Games of Self Respect

(I wish I knew music... cause in my mind this was a song)

There was passion,

strong and uncontrolled

emanating from our bodies

pulsating through a room

Kiss me hard, strong and true

it could’ve been forever

but more than love got in our way

my hand was not the only thing

you needed to hold

But there was passion,

strong and uncontrolled

emanating from our bodies

pulsating through a room

Kiss me harder, strong and true

I required more than that kiss

it thrilled but did not fulfill

devotion was found only in words

but your actions screamed

But oh was there passion,

strong and uncontrolled

emanating from our bodies

pulsating through a room

Kiss me hard, Kiss me strong, Kiss me true

They’ll thought we’d work it out

find a way to see it through

as if a cat can change it’s coat

and hunt something new

Cause we had passion,

strong and uncontrolled

emanating from our bodies

pulsating through a room

Kiss me hard, strong and true

I told you how I wanted it

Gave you time to tell me too

I was sick of games of chance

I just wanted you.

A sure thing I did not find

at least not with you

your silence was the loudest of all

your answer was clear and loud

There once was passion,

strong and uncontrolled

emanating from our bodies

pulsating through a room

but now there’s no more kisses, we weren’t true

~they're on my side~

She Lay Forgotten

Even flowers flutter in the wind

their stalks bend to the power,

all in a trembling voice.

They shimmer in the sun

warm to the touch and hot to the hand

valued above others.

Here I lie alone

no body, nor son to warm me

his words lost in the silence

as admiration dwindles and falls.

Here she lay forgotten.

Sand cradled and embraced repeatedly

the waves transform each bit

as his charge overpowers,

alters the smallest of cares

generating that worth viewing

and beyond so, wooing

Yet here I lie alone

still no body, nor wave to lap me

the words falter through distance

their admiration dwindles and fails.

Here she lay forgotten.

Creatures sheltered from the elements

trees, ground and rock envelop them

life and health dependent.

Every fancy fulfilled

resulting in a lavish beauty

Cherished and protected.

And here I lay alone

no body, or words to warm me

as the span greatens

the admiration subsides.

How long will she lay forgotten?

~But I tell you that even Solomon with his riches was not dressed as beautifully as one of these flowers [Matthew 6:29]~

Your Love Does Not Keep Me Afloat

Your words echo in my heart
they resonate in my mind.
The voices all scream out
and pull me to the past.

I need to escape the waves
continuously lapping my heart.
They pull me under
and the tide whips me around.

I search for the land
my lighthouse to guide me back-
pull me to safety
rescue me from these waters.

The dangers draw near
an attack from all sides
as I gasp for air
I can't help but smile.

Your affections misguide me
I require more than words.
You lack devotion
you have no anchor to hold me down.

I urge you to retain your love
await one who is free to accept.
For mine has been offered
and accepted without suppression.

More than I ever received from any of you.


~board the ship and sail away~

3 + 1 = Us

I feel as if I can relate well to Jess from New Girl as of late. I have recently moved into a duplex with 3 boys. I say boys despite their ages (mid to late 20s). They have moments of brilliance, maturity, and compassion, but in reality, they are boys in men's bodies.
Life for boys consist of food (mostly fast or previously prepared) and the couch. What takes place on the couch involves food, or remotes and often blankets.
Other than the mountains of boxes piled in our rec room downstairs, I don't have any real complaints as of yet. It'll definitely be a learning experience for me... I'm not accustomed to living with boys (my brother doesn't count).

~You can run away from your problem, but you're just gonna find new ones that pop up~

Dirty Popsicle

It has never been my intention to seduce. They are not my type, nor I theirs. Our affair would be short and bitter (lacking much sweet). Not to mention, he'd not be happy.
It is him that is the catalyst for these non-seductions.

They never understood his affection toward me. What was I in their eyes but the quiet prig focused on controlling his thoughts and moves. This, however, was never the case. It was my diffidence that led them to this believe. This now is what I strive to mend.

As I declared earlier, seduction was never my goal. Instead I aspired to ignite an interest; to create a spark that defines me as more than the insipid ball and chain. Open your mind and see that I can be funny, sexy, wild, and spontaneous.

Beyond an open mind, I was not prepared for the ramifications of my actions.

~A strange and unprecedented desire to justify his feelings for me~

Take Me, Inside The Words

We all retain- whether publicly or not- a venue of interest. A site, in the depths of our mind, where our thoughts and fantasies reside. There, exists a spring of unending whims. The purpose of this source differs from person to person. As does its authority.
For me, my mind, heart, and soul is refreshed within the confines of literature. Words that long preexist me, and so will prevail. Stories of love, passion, courage, and fear. Words webbed together in a genuine form of beauty. Artists whom I admire and envy above all else.
To be surrounded by so many worlds, characters, dreams, and desires does little but fuel me. Fuel me for life, love, and purpose. No matter the affair at hand, I draw my stimulus from these things.

