"According to my Research"

I hope this isn't true, or I still have a long way to go. Though I doubt it is. In my opinion a lot of what scientists, or psychologist tell the public is just one possibility of what the "evidence" points to. It's all in how you interpret it. 

Plus, much of what our world views as love, is little more than a lust or obsession over someone... or even over a feeling. Our world sees love as a self-centered thing, what can it do for me. Love-true love-is selfless, and this in itself very un-like our world. 

~you had me at hello~

twisted

the world may always be opposed

with pretended morals, and blurred lines.
rough, seasoned hands
compel the soft and innocent.
their cry of fear taken for pleasure
in time becoming indifference.

with hands tied down
and threats thoroughly set
the choice is no longer yours.
take me now, you hear.

pushed up against the wall
bound and teased
no say in the matter
this is pleasure


~this is skewed and misleading~

In My Mind's Eye

Have you seen the movie In Time? It has a powerful message mixed within the violence and action. But ultimately, it is about a time when time is currency, and when you run out of time, you die. The rich all live in their own area with millions of years to spare, while the poor are living by the hour, working- literally- to stay alive. 
~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~    

The other night, I had a dream with a similar story line. Time was our currency, but instead of  dying when we run out of time, we are hunted for sport. Adds another element of entertainment I suppose. Mason was in my dream, and he was complaining about Time as currency- I told him that he wasn't allowed to complain, because when we watched the movie he said he liked it. 

In my dream, a friend and I were struggling. We were down to minutes and we had nothing else valuable to sell to get us more time. Somehow we ended up in some kind of a brothel. These men came in after us, and right away they hired us. 

The man who chose me, I quickly learned, had prosthetic arms. He started taking himself a part, and I was doing all I could to not be completely disgusted with what I was about to do. As I was sitting there waiting, I heard noises indicating other transactions were not being delayed as mine was. I wished to just get this over and done with so I could escape from this current hell.

Right as it was about to start, a man rushed in (who was not Mason, but whom apparently I was in a relationship with). He declared he loved me, and then proposed to me- not with a diamond, but with a huge bank of time!

I soon learned that the man with the prosthesis was in fact completely artificial! He was a robot my fiance had created to watch and protect me. 

How romantic...?

I also learned that the time given to me by my fiance was stollen from his brother, and his brother was now after us.  More action and entertainment followed as we were being chased by an angry, bitter man with hunters after him. 

My future brother in law died having jumped into a ravine following us. We were both quite devastated, but apparently he was a corrupt man, and he had what was coming to him.

~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~            ~   
Talk about a strange dream. What exactly was my mind trying to tell me in all this? Or am I silly to be searching for a message in this?


~it was more the anticipation~

Lacking pizzazz, or even just a smile

I am currently without internet and tv at my house.
Is it sad that this upsets me terribly? Have I become far to dependent on technology to entertain me and make me happy? What happened to music while cleaning, or a good book on the couch?

Oh right... my books have yet to arrive in the Dried Bean Capitol of the West. Plus I am sick of my music and have no way of purchasing more...
It might help if I had friends, or at least companions with a 1 or even 2 hour radius. But here I remain alone, with no friends- real or fake.

I don't want to say my life sucks because it could be worse. However... I'm not feeling too excited about it right now.


~just don't take my phone~

Talk About a Sick World

Yesterday we took a trip to the city. Our main purpose was to go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 but we also dropped my sister's boyfriend off at the airport. Unfortunately that's not all we saw.

Our first scaring experience of the trip was on the highway. I was lying in the back of the vehicle with my foot elevated and earphones on. I noticed we were slowing down, simultaneously the songs were switching and I heard my sister say "what is going on?"
This caught my attention and I looked up. There was a line of about 12 vehicles stopped in front of us. I casually glanced over the vehicles looking for nothing in particular. I found something very distinct, however. There, beside the car straight in front of us, was a woman crouching beside her vehicle with a man standing next to her. Not too sure what she was doing, we looked closer. We very soon regretted that, for this rather large lady was crouching, with her pants around her ankles, in order to relieve herself, leaving her corpulent, white ass pointing directly at us! Thankfully the man opened the back passenger door to attempt to hide her.
When she was done, she got back in the car and it drove away, leaving the previously mentioned man behind. This did not seem to bother the man as he went on walking from vehicle to vehicle... for what reason we know not.

Later that evening, with this painful experience still sharp in our minds, my sister and I began our return drive. On the outskirts of the city, on the divided highway, we noticed all the oncoming traffic had stopped. As we neared we saw that this delay was due to a immense flock of Canadian Geese crossing the road. Half of the Geese had already crossed and the other half were still in progress when a Jackass in a jacked-up truck left the road and drove on to the median. The pompous jerk paid no attention to propriety and nature drove around his fellow drivers and right into the crossing flock! One unfortunate bird got stuck on the underbelly of his ride and was dragged for several feet, at an unbearably fast speed, before it got free. It attempted to join his family but was unable to walk, and many of the birds came over to him.
The rest of the vehicles continued to wait.


