A Lacking World

The world is in constant motion, as are our lives, our relationships and our hearts. There are times when you think you understand, but then you are hit with reality.

I find it hard to take, sometimes I feel like I could break
And I hope you hear my prayer tonight


Friends are in constant flux along with you, or so it is often believed. Support, sharing, love, confidence, forgiveness... only a few of such pleasures you can benefit from such synchronization...
But without trust, can all this be possible?

Don't talk if you aren't gonna tell me the truth
Don't tell me you know and you've got everything under control
We can't have it all, but we can break the fall
This time I'm letting go, 'cause I can't take it anymore


I used to consider the prospect of being lonely and crowded simultaneously, and I've discovered it's extremely probable. Without a firm foundation of trust, good company is rare.

It was never my choice to feel all alone
This is my home
Back up, you don't know if you've never been here,
You've never been to the place inside


Welcome to a world of fears, broken dreams and a lack of morals, where everything goes and a conscience exists only in the world of losers.


~It's so hard when you're a loser~

A Place to Call my Own

A room all to myself, with no one to kick me out.
A bathroom to myself, with hair that belongs only to me.
REAL food!
A vehicle that is not only available once in a while and will take me where it is I truly need to go!

A blessing in disguise?

I realized today that my time at home will be brief. Time to spend with friends and family quickly passes as my trip to Cuba nears. Today marks 12 days until my trip, however, due to the 3 days I will be spending at Winter Camp, my time at home lessens.
This doesn't bother me to any great extent, as I have discovered that those who once wanted to spend time with me (and I with them), have found bigger and better things. Things change, as do people, it is a part of living and growing. Sure it hurts, but I've found that by distancing yourself from people before reaching this point of breaking... helps to numb the pain.
Of course this proves to be a difficult task when it is someone you love.



Cuba will be an adventure, new people (other than my 16 extra family members), new sites and new experiences. It is times like these I feel as if i am destined to live the life of a gypsy, continual traveling with little contact with people other than the casual greeting. Would life be any better?

~'I cannot think well of a man who sports with any woman's feelings'~

Tortured, Tangled Hearts

Oh love, oh love you fickle thing
Such pretty words and golden rings
It was a broken dream right from the start
Bless their tortured, tangled hearts



Drama around here is comparable to high school and T.V. (but without the cheating and the casual sex... that I'm aware of) drama.
"So and so are dating..."; "She likes him", "So and so are engaged"; "They cheated in the elections and nonetheless have been granted the position"; "So and so went across the country to captivate his true love's heart"; "They are all dying due to the lack of nourishment received from the cafeteria 'food'"



Well a blast of confusion coupled with delusion
Makes the best made plans sometimes fail
They wined and they dined, had peace of mind



So many hormones and ideas are being tossed around causing vast confusion among the residents. While some are [finally] seeing clearly, others are becoming increasingly disorientated.
One would think that simply stated words could clear up such mayhem... but when words are working contrary to the actions, no simple conclusion is possible.



But the mighty cloud of destiny came driftin' through the gates
And busted up what could have been a perfect, hopeless case



Is it possible for one to feel one thing in their mind and the complete opposite in their heart? And if so, which is the right feeling? Such events are common during these times.

While some people are ready to 'take the plunge', others are slipping in slowly and still others are too afraid to dip their toes in. None of these are superior methods to the others, but you can't help but compare your situation to those around you... which never turns out well
Why must we instinctively compare everything and everyone around us to our standards. We live in a world of judgments which lead to nothing but further confusion and uncertainty.



~down on its knees true love did fall~

"I'll Keep You My Dirty Little Secret"

I love literature of all kinds... and lately, lyrics have been at the top of my favourite kinds of literature.

At times, it seems almost as if you are the subject of their words...

~Punk Rock Princess~
Maybe when I'm done with thinking,
Maybe you can think me whole.
Maybe when I'm done with endings
This can begin, this can begin
This can begin.


And other times you are inspired but what others have learned and are now passing on to the world...

~I Hope You Dance~
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance


And other times, when reading these words, you are reminded of amazing things, that at times seem so far off and almost fake...

~I can only Imagine~
I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

Writing of any kind has a uniqueness to it that influences me in so many ways, and at times it makes me wish that i lived in the world of fiction... like my very own fairy tale.