And so, with a refuge such as this, is it unnatural to yearn for my own passion among the immortal? To somehow, if only in my insignificant form, join in on their pleasure for a short time. It is not to slight the masters that I hunger for this, but to honour them.

~words become meaningful when bound~

Turning On the Waterworks

I have never been one to shed a lot of tears. Other than books and movies, few things fazed me. Now don't take this the wrong way, I cried when my grandparents died, and when me father got sick. But that was the extent of it.

This all changed about a year ago. I can't give you an exact date, but I often associate it with the start of Mason's and my relationship. Now this sounds bad, and Mason hates that I make that link, for some reason though, it just made sense. It wasn't that he was mean to me, abused me, or in anyway attempted to make me cry. It would just happen.

Tonight, after a number of defiant weeping episodes, I may have finally come up with a basis for this [emotional] madness.


When I read, or watch a movie, I get attached to the characters. There are times after a movie, that I find myself behaving like a character from it, reenacting certain scenes. And you saw from my early post how my books can take hold of my mind. It is for this reason that books and movies caused me to shed tears. To me, they weren't just a form of entertainment. I was invested in the characters, and their lives. So when one died, or had their heart broken, or some other dramatic event, I felt their pain as well.
I can be an extremely empathetic person.

Since Mason entered my life, my emotions seem to have gone haywire. Tonight, I think I have discovered the reason for this- emotional investment.
I've always been a guarded person, but he broke down my boundaries and has released the teary beast!

Thankfully, he is patient, and only teases me slightly for the seemingly pointless grounds for my tears.

~Kill the Beast! Kill the Beast!~

So They Say

They say a guy that treats you well, 
and the waitress poorly, 
is not a good guy. 

If you want to know how he is going to treat you in 10 or 20 years,

look at how he treats his mother. 

Of course there are always exceptions. 

But these are good rules of thumb. 

Be aware of how he treats others, as well as you. 

For more, I found this site. 

~Don't let your love be blind~

On My Lips

A song which I understand. The message and the reason is clear. 

It makes me smile.

It makes me dance. 

It gives me shivers. 

~Just Like You~

Be My Valentine

Here's a quick *share* from me to you. I have attached a picture of the beautiful Valentine I got this year- from my boyfriend's parents. The only one. (Other than from my students.) Isn't life funny. 

~oops! forgot to smile~

1 Year... And Counting

It's been 1 year ago today since my boyfriend's and my first date. However, we do not consider this our anniversary. I guess it took us a few days to decide we liked each other enough to continue this.
I've never made it this long before- a year that is. Usually I get scared or bored with the boys I'm with. Maybe it helps this time that for the majority of the relationship we've lived at least 6 hours apart. Makes each time we see each other seem like a real novelty, and emotions are somewhat exaggerated. So can I say I have a realistic view and understanding of "us"?

~how'd we do it?~

¡Breaking News!

That which has always been rumoured, but never experienced in my life has transpired! Up until now, when a man had been told of his woman's discontent or worry, some [false] sympathy had been expressed, and a moment or two of "transformation" unfolded.  But that was the extent of it. Recently however, after informing Mason that  I was unhappy and needed a change. I was amazed to SEE that change occur- almost instantaneously.

Now I know what you sceptics are thinking- because I use to be one, so I know how you think. But it's been nearly 2 weeks, and the alterations in behaviour have been constant throughout. It was not a one time thing, but a genuine, modification.

I am baffled, overwhelmed, and sincerely impressed. Miracles really do happen!
He continues to amaze me, and for that I am grateful. I applaud his heart, commitment, and patience (mostly in dealing with my sometimes irrational fears).

~only slightly exaggerated~

Wait At Least A Year

You put us on pause to give yourself more time. But I ask, why can't it be simultaneous? Whoever said two changes, growths, or advancements can't be accomplished together. Stability is a state of mind. It need not be financial or professional. If you are ready for the next step, than surrounding factors need not interfere. The next big adventure is waiting for you at your finger tips. Stop brushing and reach out.

 

~apparently our time lines neither align, nor intertwine~

Blinders

I read this quote and thought it was cute. And true. If guys (and girls for that matter) spent their time thinking of new ways to show their significant other that they love them, then they'll have less time thinking about non-significant others. If we stop thinking about ourselves, and what would make us 'happy' and instead thought of ways to make others happy, then I think the end result would be 2 happy people.


The quote also reminded me of a song (because ultimately, almost everything in life reminds me of a song).
So here's the song, and lyrics (because to me, that's where the meaning and value lies)

While the above song is by an Andrew Allen, I see here fit to share lyrics from a song by a Kris Allen. I don't think there is any relation.

