inside a blonde's mind

"According to my Research"

2012-01-22T15:58:00.000-07:00

I hope this isn't true, or I still have a long way to go. Though I doubt it is. In my opinion a lot of what scientists, or psychologist tell the public is just one possibility of what the "evidence" points to. It's all in how you interpret it.

Plus, much of what our world views as love, is little more than a lust or obsession over someone... or even over a feeling. Our world sees love as a self-centered thing, what can it do for me. Love-true love-is selfless, and this in itself very un-like our world.

~you had me at hello~

Pin It

2012-01-21T16:36:00.001-07:00

I have recently fallen prey to Pinterest. If you have not heard of it- stand strong, don't go check it out. It's addicting! So many interesting ideas, recipes, pictures, quotes... the list goes on! I've joined only days ago, and already I've collected (or in the world of Pinterest "pinned") over 100 pictures and links.
In a way, it's like window shopping, except that there's no fear of falling into actual shopping because they don't have your credit card, and you don't have friends dragging you into stores. It's merely the opportunity to collect ideas of things you like, in nearly any interest or desires.
It is an ingenious way to lead unsuspecting internet users into hours of wasted time, with little more than pictures to show for your quest.

The worst part of all is it has tempted me to explore areas, and feed my fancy on topics I should not currently be concerned with. It has enveloped my mind and seeped into my dreams! Two nights ago Mason and I were wedding planning! Dreams are evil, evil things fed by Pinterest.

~be careful what you're looking for~

A Need to Move in Forward Motion

2012-01-15T17:16:00.001-07:00

What began as an adventure has quickly spiralled into motionless realm. That which once encouraged anticipation, now generates vexation. Too many evenings of solitude tends to harden a person- occasionally to the point of desperation. 6 hours no longer seems too long for the touch of a hand that does not belong to a 6 year old.

The seemingly positive news that only 5 moths remains drives me further to the edge, rather than hearten retreat.

There is a reason, I just don't see it. And I struggle.

~stop sending the message I don't want to get~

Wait At Least A Year

2012-01-14T11:43:00.000-07:00

You put us on pause to give yourself more time. But I ask, why can't it be simultaneous? Whoever said two changes, growths, or advancements can't be accomplished together. Stability is a state of mind. It need not be financial or professional. If you are ready for the next step, than surrounding factors need not interfere. The next big adventure is waiting for you at your finger tips. Stop brushing and reach out.

~apparently our time lines neither align, nor intertwine~

Blinders

2012-01-12T02:18:00.001-07:00

I read this quote and thought it was cute. And true. If guys (and girls for that matter) spent their time thinking of new ways to show their significant other that they love them, then they'll have less time thinking about non-significant others. If we stop thinking about ourselves, and what would make us 'happy' and instead thought of ways to make others happy, then I think the end result would be 2 happy people.

The quote also reminded me of a song (because ultimately, almost everything in life reminds me of a song).
So here's the song, and lyrics (because to me, that's where the meaning and value lies)

While the above song is by an Andrew Allen, I see here fit to share lyrics from a song by a Kris Allen. I don't think there is any relation.

Kris says,
"We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying"

~start living in love~

It Separates the Men from the Travelers

2012-01-11T20:17:00.000-07:00

My Kindergarten student (Kayson) came to school today, all dressed up in black slacks and a shiny, long-sleeved, button down purple shirt. For a kid who is most commonly seen in sweatpants and an athletic shirt, this came as a bit of a shock to me.
And so I asked him, "Kayson, you look handsome today. What's the occasion?"
He looked up at me and said, "I had to wear it to show you my purple shirt."

Before Christmas, Kayson had told me he'd asked his Grandma for a purple shirt for Christmas. At the time I thought it was an odd request for a 6 year old.
Now that I see the shirt, I know it is an odd request for a 6 year old.
But man did he ever look cute!

This look, but without the pinstripes and on a 6 year old.

In other news.

One of my boys came to school this morning and informed me that they were leaving for Mexico tonight for a month.

Thanks for the heads up.

~maybe I'll move to Russia~

'I have an Announcement'

2012-01-10T19:22:00.000-07:00

One of my students tells me today, "You know Mexican's aren't just Mexican's they're people too."
Trying to stifle my laughter I asked him, "oh yeah, where did you hear that?"
"On a movie."

During our school assembly this morning, our principal was making announcements about upcoming events. When he was done with his information, he asked the fellow teachers, and the student government if they had anything to add. One of my little girls raised her hand, when the principal called on her she declared, "and we're starting 'show and tell' in our class'."
Thanks for sharing dear...

It's good to laugh at least once a day.

Take My Hand

2012-01-07T21:38:00.001-07:00

Three facebook friends have announced their engagements over the last 24 hours. It's an epidemic! Or perhaps they are influenced by the impending "end of the world." The same thing happened before and during the World Wars, and (according to Mrs. Weasley) at the height of Voldemort's power the first time around. In the face of fear and uncertainty, human beings cling to one another. It is in other's we find love and hope, and ultimately a reason for living. It is for this reason that, when faced with the possibility of death or world wide pandemonium, we seek refuge in each other. The fear or doubt that might otherwise influence, are forgotten in the surrounding unease.
I guess it takes war and bedlam for Love to become our foundation.

~Mason remains unperturbed ~

Advice from Dumbledore

2012-01-05T01:35:00.002-07:00

Memories Bring only Tears

2012-01-04T13:12:00.000-07:00

My holidays are over, and I'm now home- if I can call such a place home.
It is windy, quiet, lonely. Home is suppose to be where my heart is, but my heart is anywhere but here. My heart is with the people I love, and the things I love doing. This place lacks all the essentials. Sure my stuff is here, and my life (if you can call it that) is here, but I struggle to find joy in this windy, snowless, desolate place.
Rather than living, I feel like I'm stuck on pause. For a slight moment I was in play but it was quick-barely a blink. And now I've been returned to this painful, emotionally deprived state.
I long for a change, yet the time is constantly prolonged.

~Living on a Prayer~

Slowly Going Crazy

2011-12-17T11:02:00.000-07:00

After over a month apart, we will be reunited. Then for our adventure! You, me, my family, and my home town. All my favourite- crazy things -all wrapped into one. But the time is going so slow! I know it's less then a week away, but last week felt like a month. So what are these next 4 days going to feel like? And of course, once we're together, time will move at warp speed, and our 2 weeks together will be over in a blink.
It's just not fair.

COUNTDOWN CLOCKS

Good Advice

2011-12-12T00:01:00.000-07:00

Robert Pattinson Quote : "If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads."

So This Is Love

2011-12-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

When I saw this picture I recalled this song my sister use to sing. I wonder if anyone ever warned them of the consequences? I hope not... paranoia can keep you from experiencing so much joy.

The cutest boy, I ever saw, was sipping soda from a straw. The cutest boy I ever saw, was sipping soda from a straw.

I asked him if he'd teach me how, to sip my soda, from a straw. I asked him if he'd teach me how, to sip my soda from a straw.

So cheek to cheek, and nose to nose, we sipped our soda from a straw. So cheek to cheek and nose to nose, we sipped our soda from a straw.

Then suddenly, the straw did slip, we sipped our soda lip to lip. Then suddenly the straw did slip- we sipped our soda lip to lip.

That's how I got my mother in law, and 15 kids to call my 'ma'. That's how I got my mother in law, and 15 kids to call me 'ma'.

The moral of this little tail, is sip your soda from a pail. The moral of this little tail, is sip your soda from a pail.