~there is only one place where you can dream as big as the sky~

Tis the Season

Now that it is December, the media has begun to impress upon the urgencies of completing our Christmas shopping. Radio stations, malls, movies, tv etc. have commenced the continual Christmas music, Seasonal Greetings and reminders of how many shopping days remain... dun dun dun

I went to the mall today and shopped for nearly 3 hours... but to no avail! It seems that our material-loving world is gaining nothing by its over produce of objects, and to top it all off, as the prices grow, the quality diminishes! Our world is becoming trash, and they are forcing us to pay extra for it!

Once in a while, however, you are fortunate to formulate a special gift idea in your mind... but once you begin making it happen you discover that there is a flaw in your plans... it is nearly impossible to create something wonderful out of a trash-world. Oh the irony...


~why change something that was already so good?~

For All those Who "Knew it..."

Think back to all those things that you've had to wait for. Imagine if you had given up- you may never have experienced that desire being fulfilled!

Searching/waiting is an important part of reaching your ultimate goal. While the treasure at the end of the course is what you have fixed your eyes on, it is not nearly as enjoyable if it is reached within the first moments of the search commencing. The period of anticipation only makes the enthusiasm grow, ultimately making that end satisfaction that much better.

Some give up, but some persist... and those are the ones that reach their goal- those are the ones that ones who's patience is rewarded.
(but to some of you, I'm afraid to report that there are exceptions- somethings are just never meant to be)



Waitin' On A Woman - Brad Paisley

Sittin' on a bench at West Town Mall
He sat down in his overalls and asked me
You waitin' on a woman
I nodded yeah and said how 'bout you
He said son since nineteen fifty-two I've been
Waitin' on a woman

When I picked her up for our first date
I told her I'd be there at eight
And she came down the stairs at eight-thirty
She said I'm sorry that I took so long
Didn't like a thing that I tried on
But let me tell you son she sure looked pretty
Yeah she'll take her time but I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

He said the wedding took a year to plan
You talk about an anxious man, I was nervous
Waitin' on a woman
And then he nudged my arm like old men do
And said, I'll say this about the honeymoon, it was worth it
Waitin' on a woman

And I don't guess we've been anywhere
She hasn't made us late I swear
Sometimes she does it just 'cause she can do it
Boy it's just a fact of life
It'll be the same with your young wife
Might as well go on and get used to it
She'll take her time 'cause you don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

I've read somewhere statistics show
The man's always the first to go
And that makes sense 'cause I know she won't be ready
So when it finally comes my time
And I get to the other side
I'll find myself a bench, if they've got any
I hope she takes her time, 'cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

Honey, take your time, cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman



~Always Late, but worth the Wait~

Anonymously Written

I can't even begin to describe what it feels like to finally be done my last paper of the semester. It seemed like it was just a constant flow of essays, with continuous Spanish exams, tests and quizzes, and once in a while a religion paper and exam tossed in for extra flavour.

Now, with a week and a half before finals begin, I'm given the chance to relax. But with relaxing comes wondering thoughts, confusion and friends who make you figure things out. It's just too bad that these thoughts had to come my way at a time I would have much rather been sleeping.

However, there is an upside to late-night/early-morning discussions . . . but those positive details seem to have escaped me for the moment (I suppose that'll happen when you are working off only 4 hours of sleep)

Last night, while listening to my trusty All-American Rejects station on Pandora, there were certain songs that spoke to me. The things they were saying, it was almost as if they were in front me, singing their songs, as if they had been written for me, for this exact moment in time.

Crazy how those things happen eh.

I tried to search for the lyrics to these songs to share with you, but the internet has failed me! *gasp*
But feel free to search on your own
- Each Other's Arm by:None Other
- You were the one by Stereo

~taking the leap, hand in hand~

And I got it from Alyson :)

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...


OPENING CREDITS: Your Song (Moulin Rouge: Ewan McGregor)

WAKING UP: Elephant Love Medley (Moulin Rouge: Ewan McGregor & Nicole Kidman) I swear it is on shuffle!

FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL: Come Back to Texas (Bowling for Soup)

FALLING IN LOVE: Wipe Out (Beach Boys)

FIGHT SONG: #41 (Dave Matthews Band)

BREAKING UP: Just Tonight (Jimmy Eat World)

FORMAL: Mama Mia (Abba)

FINAL BATTLE: Beautiful (Audio Adrenaline)

DEATH SCENE: Spill the Wine (Eric Burdon & War)

FUNERAL: Golden Years (David Bowie)

END CREDITS: Welcome Home (Shaun Groves)



~by the power of procrastination vested in me~

Secrets are meant to be Kept by Both parties...

It's not that I am not excited, and it's not that I don't approve . . . I'm just in shock!