Kris says,
"We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying"

~start living in love~

It Separates the Men from the Travelers

My Kindergarten student (Kayson) came to school today, all dressed up in black slacks  and a shiny, long-sleeved, button down purple shirt. For a kid who is most commonly seen in sweatpants and an athletic shirt, this came as a bit of a shock to me.
And so I asked him, "Kayson, you look handsome today. What's the occasion?"
He looked up at me and said, "I had to wear it to show you my purple shirt."

Before Christmas, Kayson had told me he'd asked his Grandma for a purple shirt for Christmas. At the time I thought it was an odd request for a 6 year old.
Now that I see the shirt, I know it is an odd request for a 6 year old.
But man did he ever look cute!

This look, but without the pinstripes and on a 6 year old. 

In other news. 

One of my boys came to school this morning and informed me that they were leaving for Mexico tonight for a month. 

Thanks for the heads up.

~maybe I'll move to Russia~

Take My Hand

Three facebook friends have announced their engagements over the last 24 hours. It's an epidemic! Or perhaps they are influenced by the impending "end of the world." The same thing happened before and during the World Wars, and (according to Mrs. Weasley) at the height of Voldemort's power the first time around. In the face of fear and uncertainty, human beings cling to one another. It is in other's we find love and hope, and ultimately a reason for living. It is for this reason that, when faced with the possibility of death or world wide pandemonium, we seek refuge in each other. The fear or doubt that might otherwise influence, are forgotten in the surrounding unease.
I guess it takes war and bedlam for Love to become our foundation.

~Mason remains unperturbed ~

Slowly Going Crazy

After over a month apart, we will be reunited. Then for our adventure! You, me, my family, and my home town. All my favourite- crazy things -all wrapped into one. But the time is going so slow! I know it's less then a week away, but last week felt like a month. So what are these next 4 days going to feel like? And of course, once we're together, time will move at warp speed, and our 2 weeks together will be over in a blink.
It's just not fair.

COUNTDOWN CLOCKS

Good Advice

Robert Pattinson Quote : "If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads."

So This Is Love

When I saw this picture I recalled this song my sister use to sing. I wonder if anyone ever warned them of the consequences? I hope not... paranoia can keep you from experiencing so much joy. 

The cutest boy, I ever saw, was sipping soda from a straw. The cutest boy I ever saw, was sipping soda from a straw.

I asked him if he'd teach me how, to sip my soda, from a straw. I asked him if he'd teach me how, to sip my soda from a straw.

So cheek to cheek, and nose to nose, we sipped our soda from a straw. So cheek to cheek and nose to nose, we sipped our soda from a straw. 

Then suddenly, the straw did slip, we sipped our soda lip to lip. Then suddenly the straw did slip- we sipped our soda lip to lip.

That's how I got my mother in law, and 15 kids to call my 'ma'. That's how I got my mother in law, and 15 kids to call me 'ma'.

The moral of this little tail, is sip your soda from a pail. The moral of this little tail, is sip your soda from a pail.

~ewwww cooties!~

Lesson 1

It happened yesterday. It was the very end of the day- thankfully. It had been a long, though rather unproductive day of sitting in the gymnasium doing dress rehearsals of our Christmas Concert. My kids were surprisingly patient, but it wore on them, especially by the end.
The bell had just rung, and I dismissed the class. Suddenly, Abbott, one of my grade 3 boys, with the tough exterior and often "too cool for school" attitude, burst in to tears.
Thankfully most of the class had already left the classroom. I made my way over to Abbott,his head was down, wrapped in his arms. Having no idea what this was about I cautiously put my hand on his shoulder and asked him what was the matter.
Barely lifting his head, he bitterly declared, "Taban is calling me names, and making fun of me."
Taban, who was one of my other grade 3 boys, and also still in the room retorted, "No, I wasn't!"
Wanting to resolve this quickly I asked Abbott, "what exactly did he say to you to make fun of you?"
Abbott spat in disgust, "he said I was in love with you!"

I bit my tongue quickly to keep from laughing. How horrible he made it sound- to be in love with me! Or at least the thought of being in love with me!


I know that they are just children, and the very idea of love is still absolutely repellent... but perhaps this feeling isn't wholly foreign to people my age too. Not the feeling of fondness towards someone, but that weak feeling you get... when you feel lost, or forgotten when you're not with that person.
Men pride themselves in strength- physical as well as emotional. Love defies these "rules" and so when it happens, they are filled with confusion... and ultimately aversion.
If they don't admit it, they didn't commit it, and so pain and frailty can never happen.

~how I sleep at night~