Respect is a lost art. The world is under the perception that they are entitled to their own way with their own controls, and the rest of the world can "suck it".

~we witnessed two ugly asses in one day~

No More Expectations

My boyfriend texted  me the other day about his Friday night. As he's telling me he adds in I was a good boy too. Not sure exactly what he meant, I questioned his meaning, to which he responds Drunk blond kept trying to get me to kiss her... no dice


While I was grateful for his loyalty I questioned whether he truly thought that this was that big of a feat- is it not expected that a boy is loyal to his girlfriend, and vice-versa?
He commented that Is it really expected now-a-day. That kind of honesty is a bit of a dead art I think He went on to say It just seems everyone is more concerned on getting more notches on the belt than anything...
At first I was rather discussed with this... but then i realized how sad... and true this is.


Society today teaches us to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy, no matter that consequences!
It honestly sickens me, and makes me fear for the future... for when I have children- if it's this bad now, what will my kids be faced with in 20 years!

~Love thy neighbours as thyself~

The L Word

Over used and abused. That which should mean the world, is freely shared with the world. An open threat, sent but never delivered.
A promise in a word no longer meant. A spoken passion overshadowed in the world's corruption. The dream of a young girl, perverted by the lost.
Their search for truth lead them here, but they took it and defaced it. Their truth is false, and they remain lost. Ignorance fails to bring bliss, for bliss is found in validity.
You run from the truth, and throw the word around to distract us. A camouflage more effective by the day. Live on in your masquerade, but know the veil will fade in time, and all that will remain is the truth in a word you fail to accept.

~refuse to be enlisted~

Advice?

So there is this girl... I'll call her Kenadie, who likes Mason. She texts him all the time, always wants to hangout, and now... she wants to go watch him play soccer.
Their history as acquaintances isn't long. Kenadie is friends with the girl that Mason's best friend (we'll call him Casanova) occasionally fools around with. They went on a "double date" that wasn't even a double date because Mason was dating me, and was dragged along by Casanova.

She's aware that Mason isn't available, but isn't backing down.  I don't want to be a crazy girlfriend... but is it a bad thing that this bugs me? Should I feel threatened? Do I have a right to be upset?

Mason assures me that they're just friends, and only get together periodically to "keep in touch." It's not that I don't trust Mason... It's that I don't trust Kenadie.


~Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies (Elizabeth Bowen)~

Inner Dialogue

Yes, no... maybe?

I have always been an indecisive person. Throughout elementary school and into high school, my best friend always made my decisions for me. When she got a boyfriend, however, and our relationship began to... shift, I was forced to show some resolve. I had to make decisions.
I am not bitter about this change, I am well aware that having to make my own decisions is a vital part of growing up and ultimately living.

Today, I remain an ill-proficient decision maker. I know that many people feel that way, but I believe (and have been told) that I am worse than most.
At times it is because I honestly do not care. Other times it is because I am unsure how I feel about a situation. And other's I am afraid of the consequences.

Knowing the difference between want and need plays an important role in this. Of course this is much easier without the world's views being pushed down your throat. And their ideas been taught as best.
Peer pressure is a bitch.

~join the joyride~

it Suits you

Change does not dictate better. The altering of one's ideas or behaviour is not necessarily for the enhancement of their life. The old may excel in light of the revised. Through different eyes gleams fresh colours. And light can fade.

Walking on towards my unconventional end, envisaging a slow demise. A collapse thronged with excitement and novelty, gossip and rumours, judgement and scrutiny. But be confident, disregard the world's perception as they are governed by lust, power, and self.

Change is inevitable and constant. One day dark, another light, the next retiring from shades all together. I see nothing I require in what I fancy, and yet my resiliency falters. My sight narrows and becomes focused.

~an alteration of kind~

Ready for a Fight

The world and our culture is not concerned with true love like so many sources suggest. Sure our culture is obsessed with weddings, we have dating sites flooding the internet, and romantic comedies with all the biggest stars, but while they are feeding the romantic's heart, they are also filling the pockets of higher powers. They are exploiting our hearts for their gain. 

In the media and in hollywood we see love and relationships as disposable, on the grounds of dissatisfaction. Worth is placed not on commitment and perseverance, but on self-contenment. But can one ever be happy with something that is easy- something that required no sacrifice or fight? 

Portraying a love life of perfection rather than actuality fuels discontentment from our vulnerable -and rather naive- world.

~till death [of the honeymoon stage] do we part~