people and experiences of our past. While I always try to use these experiences to better myself and learn, there are certain things, or people that I would change if I could.

Does that make me a bad person?

I mean, I'm not living in constant regret, but that doesn't mean I don't wish I did things differently, or certain situation turned out differently.

Most of this is in retrospect, but even at the time I had the thoughts "why am I doing this" and now I'm just wishing I'd listened to myself.

The worst part is, that they caused pain to others... and that's my biggest regret.

~sorry isn't always enough~

a spur of the moment decision

unaware and oblivious, i forgot to consider this.

i spoke too soon, and said too much. typical girl- letting my emotions get the best of me. next time i'll keep it to myself, my lips are sealed, and my emotions under-wrap.

all you'll see, is what i allow for. weakness is a risk i can no longer take.

stand strong against the world, and by world i mean the opposite sex. their intentions are skewed, and minds distracted- living in a world of delusions. that which is relative to females, prevails concretely in the male's mind.

beware of the signs. sharp declines and avoidance of reasons point down a different path. we wonder to what end this will go, and if our minds are aligned.

so take what you can, and believe what you want. but reality does exist, and you are missing.

~no complaints~

a Haiku series

you smile at me

my insides tangle up

but i smile back

i see it in you

my smile ties you in knots too

we are both knotty

looped-up in feelings

an entanglement of two

too much to handle?

~an english lesson in counting~

echoes fade

an intended path can be unrecognizable following one wrong turn. the aspired end clear in your mind fades. the old exchanged for new.

the new, despite having ceased to exist prior to this moment, overwhelms all. now a new end. a preoccupation to heal all else, giving order and truth.

the initial goal forgotten, existing only as intended footprints.

navigational maps imparted to redirect, recalculate the wrong turn and restore to original path. yet doubt of success or truth established in earlier objective in turn allows for my recalculation.

must original plan trump the unforeseen revelation?

are not plans designed to be infringed?

the old has been examined in excess and is no longer comprised of appeal. instead it reeks of repetition.

establish a life free of echoes, but abounding in lure.

be open to change, embrace the unexpected.

~blindfold and spin me towards life~

sweeter with time

and so it goes, from nothing it spurts

a semblance of the once was blotting the pages.

i look back, and proceed forward

the fresh paths entice me

my smile widens.

life that was can stop there

so much more awaits

with time and opportunity for new

two hands grasp tight and take a chance

just wait!

memories survive only as lessons

and food for thought

as our journey wares on

side by side we strive for more

i want this.

wait, and live, and love

some dreams are meant to have

with time enough to ponder

and hold on to through twists and turns

and still endure.

hold tight long enough for it to matter

~a surprise path~

consume me

puppies are like children, you spend enormous amounts of money on the best and newest toys, when all they really need is a stick (or in the case of our puppy, a pine cone and a blowing leaf) and attention.

our world has their priorities mixed up. If we weren't always so concerned about the newest gadgets, we wouldn't have to spend most of our lives working in order to purchase them. Besides, they cost so much that even after you've bought them, you can't afford to stay at home and use them!

~it's a nasty cycle of pain~