Well, shock may be an understatement . . . But since I am currently suffering from writers block (which I must say is doing wonders for my essay writing. . .), the proper words for my current condition escapes me.

I still don't think it has really sunk in . . . though that may be partially due to my uncertainty on what this all entails. Sure an engagement includes a ring, a date, a big white dress, a church, guests, a wedding party, another ring, a honeymoon etc. . . . But the whole "...through sickness and health ... as long as you both shall live!" that's big- real big! Exceptionally big- but exciting!

I try to put myself in your shoes . . . But seeing as I am single and scared of commitment . . . I fail.

All the best to you two! I love you and I can't wait to help with planning . . .!


~August suddenly seems much sooner~

Once Upon A Time . . .

At a young age, girls are given the [false] hope of a future day when Prince Charming is to appear- gallant, powerful and sweet- high upon his white stallion. Then, they will be swept off their feet and carried off into the distant land of Happily Ever After. They dream of their Mr. Perfect, but realize- once they've entered the real world- that all their dreams may have been in vain . . .



You hate men is what you say and I understand how you feel that way
All girls dream of a fairy tale
But what you've got's like a used car salesman
Trying to conceal what's wrong behind a smile and the song
And I'm not saying that boys are not like that
But I think you should know (you should)
That some of us will grow
(Princes and Frogs, Superchick)



There are, however, exceptions to every rule . . . for rules are meant to be broken! But how are they to know which are the exceptions: the epitome of scum and typical guy; no where near the Prince Charming standard planted deep in their hearts and mind?!



These misleading visions remind me of Faith Hill's lyrics in "This Kiss",
...How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I’m forever yours
It all seems so simple but perfect . . . so how does it end up so utterly destroyed?

One answer may be the false belief of perfection (in men anyway)

see for yourself

~so much for my happy ending~

n.d.a.R.o.m

Having to listen to the repetitive rain tape is enough at night- there is NO need to stretch it into the day as well.

I need headphones that block out the sound around me better or else it defeats the purpose I use them for.

I have a great desire to go CD shopping, but for that money is needed.

Tomorrow I head off to Vancouver where I will meet my parents then head to Vancouver Island to meet up with some friends. My first time leaving campus for more then a few hours in ages!

What is the importance of Spanish class? It is not as if I'm actually going to remember any of it the moment I've written that final exam (which isn't even until the end of NEXT semester . . . what did I do to deserve a full year language course?!)

Sitting here listening to my dear friend struggling with her stats lab- my heart goes out to her . . . how I wish I could help

It is extremely challenging to write a 2000 word essay on a Shakespearian play when you are suffering from serious ADD.

Yesterday a group of girls were crowded around a catalog of engagement rings (why our dorm receives these in the mail is beyond me) and I've fallen into the obsession as well, except I found mine on the internet, check it out!

my ring

One month yesterday is when I go home for Christmas. I can't believe this semester is nearly done! But I get to see my family!

Did you know it is only 238 days till Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix movie comes out?! I wish that the seventh book would come out soon . . .

~there is another fool like me?!~

Maybe school is good for something after all

I've come to school to learn, and learn I do.

On Saturday night a friend of mine (a music major) informed me of the once existing H key. I know you are more than likely thinking you are so gullible and at first I thought that too, but he has assured me that he was not lying. And I trust that- *gasp* trust- is there something wrong with me?!

On Monday night it was discovered that there is infact a difference between a single and a double shot . . . Especially in a not-so-large-sized-mug of hot chocolate! Oh, but it was quite tasty, after you became accustomed to the smell of toothpaste!
And playing Mafia- awesome fun! except when your fellow partner in crime turns on you!
Maybe I shouldn't be trusting his stories of H keys *ponders* . . .

Oh, I also made a home made checkers board! And we used magnets as the pieces . . . The different colours confused me and I'm out of practice. Though I doubt that I could win even if I played all the time . . . Silly people and their crazy high IQ's, it's not fair!

~every day a little less ignorant~

It's So Hard

Excerpts from the Dixie Chicks' So Hard

And sometimes I don't have the energy
To prove everybody wrong
And I try my best to be strong
But you know it's so hard
It's so hard

And I'd feel so guilty
If that was a gift I couldn't give
And could you be happy
If life wasn't how we pictured it

And sometimes I just want to wait it out
To prove everybody wrong
And I need your help to move on
Cause you know it's so hard
It's so hard

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~


Sometimes things happen in life that make us question God and His perfect plan. You think that maybe there has been a mistake- that this wasn't supposed to happen!
But God doesn't make mistakes.
When difficult times come along you may feel abandoned by God as well as the world. But just like in poem Footprints, it is these times that God carries us.