~ewwww cooties!~

Lesson 1

2011-12-09T17:12:00.000-07:00

It happened yesterday. It was the very end of the day- thankfully. It had been a long, though rather unproductive day of sitting in the gymnasium doing dress rehearsals of our Christmas Concert. My kids were surprisingly patient, but it wore on them, especially by the end.
The bell had just rung, and I dismissed the class. Suddenly, Abbott, one of my grade 3 boys, with the tough exterior and often "too cool for school" attitude, burst in to tears.
Thankfully most of the class had already left the classroom. I made my way over to Abbott,his head was down, wrapped in his arms. Having no idea what this was about I cautiously put my hand on his shoulder and asked him what was the matter.
Barely lifting his head, he bitterly declared, "Taban is calling me names, and making fun of me."
Taban, who was one of my other grade 3 boys, and also still in the room retorted, "No, I wasn't!"
Wanting to resolve this quickly I asked Abbott, "what exactly did he say to you to make fun of you?"
Abbott spat in disgust, "he said I was in love with you!"

I bit my tongue quickly to keep from laughing. How horrible he made it sound- to be in love with me! Or at least the thought of being in love with me!

I know that they are just children, and the very idea of love is still absolutely repellent... but perhaps this feeling isn't wholly foreign to people my age too. Not the feeling of fondness towards someone, but that weak feeling you get... when you feel lost, or forgotten when you're not with that person.
Men pride themselves in strength- physical as well as emotional. Love defies these "rules" and so when it happens, they are filled with confusion... and ultimately aversion.
If they don't admit it, they didn't commit it, and so pain and frailty can never happen.

~how I sleep at night~

twisted

2011-12-05T00:01:00.002-07:00

the world may always be opposed

with pretended morals, and blurred lines.
rough, seasoned hands
compel the soft and innocent.
their cry of fear taken for pleasure
in time becoming indifference.

with hands tied down
and threats thoroughly set
the choice is no longer yours.
take me now, you hear.

pushed up against the wall
bound and teased
no say in the matter
this is pleasure

~this is skewed and misleading~

In My Mind's Eye

2011-12-04T13:05:00.001-07:00

Have you seen the movie In Time? It has a powerful message mixed within the violence and action. But ultimately, it is about a time when time is currency, and when you run out of time, you die. The rich all live in their own area with millions of years to spare, while the poor are living by the hour, working- literally- to stay alive.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The other night, I had a dream with a similar story line. Time was our currency, but instead of dying when we run out of time, we are hunted for sport. Adds another element of entertainment I suppose. Mason was in my dream, and he was complaining about Time as currency- I told him that he wasn't allowed to complain, because when we watched the movie he said he liked it.

In my dream, a friend and I were struggling. We were down to minutes and we had nothing else valuable to sell to get us more time. Somehow we ended up in some kind of a brothel. These men came in after us, and right away they hired us.

The man who chose me, I quickly learned, had prosthetic arms. He started taking himself a part, and I was doing all I could to not be completely disgusted with what I was about to do. As I was sitting there waiting, I heard noises indicating other transactions were not being delayed as mine was. I wished to just get this over and done with so I could escape from this current hell.

Right as it was about to start, a man rushed in (who was not Mason, but whom apparently I was in a relationship with). He declared he loved me, and then proposed to me- not with a diamond, but with a huge bank of time!

I soon learned that the man with the prosthesis was in fact completely artificial! He was a robot my fiance had created to watch and protect me.

How romantic...?

I also learned that the time given to me by my fiance was stollen from his brother, and his brother was now after us. More action and entertainment followed as we were being chased by an angry, bitter man with hunters after him.

My future brother in law died having jumped into a ravine following us. We were both quite devastated, but apparently he was a corrupt man, and he had what was coming to him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Talk about a strange dream. What exactly was my mind trying to tell me in all this? Or am I silly to be searching for a message in this?

~it was more the anticipation~

AHH

2011-12-03T14:00:00.001-07:00

I know I already posted today, but I've fallen in love, and I couldn't wait a moment to share it!!
I don't know if you've heard of Andrew Allen before. If you have- you suck for not sharing him with me! If you haven't- today's your lucky day!!
His lyrics, and voice. His energy, and genuineness. It's like he truly means what he's singing. Of course it doesn't hurt that he's cute, and has amazingly intense eyes. And that stubble really works for him.

Check out his stuff.

And because the Christmas season is nearly here (3 weeks today is Christmas eve- one of my favourite days of the year!) here you can here the song that got my sister and I stated on him last year- though very slowly I am sad to say.

~say it to me~

As of Late

2011-12-03T10:14:00.000-07:00

Sizzling, spiced, and decadent.
A taste that can be satisfied daily. Let the amount increase exponentially.
My mouth waters, and my hands shake. Anticipation. Like an airplane coming in for a landing, the hanger door wide open, yearning to be filled.
Let all other activities be forgotten, and only this take our time.
But together.
Alone it lacks meaning. Without heart, passion. Instead I remain aching for that which I am unmotivated to achieve.
Left alone in these cravings is wretched and cruel.
I call to you, my body, heart, and stomach.
Listen.

~already won~

boys vs girls

2011-11-29T20:14:00.001-07:00

~we don't mean to miscommunicate~

Jolly Old Saint Nicholas, Lean Your Ear This Way

2011-11-28T17:20:00.000-07:00

I like to give my kids the opportunity to share with the rest of the class about their weekends. Most of the times it's 13 kids telling me they watched a movie, or two... (I thought that Mennonites didn't like technology?).

Today I was telling them that I went to the city and did some Christmas shopping. I told them that I had a present for everyone except my sister. Suddenly the kids were sharing all sorts of ideas with me:
- a barbie: but put it in a box so she won't know what it is
- a jack-in-the box that will pop out and scare her!
- a ballerina from prison (?) [Kayson's idea, he was completely serious]
- a horse (which ended up becoming a horse with chicken pox, because for some reason my kids are currently obsessed with chicken pox)

They were all so willing and excited to give me ideas, I didn't have the heart to tell them that she was 20 years old. But maybe she would like a jack-in-the-box?!

~the child in me~

A Warm Snowy Night Would Be a Start

2011-11-28T01:10:00.002-07:00

Have you ever played "Never have I ever"?
There are a few versions of it... there's the drinking-game version (though these days there seems to be a drinking game version of everything), and the get-to-know-you version, and the fruit-basket-version.
I was always bad at it because I never realized I'd never done something till someone else made note of it. It's not that I'm completely sheltered, or am afraid to try something new... I just appreciate my comfort zone.
There is one thing, however which I 1. Know I haven't done, and 2. Know I want to do.

What about you?

~the white shirt's a must~

Don't Turn Around

2011-11-27T14:34:00.001-07:00

The state in which we currently reside might suggest stagnant waters. You may fear that our direction has faltered and now resides as a neglected thought in the dark corners of our minds. With all else engaging our time, we are left to our own devices, surviving on minimal time, and leftover weekends.
Such is not the case, however. With February quickly approaching, our minds remain interested in the current affairs. We see time as a growing crop, ever nearing the moment for action.
And with harvest in mind, we put on the appropriate wear and take our step. A big step. A monumental step. Together- hand in hand... and my step ever so slightly ahead.

~not entirely alone, for long~

Maybe I should Go Red?

2011-11-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

Maybe a little scandalous. But everyone has ideas, fantasies, and weaknesses. Perhaps when you see this you are jealous or attracted (whether you will admit to it or not). There is nothing abnormal about that. We all have desires... some of us just have more control than others- or maybe they just want more control.