Ever get to a point in life when the road divides into about six different paths- all of which have their perks and drawbacks- but you are unsure of which way you are supposed to go, or if you are even supposed to go anywhere?!


~it's so hard when it doesn't come easy~

Oh the Mind of Me

Imagine this . . .


You are seated all alone at a table when suddenly six cakes appear before you. They are situated just beyond arms reach. Your mouth falls open in awe. It is explained to you that these are not ordinary cakes. These are professionally made cakes, prepared especially for you. Each is made with the finest chocolates and each very unique to the others.

Obviously you would be delighted beyond understanding! (or perhaps that is just me, but envision yourself feeling the same way for the sake of my imagination)

Then the voice (no one else is present in the room with you, and the voice seems to be coming from all directions) continues on saying that you must choose only ONE of these cakes for yourself.

You blink suddenly, cocking your head to one side as if to listen to these words at a new angle, hoping this would change their meaning. Only one? You wonder if that is even possible, and if so, WHY?!
You may ask If each is made especially for me, why must I choose only one? Which is a completely reasonable question! (for I myself have asked the same question, and I like to think I am reasonable) But one that is not answered, instead the voice continues to say that you must choose one.

You begin scanning the cakes. With each look your mouth begins to salivate more intensely, and your stomach growls with more force than ever before! (at first it tricks you into believing that it is not your stomach at all, but rather your cell phone vibrating due to an incoming call or text message)

You ask the voice whether you can have a small slice of each instead, or perhaps to aid in the decision. But your request is denied and once again you are reminded that you must choose only one.
You attempt to reach for one of the cakes but you are unable to lift your body from the chair and the cakes remain just beyond arms reach.

What would you do?
Would you be able to make a decision? And if you did, would you wonder if perhaps you made the wrong one and that a different one would have tasted better . . .?
Or would you sit there- your neck sore from the constant scanning of the six cakes- going crazy! You are unable to sleep- in fear that it is all a dream and when you wake they will no longer be there- and your lack of sleep and the stress of such an extreme decision is driving you to the brink of insanity!


Just something to think about on a hungry day.


~long since passed that brink of insanity~

With hospitals come Straws

Today as I sit here comfortable (to an extend- as being squashed into my little corner can get crampy), relaxed (when I force my brain to wonder from the numerous things I must accomplish in the next few days), fully clothed (with extra blankets and such) and warm (my room is anything but warm, but I would consider it only to be a small cooler, and we all know there are many things colder than that!) I think and pray for those in worse off situations, especially today, for my dear sister.

At this very moment she is lying in a hospital bed wearing nothing but a hospital robe, with an old- freaky sounding, according to what I've been told- doctor hunched over her attacking her with all sorts of sizes and shapes of equipment! Thankfully she is drugged and, if all goes according to plan, will have no recollection of today's events.
However, if today's events consisted of an attractive, kind, young, male nurse . . . she may want to remember what occurred. Or perhaps it is not a young nurse but instead an older doctor who does not often show kindness but cynicism, who walks with a cane and who's name happens to be Gregory House! Though I suppose that would be nearly impossible since he was arrested last night!

So I dedicate this to her and all her probable discomfort today and for a number of days to come. It is nothing of serious issues that this operation is for, and it is believed she will walk away from it a better person (appearance wise if nothing else).
And to her when she reads this, just remember the good things that can come from drinking everything with a straw

~the cutest boy I ever say was sipping soda from a straw . . . I asked him if he'd teach me how to sip my soda from a straw . . .~

No Michael Buble :(

So last night our dorm activity was learning the basic steps used in ballroom dancing. I signed up to attend for the sole reason that this would be the introduction of the chocolate fountain and it seemed only fit that I were in attendance for such a celebration. The dancing, to me, was merely a method of wearing off the calories we would be consuming.
(though while dancing, one of my partners informed me that in order to wear of the energy one Smarty gives you, you'd have to walk around a football field twice- that is a lot of dancing! Darn science students)

However before the night began I was informed- first be an inside source and then later by the white board- that it was to be a black and white affair. *gag* I was not impressed! And furthermore, I did not have any black bottoms and white tops (my mother practically disallows my dressing in white due to my inevitable fate of staining it) here at school. One of my dear R.A.'s was kind enough to lend me a white top (even though I told her "me, white and chocolate do not mix") and gave me permission to wear my jeans :)

So I arrived at the dance with the intentions of eating tons of chocolate and then excusing myself before the dancing had begun. However I got dragged into it and soon found myself actually enjoying myself! Who knew that dancing could be fun!
And the chocolate was not disappointing either! :)






And for those of you who wish to see additional photo's of the night you can visit this blog below as you can always count on him to post and take more photos than I.