Personally... the less control I have the better ;)

~it's all relative~

Back in action

2011-11-25T17:06:00.000-07:00

So I teach a class of 13 kids, ranging from kindergarten to grade 3. I have only one kindergarten student who comes on alternate days. This student, whom I'll call Kayson, is a cheery student, who is loved by all, and is a joy to have in the class, despite his lack of knowledge regarding proper school behaviour.
I wish all kids were like him.

One day, to have him practice his numbers, I was having him role a dice, figure out what number it was, then bead that many beads onto pipe cleaners. He was loving it! After he started to really get the hang of it, I had him leave the group from the role before, and than add the two amounts together.
(and this right here is why I wish they were all more like him)
Kayson declared enthusiastically "what a fantastic idea!"

His genuine interest and zeal was a surprise- a refreshing surprise! Most of my other students are at the stage where they can't admit they are enjoying school or learning. And showing avidity towards any of my academic suggestions would be social suicide!

The most refreshing part about Kayson's enthusiasm, is that it didn't fade. As I continued to make suggestions, his fascination and curiosity persisted!
Who knew learning could be so fun!

And this is only one of the reasons why I love this kid!

~a life worth living~

Too Far Too Long

2011-11-24T21:11:00.000-07:00

I haven't had internet for over a month... Now here it is. Yet it does not fulfil, only a further reminder of what I do not have.
I'm also missing 7th Heaven... when I had it to watch, it almost felt like I had a family to come home too- almost.

I'm pathetic. And lonely. And wishing I were in your arms.

~wrapped up tight~

Still Nothing

2011-11-02T16:38:00.000-06:00

I am still without the technology that enables me to communicate with the rest of the world... It does not help with the isolation that is Bow Island.

Sometimes I feel that I live in that town from Footloose...

Got an email today that made me think, so I thought I'd share it with you.

God doesn't give you the people you want; He gives you the people you NEED... to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you- to make you into the person you are today, and ultimately the person you are meant to be

~a reason~

Lacking pizzazz, or even just a smile

2011-10-06T16:23:00.000-06:00

I am currently without internet and tv at my house.
Is it sad that this upsets me terribly? Have I become far to dependent on technology to entertain me and make me happy? What happened to music while cleaning, or a good book on the couch?

Oh right... my books have yet to arrive in the Dried Bean Capitol of the West. Plus I am sick of my music and have no way of purchasing more...
It might help if I had friends, or at least companions with a 1 or even 2 hour radius. But here I remain alone, with no friends- real or fake.

I don't want to say my life sucks because it could be worse. However... I'm not feeling too excited about it right now.

~just don't take my phone~

But what if...

2011-10-01T11:10:00.002-06:00

~gah! I lack reason~

prov 3 5 6

2011-09-29T21:00:00.000-06:00

Under a microscope nothing is perfect
Blemish and defect are inevitable
nothing is as it originally seems

Plans and purpose fall to the way side
as our tracks silently change course
unbeknownst to the distracted crew

Our plates are beyond our official 'full'
With work, and life, and new voices
at what point do we overcome all this "new"?

~lean not on your own understanding~

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

2011-09-25T21:58:00.001-06:00

a few random lines i've scribbled in an attempt to describe my current plight.

you said no matter the distance,
we'd hold tight and make it through.
but the path of least resistance
doesn't always seem to lead to you.

~

Tears that once did not exist, come rolling down my cheeks.
So many strong and new emotions have over powered me.
I wish you did not see me in this weak and sappy state
but when it comes to you all control is washed away.

~

I want to yell and scream and beg
for you to let me be
And forget you ever saw me in this
tearful awful mess

~of someone else?~

From Thought to Tree in 0.3

2011-09-20T21:24:00.000-06:00

I have an overactive imagination. Plant the smallest notion of an idea in my mind through either word or deed, and within moments you could have a fully developed outcome. A future with a house, car, white picket fence and family of 5.

The majority of the time however, my train of thought is ridiculous and completely unrealistic. For some reason, unlike the movies, the end result of a chance meeting, or locked eyes cannot be realized fifteen minutes into it. Love, wealth and happiness are not an everyday occurrence, in fact, there is not even a guarantee of a happy ending.

My imagination however, is ignorant of this. Of reality. Though I have never been put under a spell to be awoken only by true love's kiss, or had a fairy godmother dress me in sparkles and send me off in a pumpkin carriage. That which I want, think, dream, and imagine is rarely that which occurs.
Life seems to differ somewhat from my dreams...

~your longterm thinking can be so... short term~

Stalled

2011-09-19T21:31:00.000-06:00

My life has taken a new turn, a fast turn. The world around me is spinning and I'm excited to gain some control and see where it has taken me. It's a time in my life when change, and onward steps are vital and thrilling- and occasionally scary as hell. But this is the time for them.

Young, strong, and enthusiastic, nothing knocks you down for long. Movement stimulates you and lulls are unsettling. I can't help but wonder why, when the rest of my world is in constant flux leading me towards my new future- my new life- this refuses to progress. Is there something going on behind the scenes suggesting that this is only temporary and not durable enough to last into my slowly shaping future? Is it a warning sign?

I tend to lack patience when it comes to knowing what the future holds, if I have a worry or fear, waiting for the worst to come is the last thing I want to do. Just release the anchor, and let me spin. If loss is inevitable, why put it off.

~waiting on your words~

She's Back

2011-09-10T15:00:00.002-06:00

A few months ago I mention a girl I am calling Kenadie, who was interested in Mason. I told Mason at the time that I was not comfortable with them talking- not that I don't trust him, it's her. Despite the fact that he was in a committed relationship, she continued to pursue him. Ummm excuse me bitch!

So now, here we are months later and things are going wonderfully and she has ceased to make an appearance in our day-to-day lives. Until last night.
Mason was going out with some friends, one of whom is friends with Kenadie, and so Kenadie was part of the group. Mason tells me this morning, that she was hitting on him all night.
Well, needless to say that rubbed me the wrong way!
Girl- he's cut off communication with you, he's still got a girlfriend, and he is showing you no interested. Get the hint and MOVE ON.

Mason seems to think I'm making a bigger deal of this than I should. That he's with me, is perfectly content, and there is nothing Kenadie, or any other girl can do to change that. I try to forget about it... but obviously, based on this post hours later... it continues to linger.
I am confused on what to do about it. I don't want him to feel that I don't trust him- cause I do. But I can't seem to explain to him in a way that he understands why this girl bugs me so much. Nor, does it seem that I can forget it.

~haunted by past transgressions~

All I Need

2011-09-08T19:08:00.000-06:00

Step 1, receive my rather delayed letter from Hogwarts. (Errol must be delivering it)

Step 2, get to London so I can use my ticket to ride on the train to Hogwarts.

Step 3, get a life.

So I've Been Told

2011-09-05T09:38:00.000-06:00

little secret

2011-09-02T20:21:00.001-06:00

...he is unaware, but on a daily basis he brings tears of joys to my eyes. If he knew he'd tease me- apparently I cry far too easily. But he's the first boy to make me happy-cry.

...i want to tell the world about him while simultaneously hide him away so no one tries to steal him. If he knew he'd tell me I was being ridiculous- no one could steal him away.

...he can drive me crazy and inspire me in the same breath. If he knew, he'd claim I was just humouring him.

...somehow he always seems to know what to say, he reads me better than I understand myself. If he knew, he'd say girls are complicated, but my silence says it all.

...i miss him every day. He knows, but I don't remind him- it just makes it worse.

... if he knew my secret, he'd smile and shake his head and say slow down girl, and enjoy the ride

I wonder if he'll ever know. I wonder what our future holds. I wonder what he'll say...

~how slow do you want to go~

Children Are Quick

2011-09-01T07:10:00.001-06:00

whether these are all true or not, I don't care. They still make me smile, and excited for the stories I'll be telling about my students!

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
_ _____________________________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS:Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________ ________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
____________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
______________ __________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
_ _____________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..    Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
______________________ _____________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Bye Bye Baby

2011-08-31T21:10:00.000-06:00

I wouldn't believe them- how could it be!
Sixteen and pregnant, hiding the truth from the world, and from him. He who would've stood strong with me.
Sent off and discarded, as if a worthless object to me. How could I ever be in that mind set?
And now forgotten, a case inconceivable to the victim. An experience concealed by shock and fear. A scar on a family.
Was this my history, I almost believed...

And then I awoke. Sad, scared, and confused. From where did this idea come? How were they nearly able to convince me of such an offence, even for a moment in my waking state?

~the power of dreams~

Moments Away

2011-08-30T21:24:00.000-06:00

Down the prairie road I tread. Whence I left remains in clear sight, though time indicates I aught to be long gone. I peer ahead and see my journey's end. Is the distance I have set off to travel as brief as it appears?

No, the prairie road misleads. This long straight path passes fields of wheat and corn and hemp and beets. It is no easy journey. I can look back and see the times I strayed into the fields; overcome with curiosity I abandoned my set destination for a time. The path was not easy, however. Having been swarmed with bugs and scratched by the uncultivated crop, I slowly returned to the appointed path.

And now, minutes away from that which I set off to reach, I fear. I fear that I am not prepared. The long prairie road was not long enough...
But I'm here, with no time to spare.

~prairie road trained~

Please Read My Mind

2011-08-29T20:27:00.000-06:00

Before an important conversation, or an event where I have to share my thoughts or opinions I rehearse it in my mind for days on end. This happens for days until I think I am comfortable and I know exactly what it is that that I wish to say.

Then that fateful time arrives, it is time to share. My heart beats fast, my mind goes blank, palms go sweaty and any voice that remains shakes uncontrollably (often you can throw in some tears for good measure).

How will I ever be able to convince someone that

what I say is true, if I myself cannot even vocalize it?

~something worth saying must be said~

139 Years Later...

2011-08-26T21:06:00.000-06:00

~... what's wrong with barber shops?~

Ideas and Thinking- oh no!

2011-08-24T19:28:00.000-06:00

http://weheartit.com

By the power invested in me by my father's title, I have thus diagnosed myself. I, Lauren, a self proclaimed reader, are suffering from ideas of grandeur. Visions of my own place, responsibility, and a real job have misguided me. In actual fact, I'm still a child!

I am ignorant and naive of the real world. Realities like taxes, RRSPs, health benefits are mere terms to me. What is their purpose? How do I apply them?

My understanding of the world is limited to small towns and a student's life. I had not yet cut ties with my bonds, the comfort of knowing I'm loved and cared for no matter what was my rock, the foundation on which I tread. And while I know that love changes not at this time, the attachment has been stretched to nearly unrecognizable lengths.

Pop culture has romanticized growing up, life, and moving out. As per usual, however, country music has it right :

so here I am in my new apartment

In a big city, they just dropped me off

It's so much colder than I thought it would be

So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up

I wish I'd never grown up

Thank you Taylor for once again writing to and for me.

~sitting alone in the dark~

Of Two Minds

2011-08-22T07:14:00.000-06:00

palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy...
[she]'s nervous, but on the surface [she] looks calm and ready...
the clock's run out, time is up...

The New Way Back

2011-08-21T00:04:00.000-06:00

I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

I want to shout it out

From every rooftop sing

Let you and the world know

I want to be a 'we'

It's time to take my hand

and open our eyes to the world

there's no need to be apart

when we can be together

So brush of the world's stigma

We are bigger than that

Strength and commitment can win

Without it the world is lost

~keep dreaming princess~

To the Dried Bean Capital of the West

2011-08-12T16:38:00.000-06:00

The world is in motion, just like me. This past week has been a whirl of changes triggered by required choices. (I am So indecisive it's painful.)
With 2 interviews, and 2 job offers in less than a week, life suddenly seemed to be on fast forward. No time to stop and nit-pick through each scene in search of foreshadowing or signs. The conclusion was inevitable and imminent.

And now here I am, praying that it's where I'm suppose to be. Unfortunately if it is, it is over 5 hours away from some of the best friends a girl can have and her fantastic boyfriend; and over 13 hours away from her devoted family. However, I should be thankful... I could have been 8 and 25 hours away. It's all how you look at it.

~Perspective and attitude. Let those be my guide. ~

Over The Wall

2011-08-08T22:16:00.001-06:00

I want to escape with you. Run off into the wild, overcome trials and celebrate success. You bring me to places I've never seen. With you I experience the incredible. You cause tears of joy and sadness. Because of you I yell, scream, laugh, and gasp.
You inspire change and reassure habits. I feel torn between wanting to share you with the world, and keep you to myself.
Every time is different, and everyone who experiences you is affected in a distinct way. Innocence is celebrate, and good conquers evil.
Bring me with you. Love me, pull me, challenge me, stretch me. Envelope me in a hug nothing can penetrate. The world disturbs and you preserve.

~library of worlds~

Steamy

2011-08-04T21:40:00.001-06:00

Of course there's always the option of having your own library. This way you aren't given time restrictions; it's full of books that you are interested in and are worth your time; you can sit right down in front of the shelf and no one will step on you or complain.
Plus, you don't have to worry about being quiet.

Who needs Harlequin Romances in their library when they can have their own romance in their library.

~live a little~

Reading my Love story

2011-08-02T22:59:00.000-06:00

Reading: only my most favourite past time. Books are my best friend, my comfort, and my escape. Curling up with a good book often beats a social event- but that sounds rather hermit-y of me. Perhaps I am just a nerd, but one of my favourite places is a book store- so many worlds, characters, and adventures calling to me!

Of course bookstores are often very large and quiet, and I won't lie... Getting kissed up against characters like Elizabeth Bennet or Isolde has always been a fantasy of mine. While my love story will never compare, a girl can wish. And what are these stories for if not to experience ourselves!

~force me into the books~

see here boy

2011-07-23T00:00:00.000-06:00

~only our dreams have it right~

Talk About a Sick World

2011-07-19T13:30:00.000-06:00

Yesterday we took a trip to the city. Our main purpose was to go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 but we also dropped my sister's boyfriend off at the airport. Unfortunately that's not all we saw.

Our first scaring experience of the trip was on the highway. I was lying in the back of the vehicle with my foot elevated and earphones on. I noticed we were slowing down, simultaneously the songs were switching and I heard my sister say "what is going on?"
This caught my attention and I looked up. There was a line of about 12 vehicles stopped in front of us. I casually glanced over the vehicles looking for nothing in particular. I found something very distinct, however. There, beside the car straight in front of us, was a woman crouching beside her vehicle with a man standing next to her. Not too sure what she was doing, we looked closer. We very soon regretted that, for this rather large lady was crouching, with her pants around her ankles, in order to relieve herself, leaving her corpulent, white ass pointing directly at us! Thankfully the man opened the back passenger door to attempt to hide her.
When she was done, she got back in the car and it drove away, leaving the previously mentioned man behind. This did not seem to bother the man as he went on walking from vehicle to vehicle... for what reason we know not.