The Anguish of Words

And thanks to all those who were patient with my two left feet!


~I wish to live in the days of ballroom dancing, dance cards and no hip-hop~

Another Block on the Tower of Problems

In an early comment a friend asked me "what are you passionate about?"

And I stopped- what am I passionate about. I thought about it for quite some time, but nothing came. I decided to turn to the dictionary for assistance.

Passion: adj. strong and barely controllable emotion

Emotion is something that I don't show often, and if I do it's to an extreme.
But being passionate about something is not a feeling I believe I've felt. Sure there are things that I enjoy, but those feelings depend on my mood. There is nothing (well, other than chocolate) that I delight in unceasingly.

Is there something wrong with me?

-?Powerless for Passion?-

Not just because I wrote one about my Sisters

My brother is one of the coolest kids I know.

He is 7 years and 20 days younger than I. And I still recall the day he was born! Only weeks before I had made a wish on a 'magic friendship bracelet' that the baby in my mother's stomach would be a boy! (so everyone can thank me for the joy he brings)

One of the things I like most about him is that he truly does not care what other people think of him (which at his age is a big thing). He is involved in everything from Hockey to Youth Group to the Chess Club! (The whole chess club thing surprised me too, I just found out about that this afternoon!)

He is
brave -he's already transferred schools 3 times- where I was afraid of going to high school when all my friends were coming with me!
intelligent -he can kick my butt at any math question and he is in the chess club
loving -you should see him playing with younger children- he'll make a great babysitter one day
creative -he's invented some the most inovative games I have ever tried to comprehend
entertaining -I've had friends ask if they could rent him for entertainment
. . . the list could continue on for ages but I realize that you all probably don't want to hear me ramble on about my brother.

But I know you all want to meet him!

~sometimes having a brother is even better then having a superhero~

Sisters

I am the eldest of four children. Three of us being girls, and than the fortunate youngest- the boy!
Being away at university- nearly 20 hours from home- provides little time to spend with my family, it is tough, but we get by with emails, phone calls and the great technology of MSN.

Today I was blessed to have received an email from one sister and share some quick words on msn with the other.

The email was genius (I really wonder where my dear sisters learned such writing skills!) and insightful! For my sister- a large supporter of anti-boy views- has given me relationship advice. Where did she learn it you may ask- from a book of course, where else! She said :
I've figure you out. Your not afraid of commitment you are just afraid of being trapped in the relationship. You want freedom and relationship together. And every guy you've liked and went out with kept trying to get a big commitment out of you so you felt trapped. So you pulled away a little to see if you had any freedom left and they chased you harder. You just have to find some one who gives you space when you pull away that will let you know that you still have freedom and then be like but why isn't he trying to get me back and you'll start wanting a commitment from him. See all problems solved.

For now I remain impartial to such advice, but it is an interesting concept.

As for my other dear sister, I have not received an email from her in a while, but she still cheers me up when ever I talk with her. This is what the end of our conversation resembled this evening :

HER:?
alright, much love to you too dearling, rock edmonton to shreds love you bunny!!!!?
?
?ME:?
lol . . . bunny?
?
?HER:?
that's right, it's a compliment too
?

My love for them grows each day, as does my yearning for them.


~I pity those without sisters, for who than can make you laugh and cry at the same time ~

"I've got you Under my Spell"

It saddens me to hear of people who cannot appreciate what country (or any other genre which they haven't given a fair chance) music has to offer. They judge it by a few songs they've heard and assume they are all equivalent to that. I do not feel I pressure others to listen to my music, but I do delight in sharing with them quality country music.

My family was my first victim! They were not aficionado in the slightest, but through my eager persuasions they found a new appreciation for it, and for now, that is all I can ask. And it always makes my day to hear that they are listening to my music at home and thinking about me!
SUCCESS

Last year, as school commenced, my roommate told me of her disfavour with some of my style of music. Slowly I presented my favourites, and, when there were no complaints, I continued to introduce more and more, until one day she admitted she quite enjoyed country!
SUCCESS!

More success came when a good friend of mine bought his very own country CD, without even my knowledge!
SUCCESS!

Next, a dear friend of mine, openly revealed his feelings for the Dixie Chicks and their music when he first played the CD I made for him in his care with his male friends AND sang along. Then when he joined me in my adventure to the Dixie Chicks' concert this summer! He was equally as excited as I was to be experiencing such an amazing band first hand!
SUCCESS


Most recently my dear might-as-well-be roommate came to me wanting to borrow some good music. Moments later I heard Dixie Chicks blaring from across the hall.
SUCCESS

What I like to see :) Welcome to the dark side!


~ sometime I surprise myself at how manipulative I can be ~
*wink*

What's the Delay?!

Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified;
do not be discouraged,
for the LORD your God will
be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

Life is full of twists and turns. No matter where you go or who you are with- there are going to be times that you loath the situation you are in.


So here I am school. Second year of university. Why am I here? That's a good question, one that I can only answer with, "God only knows". I have no idea what I want to do with me future . . . well, there is none that I feel passionately about. And I am still searching frantically for that God-given-talent that, as a child, we are all told we have.
I've seen people who's talent is public speaking.
People who's talent is music.
People who's talent is caring and loving, patience and support.
There are people who seem to have a God-given-talent in everything they do!
It is frustrating sometimes. And I can't help be envious of those people. I know that God will reveal his plan for me in his perfect time . . . but I'm not a patient girl!


~...those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength...~

"Lord, what fools these mortals be!" -Puck

This morning, as I was preparing for my day, I had this sudden sense that I was somehow taller today than yesterday. Could it be . . . Is it possible?!
I examined myself in the mirror. I appeared taller than I recalled! A smile materialized upon my face- it had been a dream of mine to grow ever since my youngest sister had passed me in height! Then my eyes fell to the bottom of my pants where they were cuffed, in the same place they always had been. And they weren't too short. :(
My senses had once again fooled me!
(doesn't it feel good to be a fool)


As I was seated here this afternoon, working on an essay, the song "Getting There" by Terri Clark began to play on Pandora. These lyrics caught my attention :
You want an answer as soon as you say a prayer
You want to land the moment you're in the air
Baby the living is all in the Getting There

It's true you know . . . I'm often guilty of it myself- wanting so much for the answer or the end to come that I want to skip the process of achieving those things. But the 'getting there' is the joys, the cries, the ups and the downs, the memories that make life.

~be a fool- live your life!~

this is what happens when you go to the bathroom

this is fun...ha ha ha GO DUCKS GO

Guidance

'So it was not you who sent me here, but God' (Genesis. 45:8)
God's plan is far beyond us- we are taken and used, like Joseph.

'Be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God - what is good and acceptable and perfect' (Romans 12:2)
Prayer is a way that God guides us. Just be close to Him, open your heart, your soul and your mind to what he has to say.

'If we live by the Spirit, let us also be guided by the Spirit' (Galatians 5:25)
Let us walk and move in the grace of God, doing all things for and with Him.

'And all this works together for our good and his good, and the good of others' (Romans 8:28).
Every situation that we find ourselves in, whether it be good or bad, painful or joyful, will somehow, in some way, work out to be His perfect plan, and ultimately bring glory to God.


Everyone goes through rough times, or find ourselves in tough situations where we are stumped, and have no idea what to do. You may think that one way is better than the other . . . but the constant haze in your mind is no help.
Praying for guidance seems to be getting old. You know that God answers all prayers in his perfect time . . .
Sometimes, i feel like there is no time left, and i wonder "did i miss God's guidance?"


-stop looking for something that's been right in front of you all along-

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Fear (n) - an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

Fear (v) - be afraid of something or someone as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.

Fear is a perfectly natural part of life. Everyone, at some point in their life has felt fear.
There are also some people who's fears surpass the average and become phobias.
But I wonder, at what point is it considered a phobia?

As for me, two of my greatest fears are public speaking and commitment.
When either of these are mentioned when referring to me, I become uneasy. I begin to shake, my throat contrasts and my breathing becomes raspy, I get an upset stomach and I feel as if I could easily slip out of consciousness.
I am like the 'stereotypical guy'- runs at the first sign of commitment and/or marriage!

Experts say the only way to over come ones fears is to face it. Just thinking about that begins this whole process over again.
To face these fears- would that mean I would have to place myself in a relationship requiring great commitment?
Must I deliver a speech to a large crowd?

Is there no other way to conquer fears?

~ignorance is slowly becoming my best policy~