Later that evening, with this painful experience still sharp in our minds, my sister and I began our return drive. On the outskirts of the city, on the divided highway, we noticed all the oncoming traffic had stopped. As we neared we saw that this delay was due to a immense flock of Canadian Geese crossing the road. Half of the Geese had already crossed and the other half were still in progress when a Jackass in a jacked-up truck left the road and drove on to the median. The pompous jerk paid no attention to propriety and nature drove around his fellow drivers and right into the crossing flock! One unfortunate bird got stuck on the underbelly of his ride and was dragged for several feet, at an unbearably fast speed, before it got free. It attempted to join his family but was unable to walk, and many of the birds came over to him.
The rest of the vehicles continued to wait.

Respect is a lost art. The world is under the perception that they are entitled to their own way with their own controls, and the rest of the world can "suck it".

~we witnessed two ugly asses in one day~

No More Expectations

2011-07-12T18:55:00.001-06:00

My boyfriend texted me the other day about his Friday night. As he's telling me he adds in I was a good boy too. Not sure exactly what he meant, I questioned his meaning, to which he responds Drunk blond kept trying to get me to kiss her... no dice

While I was grateful for his loyalty I questioned whether he truly thought that this was that big of a feat- is it not expected that a boy is loyal to his girlfriend, and vice-versa?
He commented that Is it really expected now-a-day. That kind of honesty is a bit of a dead art I think He went on to say It just seems everyone is more concerned on getting more notches on the belt than anything...
At first I was rather discussed with this... but then i realized how sad... and true this is.

Society today teaches us to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy, no matter that consequences!
It honestly sickens me, and makes me fear for the future... for when I have children- if it's this bad now, what will my kids be faced with in 20 years!

~Love thy neighbours as thyself~

Hey! Guess What- I Like You

2011-06-27T21:23:00.000-06:00

No "L" word
No ring
No forever
Just now, with underlaying possibilities.
I'm still not certain, so I'm not going to push.
But open your eyes, the potentials remain and flourish.
Be ready to open your hand when I'm ready to squeeze tight and jump

~an enthusiastic Smile~

Too Little Too Late

2011-06-24T22:41:00.000-06:00

Pointed out to me: A revelation? A confession? A desire? It was too much for you too take, so you lost it. Obviously your want was lacking, and could not measure up. Now all you have to hold is your bottle. And I am being held by someone new.

What Is And Should Never Be

And if I say to you tomorrow
Take my hand, child, come with me
It's to a castle I will take you
Where what's to be they say will be

Catch the wind- see us spin
Sail away- leave the day
Way up high in the sky
Then the wind won't blw
You really shouldn't go
It only goes to show
That you will be mine
By taking our time- oooh!

And if you say to me tomorrow
Oh, what fun it all would be
Then what's to stop is, pretty baby
But what is and what should never be

Catch the wind

So if you wake up with the sunrise
And all your dreams are still as new
And happiness is what you need so bad
Girl, the answer lies with you, yeah

Catch the wind

Everybody I know seems to know me wellBut does anybody know I'm going to move like hell

-Led Zeppelin

~the 'what if's' are haunting you~

Living On Scaffold

2011-06-23T08:30:00.002-06:00

you can't fall-
you have no rope
so don't get too tangled up in me*

so high up
with no one to catch you
you aren't as invincible as you feel

we're untied
vulnerable to height
and yet here we keep dancing

warnings are lost
blowing away in the wind
cause we are too tangled to listen

~for a time on a high perch~

*I am not responsible for these lines. While my sister and I were painting a house this summer, high up on the scaffold, she unknowingly spoke them to me. Of course they were used in a very different context, but it inspired me. So thank you to my sister.

She's Just Minding Her Own Business

2011-06-22T15:40:00.005-06:00

She wandered by, taking her time, she'd stop to window shop
Saw his reflection in the glass, he passed his eyes on me
If you've got something to say girl, don't walk away girl, give me a good reaction.
If you've got something to say boy, I ain't got all day boy, go ahead ask me a question

Oooh la la la Oooh la la la Oooh la la la
Ohhhhhhhh
Here comes love
check out the song here

Sometimes the songs that say the most, are the simple ones- straight to the point. As much as I enjoy intricate metaphors that excite my literature-obsessed mind, there are moments when clearly expressed feelings and ideas are refreshing.

~so don't forget who's taking you home, or in who's arms you're going to be~

A New Not-So-Fearful Step

2011-06-14T22:22:00.000-06:00

I find myself on a new course, one never yet sailed in my time. Fear has become a subsidiary emotion behind thrill, love, hope, and uncertainty. Time may bring about change, but for now I am governed by a new light.
I look forward to the unknown, with hands to hold and hearts to share. Such alterations, I appear barely recognizable!
There still remain issues to be patched, and ironed, but in time and with experience all will be as good as new- if not better!

~new pieces for the quilt~

the magic is gone

2011-05-25T22:25:00.000-06:00

at least you care enough to notice
the lack of response didn't come with a cold shoulder
i still have a heart, as do you
thankfully you can partially show it
i won't pretend i didn't want it to sting
for pain only brings you to life
opening your eyes to the morrow
dismal and dark without me
suck it up, and pine
for what you lost cannot be recovered

~the grass is always greener~

Forecasted Storm Clouds

2011-05-24T20:39:00.001-06:00

The authorities predict rain and storms. Our hopes and plans to be kiboshed, forgotten as if never holding importance. Our lives left to the fate dictated by others' voices.
However, we sit at ease and content, wishing to throw caution to the wind and ignore the inevitable calamity. The rain feels refreshingly cool in its attempts to extinguish our passion. Let the clouds come, rain fall, and wind blow, for that which is built to last will survive.

Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add colour to my sunset sky
-Rabindranath Tagore

~sharing the umbrella~

A live, breathing, functioning Girl

2011-05-19T16:39:00.001-06:00

We're not creepers, we just like to be aware of our surroundings, familiar with the going-ons of those around us. It provides a comfortable bubble of sorts. This way we know what to expect, and what sorts of activities and signs might suggest assistance is required (our the need for us to seek shelter). Really it is what makes us good neighbours.
I've previously mentioned our neighbours (Ugly Naked Guy and Greasy Computer Guy). My roommates and I had the... unfortunate experience of being witness to much of their personal life. Thankfully, it has been a while since such an incident has occurred.

The other day, however, I witnessed a most unusual event. As I was heading downstairs, I looked out our window that faced UNG and GCG house and what did I see- a GIRL taking out the trash!
Instantly the following quote from Beauty and the Beast popped into mind.

Chip: Momma, there's a girrrrl in the castle!
Mrs. Potts: Now Chip, I won't have you making up such wild stories.
Chip: But really, momma, I saw her.
Mrs. Potts: Not another word. Into the tub.
3rd party: A girl! I saw a girl in the castle!
Chip: See, I told ya!

Now I am not comparing any of the people involved to a disney character (I wish!). My point is, that Kara and I (for as soon as I saw her I called for her to come see as well, this way they had to believe me!) were about as shocked as Mrs. Potts to find a girl in that vicinity.
She was no Belle... I'm sure that we could come up with some nickname for her as well, maybe something relating to the colours in her hair. But for now we will remain shocked, and keep our eyes peeled for a second showing of this seemingly miraculous creature.

~Here in town there's only she, who is beautiful as me, so I'm making plans to woo and marry Belle~

Out with the Old, In with the New

2011-05-04T21:58:00.000-06:00

Our fridge is on the verge of failure. We all know it is coming, and yet are hesitant to admit it- who knows what that may trigger! Kara called our landlord (who happens to be in Newfoundland, of course!) and informed his wife about our relationship with the fridge being on the rocks. She didn't doubt it (who didn't see this coming!).

Suggesting that we give the fridge a rest, maybe slowly ease him out of his duties, maybe move everything from the freezer into the mini-deep-freeze, in case of a complete breakdown, may do us some good.
A few days later, Mrs. Landlord called to give us the good news- she had found a replacement. Brand new and in top notch order! How could we deny such an offer!

And so, this evening, Kara and I found ourselves sorting through the fridge. Having to make decisions about what is worth keeping, and what is past it's time (literally and figuratively) was not a quick task. We came across a slew of interesting articles, a few that we had no recollection of and others we wish we had no recollection of!

While I sat on the floor, scrubbing the mess and stain (or as much as possible) from the shelves, a revelation came to me- isn't this just like life. There comes a time when certain elements of life are no longer functional and a complete revamping is required. It may not always be easy, or fun, but in the end well worth the pain.

~all that glitters is... not always gold~

The L Word

2011-05-02T21:38:00.001-06:00

Over used and abused. That which should mean the world, is freely shared with the world. An open threat, sent but never delivered.
A promise in a word no longer meant. A spoken passion overshadowed in the world's corruption. The dream of a young girl, perverted by the lost.
Their search for truth lead them here, but they took it and defaced it. Their truth is false, and they remain lost. Ignorance fails to bring bliss, for bliss is found in validity.
You run from the truth, and throw the word around to distract us. A camouflage more effective by the day. Live on in your masquerade, but know the veil will fade in time, and all that will remain is the truth in a word you fail to accept.

~refuse to be enlisted~

Not Alone in Our Foolish State

2011-05-01T14:35:00.000-06:00

Eyes are focused and directed
Minds are buzzing with wonderment
Looks of disbelief are shared
A wave of simulated encouragement

I don't notice
nor do I care

My senses are overwhelmed from you
Your hand in mine stupefies
Your voice in my ear electrifies
Your scent charms my very essence
The taste of your kiss presides over all
All the while, your eyes smile back

~no one likes to be alone~

Here I Am

2011-04-15T15:16:00.000-06:00

You can only walk along the same path for so many years (19 to be exact) before you come to a fork. An inevitable reality to be certain.
From one angle I think well it is about frickin' time, i'm getting sick of the this road. The contradicting opinion realizes that along the way there have been numerous bumps, turns, and changes in landscape and terrain; there were good times, bad times, and times when what lay around the bend was indecipherable- things were rarely dull! So why must I end this journey and change courses?
I'm sure each path has much to offer, but from my standpoint, I am unsure of what those things are. Not knowing what lays ahead frightens me. I am prepared to stop here and have a picnic- holding off the decision until I have more information, or a sudden burst of inspiration. What's wrong with enjoying where I am at and making an informed decision...

~flashing arrows would be much appreciated~

To Be Me

2011-04-13T13:19:00.000-06:00

I Miss You like Drama Queens and Cat Fights and Braces on Prom Night*

2011-04-08T11:44:00.002-06:00

Last evening, on our way to our final class of our university career, Mason and I met, and quickly passed a young boy. As we passed by, he stopped and curled over, as if he were in severe pain or was going to be sick. Concerned I turned to him in preparation to offer assistance.
Upon taking a better look however, I noticed that he was caring something. A heavy something. It was a weight- it must have been at least a 25 lbs!
We left him to his workout and continued to class.

In a way we are all like that kid. We are walking around with a huge weight that slows us down, and causes pain. And to what end? Sure that boy may build some muscle if he continues this strict regime, but will it improve him as a person?
And if we continue to carry our weight around, what will we gain- callouses? bitterness? grief?

Perhaps you're head the song The Weight by The Band. The chorus goes something like this:
Take a load off Annie, take a load for free; take a load off Annie, and you can put the load right on me

It makes me wonder... who is saying this to us? Are we listening?

~it's an investment~

*Miss You Being Gone The Band Perry

New Addiction

2011-04-04T20:34:00.002-06:00

Here is a wordle of my poems. It gives you a quick idea of what I write about most. No surprises. However, in collecting these poems I realized how long it's been since I've written any poetry. It seems I've lost my muse. at least temporarily. I suppose that's what happens when I've recently had little to no reason for me to gripe over the opposite sex.

~a snap shot of my heart and mind~

A bad combo

2011-04-02T23:21:00.000-06:00

Alcohol and sex don't mix.
And by alcohol I mean wine specifically, and by sex I mean the dessert, sex in a pan. I made It yesterday to go with the nice dinner I made for Mason (and my roommates). It's wonderful... it truly does live up to it's name!

So tonight, while sitting on the couch "writing my paper" I decided, what better way to bare this misery, than to drown myself in some leftover sex and wine. And so I did.
Now I lay here with more than a discomfort in my throat and stomach... the strong sense of nausea weighs me down. Instead of relishing in the brilliance that is my mind, I am cursing the frail pit that is my stomach.

Since when does my stomach struggle from the food I inhale? Am I growing weak in my... young age?

Pain, discomfort, regret... not the sensations one wishes to endure after a night of wine and sex.

~I've been rocked~

A Guiding Light

2011-03-30T17:34:00.000-06:00

Last year in my practicum, I taught a grade 4 class. A huge chunk of my time there was devoted to my teaching the "Light and Shadows" unit from the Science curriculum. Now many of you know I'm not a huge science girl... but it ended up being a ton of fun. How come as you get older, the available topics of study in science narrow, and interesting thing like "Light" is forgotten!

Anyway, integration is a huge deal- and I completely agree with that! So for one of my LA lessons (LA is language arts, and I was teaching poetry!) my practicum teacher had found a poem to go along with my science unit! Is there anything more fun than that?

The point... I am currently working on a project for my tech class, and I am basing it on the "Light and Shadows" unit I taught last year. While working on this I found a copy of the poem. Not only did it bring back some great memories, but the poem also spoke to me.

Here is a copy of it for you to read and [hopefully] enjoy.

Someone Else’s Light by Elaine Laron

The sun is filled with shining light, it blazes far and wide.

The moon reflects the sunlight back, but has no light inside.

I think I'd rather be the sun, that shines so bold and bright.

Than be the moon, that only glows with someone else's light.

~What part are you playing?~

Advice?

2011-03-29T13:04:00.002-06:00

So there is this girl... I'll call her Kenadie, who likes Mason. She texts him all the time, always wants to hangout, and now... she wants to go watch him play soccer.
Their history as acquaintances isn't long. Kenadie is friends with the girl that Mason's best friend (we'll call him Casanova) occasionally fools around with. They went on a "double date" that wasn't even a double date because Mason was dating me, and was dragged along by Casanova.

She's aware that Mason isn't available, but isn't backing down. I don't want to be a crazy girlfriend... but is it a bad thing that this bugs me? Should I feel threatened? Do I have a right to be upset?

Mason assures me that they're just friends, and only get together periodically to "keep in touch." It's not that I don't trust Mason... It's that I don't trust Kenadie.

~Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies (Elizabeth Bowen)~

2011-03-28T05:07:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I wonder... why me?

A Magic Carpet Ride

2011-03-27T10:57:00.000-06:00

I once was satisfied with 'something', because at least 'something' was better than nothing. This way I was only partially lonely, and periodically felt important. On good days I could believe that I was wanted, and someone would be there fighting for me. I thought that we were still young, and expecting anything more than that was outrageous and unreasonable. We just needed time to grow up.

Now that I have 'everything' I see that having only 'something' diminished my self worth. Who knew that there was someone out there who wanted this too, and openly acknowledged it! I now see all is better than some. To be treated like you matter all the time beats occasional value any day. And who knew there was someone who willingly put your happiness over theirs! I thought I could only find this in the fictional world!

~A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view~

Foot Poppin'

2011-03-23T19:43:00.001-06:00

I have the VHS version of Princess Diaries . I loved that movie, and really, what young girl doesn't love a Cinderella story. Anne Hathaway (before she was anyone) and Julie Andrews... Julie Andrews teaching and guiding Anne through what it takes to reach her true potential... in the movie and probably in real life as well!

A story of a girl looking for love -or more specifically a "foot popping kiss"- torn between sudden popularity and attention, and what's real.
But isn't that what we're all trying to figure out, what's true from what's a passing fad or a lie. That's one thing about romantic comedies, they have enough reality in them that we almost forget about the romantic twists and believe that "hey, it could happen!"

"because you saw me when I was invisible"

Check One

2011-03-20T19:21:00.001-06:00

Growing up I was not always the most adventurous eater. When I told my mother I didn't like something, she would tell me that I could not make that judgement without first trying it. Often (though I didn't admit it to her), upon trying the supposed unpalatable food, I found to enjoy it more than I earlier expected.
This can be applied to more than just questionable food. Life is about experiencing, learning and making mistakes. Sure there are things to definitely avoid, but there are also waters out there that should be tested. So next time you come across a river, lake, sea, or puddle, weigh your options. Is it worth the effort of trying to jump or cross the water remaining dry, or could you risk dipping your toe in... who knows what may happen.

~sometimes you have to just take a chance. and if your scared of the past, just remember it's the past for a reason and it's not worth missing out on great things that could come in the future. take a chance, have no regrets~

Today's Greeting

2011-03-17T20:22:00.001-06:00

sorry, she was suppose to present a message from me to you, but it didn't work.

Pass it On

2011-03-16T14:39:00.001-06:00

You make me smile like the sun

Fall outta bed

Sing like a bird

Dizzy in my head

Spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold

Buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Oh, you make me smile

~Brought to you by Mason, I mean Uncle Kracker~

Cloud 9

2011-03-15T16:47:00.000-06:00

Yesterday someone commented on how I was on Cloud 9. I could not disagree, lately I had been rather jubilant, and I have always liked this saying, however I must admit, I could not say I knew exactly what it meant. So, while I should have been doing 1 of my 5 assignments due next week, or working on my applications... I researched it!

And here is some of what I found.

The Meaning: In a state of blissful happiness
Origin: Apparently, whenever a phrases uses a number, then the clues to finding its derivation usually focus on that number. (who knew!)

A commonly heard explanation stems from the cloud classifications from the US weather bureau in the 1950's, which depicts "cloud 9" as the fluffy, cumulonimbus type that are considered attractive (personally my favourite are the storm clouds).
Of course there is another popular explanation that has to do with the levels of enlightenment in Buddhism.

While these hold much of the world's beliefs, neither of them seem to hold much water. Both the cloud classifications, as well as the levels of enlightenment actually have 10 levels, not 9. To single out the second last stage seems silly.
Also, 9 is apparently far from the only number that has ever been linked with clouds. There has been a Cloud 8, Cloud 7, and Cloud 39. It has only been since the 1980's or so that 'Cloud 9' has been the predominant used cloud number. Of course that may be because of the term being used in popular music.

So what have we learned... that the origin of "Cloud 9" remains a mystery. While there are speculations as to its roots, one cannot be certain.

While the origin of the saying may remain a mystery, how I got to 'Cloud 9' is clear as day.

~You're as free as a bird in flight (Cloud nine)
There's no difference between day and night (Cloud nine)
It's a world of love and harmony (Cloud nine)You're a million miles from reality ~
- The Temptations, Cloud Nine

Sizzling

2011-03-13T20:24:00.000-06:00

I have had very little experience when it comes to boys cooking for me. I didn't seem to think this was a big deal, is isn't the style of the boys I know. When Mason heard this, he was appalled... and adamant about changing that.
Last night was the first time.

I was told to sit and relax while he made dinner (no complaints there). So I sat, with his brother's science magazine in hand, to watch him work.
Watching him move around the kitchen, with such ease, comfort, and mastery distracted me from the magazine. It was one of the most irresistible images I had ever seen. If it hadn't of been for his brother studying at the kitchen table... well let's just say I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

And if it couldn't get better... the food tasted great too!
Nothing like a heated kitchen, spicy scents, and a mouthful of flavours to charm a girl.

~consider me wined and dined~

Eminent

2011-03-11T14:36:00.001-07:00

I've always been here, on the edge of the cliff. I've been on the brink of falling since the beginning, though there were times over these 8 years I could claim more stability than others. But ultimately, I was destined to fall. Not that those around could tell, I was good at hiding it. Pretending the ground I stood on was sturdy took skill and practice. Who knew I had such great balance.
But the gig is up. The balancing act is over. I've given up and I've fallen. All I'm waiting for now is hitting the ground, for that's when reality will kick in. Until then I'm just free-falling, and that almost feels good.

'...and how does that make you feel?'

isn't this always the way it goes

2011-03-08T13:04:00.000-07:00

~all dressed up, but no one cares~

(because I borrowed this from a friend's blog and she had not credited them, I am sorry that I am not giving the proper credit where it is due. If you can help me with this, leave me a comment and I will fix it! )

Inner Dialogue

2011-03-07T16:33:00.001-07:00

Yes, no... maybe?

I have always been an indecisive person. Throughout elementary school and into high school, my best friend always made my decisions for me. When she got a boyfriend, however, and our relationship began to... shift, I was forced to show some resolve. I had to make decisions.
I am not bitter about this change, I am well aware that having to make my own decisions is a vital part of growing up and ultimately living.

Today, I remain an ill-proficient decision maker. I know that many people feel that way, but I believe (and have been told) that I am worse than most.
At times it is because I honestly do not care. Other times it is because I am unsure how I feel about a situation. And other's I am afraid of the consequences.

Knowing the difference between want and need plays an important role in this. Of course this is much easier without the world's views being pushed down your throat. And their ideas been taught as best.
Peer pressure is a bitch.

~join the joyride~

When you least expect it

2011-03-06T22:38:00.000-07:00

The smile that melts your heart
a sunrise in your eyes
The touch of electrifying shivers
the tip of an iceberg
The words of unfamiliar comfort
a field of wild flowers
The kiss that takes your breath away
life under the sea

~what you hoped for~

A Standard of Behaviour

2011-03-01T21:12:00.000-07:00

It seems funny to me that all steps are the same size. Who was the one who appointed the size of this conventional step? Is it something that was carefully researched and studied over many years, by numerous highly educated and informed individuals? Or is it randomly chosen based on one guy's step making skills? Maybe when steps were first invented, only one guy had the tools and training to make/install them, so he got to choose their size and it just sort of stuck...?

They say that we are all so accustomed to these standard measurements, that a step off, by even the most minimal amount, can cause quite the uproar! I can attest to this, as one of the steps leading up to my house is slightly larger than the others, and people are tripping on it all the time! (Can you be sued for that?)

I walk up the steps to my stairs on a daily basis, I know that one of those steps is larger than the others, but that knowledge does not help the reality of it. The falling appears to be inevitable. How dumb to you feel when you know that step is in your path -you can see it coming- and yet, when you do finally come to you, you still end up tripping, and often falling.

Steps are important in getting anywhere. Moving up, one step at a time- that's life! Throw in a step even moderately larger than the average one, however, and people will fall. Mainly I will fall. That or I will feel like I am falling.

~Jump then fall~

Denying Bliss

2011-03-01T09:10:00.000-07:00

There are a number of slightly varying definitions for denial. The important parts are - in my humble opinion- 1) it is a rejection of the truth; 2) it is a defense mechanism.

The definitions I've found state that it is a unconscious action, but I wonder if there are times when the do-er is vaguely aware.

It is easy enough to slip into. Off the top of my head I can think of a handful of people who are currently suffering?... experiencing?... living?... enjoying? (what is the correct word?) denial. Including myself.

Perhaps I am unsure of what word to use because it is subjective. I am perfectly content living in my denial. Facing and accepting the truth is more menacing than opposing its very existence! Others, however, upon discovering their face turned away from the truth, may be appalled.

~no answer at all~

Shovel in Hand

2011-02-28T14:42:00.000-07:00

Take a closer look. Do you like what you see? I see something hidden beneath the surface which needs to be displayed. A vital component of you, and of me.
A sweet scent which permeates the room, but which you are unwilling to share. We will all benefit, much to your dismay.
Search out the sweet truth, taste it, experience it, and enjoy it. And then, when you realize my sincerity, share it. Is there anything better than a joy shared, a catching smile, or a contagious laugh. We all want it. And even more importantly, we need it.
Play with the idea. Let your fingers and tongue investigate the source of this redolent treasure. Shared pleasure will visibly spread from ear to ear, and face to face.

~hand in hand~

weather-ing

2011-02-27T15:50:00.000-07:00

The snow is blowing, it scrapes across my face. Hoods, scarves, jackets, and mittens aren't enough. The white is pretty, but the process painful. There must be another way.
Yet on I tramp towards my destination, there is a purpose for all this. It is not karma, or chance, or luck. Mother Nature is not punishing us for our pollutants. Through the pain, comes change. Weathering through the storm will not last.
There will always be storms, and rumours of storms, but the sun does return. That rainbow was placed in the sky as a sign of hope, and so it remains.

~a lost sheep~

untitled

2011-02-22T22:12:00.001-07:00

Throughout english class, from the 1st grade into university, there has always been an emphasis on choosing the right title. The title is an introduction, preparing the reader for what is to come. It is meant to be interesting, revealing, and clever. I wonder though, if the title divulges too much, however. Does the title prematurely label an unexplored space?
And when being introduced to the public, the title is always presented first, as the most significant information. But why not pass over the title into the grit of the work, alternately detailing the foundation.
I am at a point where I wish to boycott all titles, and instead skip right to the heart of the exertion. Within the core entails the excitement and beauty. There is so much more beyond the title, and I am prepared to fight for that.

~and so we remain, un-labeled~

Just for Fun

2011-02-17T08:21:00.000-07:00

Ever join a game, let's say an outdoor soccer game, and think ah it's no big deal, it is just for fun. You think that it could be good exercise, a nice time to hangout with friends, plus fresh air (or as fresh as is possible in the city)! But as the game goes on, you get more into it. It's no longer just for fun- it is serious. You have found yourself in a competitive soccer game. Here the boundary lines matter, the use of your hands is no longer just laughed at. There are strict penalties for stepping outside the boundaries.
Just for fun quickly disappeared and was replaced by serious.

~I didn't train enough for this~

Your Turn/Trying Something Different

2011-02-12T23:40:00.001-07:00

I have never really been a fan of Valentine's Day. To me it just always seemed fake and insincere. I'm perfectly fine with receiving chocolate every day of the year, it does not have to be restricted to the 14th of February. But I'd like to hear other opinions.

~apparently everyone is entitled to their own opinion~

Left Unsatisfied

2011-02-09T22:14:00.000-07:00

Last night was my roommates and my last dance class. It is a regrettable end, but we are unwilling to pay $150 for 6 more lessons. We think that is a bit unreasonable.
After our grand finale of a performance, the 3 of us bare the cold for a stop at the Death By Chocolate down the street.

I love chocolate. And I know what you're thinking, she's a girl of course she loves chocolate. But my attachment reaches beyond mere fondness. Rather than an enjoyment, chocolate is an indispensable necessity. It's not an interest but a command. It is a craving that must be gratified.

So at Death By Chocolate I ate a glorious chocolate carmel cake, and my desires were satisfied. And I believed they would be till at least today. Such thoughts were quickly marred, however, for on our way home Misty mentioned in passing Boston Pizza. Suddenly, with no warning, my mouth began to salivate and I could almost taste the pizza. Almost, but not quite.

I began to crave pizza like I had not craved a food in a long time.

And of course, on the way home, we had to pass 6 pizza places, all of which with extremely strong scents...

~what kind of insane am I going to be pregnant, if this is what I'm like normally!~

2011-02-08T13:26:00.000-07:00

While you try to figure out what you want in life, the rest of us are living it. It is time to take a chance.

Live with me.

Silence

2011-02-06T16:50:00.000-07:00

A flood or words, feelings, desires, and questions. Something you asked for -even pushed for. I laid it all out, not knowing what to expect, but backed by trust. Surprising I know.
An answer delayed by nature, and so remains 1000 kilometers away. Despite your earlier urging, I am striving to not do the same. Space and time is needed, I believe. Or at least it is what I am trying to convince myself of.
Not that I scared you, nor you don't care.

There's something to be said, in time. And so time will continue, and I will be patient. I will, I will, I will.

~Tale as Old as Time~

Enlighten Me

2011-02-02T22:06:00.000-07:00

Question... what is it with boys that make them enjoy making/watching me blush?!

It is a curse I have no control over, and often I am completely unaware that it is happening, until they so willingly point it out. A kind gesture that never fails to intensify the blush- thank you boys.
A blush is said to transpire in the face of embarrassment or shame, and so I ask, what is so delightful in that!?

If you desire to affect me so zealously, I beseech you to do so behind closed doors. Showing such intense emotion is better handled in the absence of an audience.

~red threads~

Yesterday

2011-01-31T13:11:00.001-07:00

This is a poem I wrote for one of my classes. It is based on the poem Yesterday by Jean Little.

Yesterday I was a child

Safe and sound in my parents’ arms

Without a care to weigh me down

Or a fear holding me back.

Possibilities and experiences waiting

Out each door

And with each step.

Yesterday I had no reason to cry.

Today I’m ‘grown-up’

My parents are hundreds of kilometers away

At night I lie awake worrying

Fears are a daily occurrence.

Possibilities and experiences surround me-

They overwhelm me-

Which way do I step?

Today it’s hard to not cry.

~change is inevitable~

If You Could Have Her Tonight

2011-01-30T11:56:00.000-07:00

Thankfully my path is headed elsewhere
such things no longer interest me
it is for those serious folks
concerned with truth evermore

their unwillingness to commit
means little to me
as i strived to indicate earlier
i don't care if you love me

there is no pain in play
what is time in being wanted
everyone has their terms
apparently mine are just un-secure

~no commitment~

The Reason for Love

2011-01-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

There is always some madness in love. But there is also some reason in madness ~Nietzche

There comes a time when you can give no reasonable explanation for an action, a feeling, or a belief. It is what it is and that's the truth. The whys of the matter don't seem to matter, or exist. You search deeper, trying to expose a hidden secret, to unearth a long-lost mystery many have died in attempts to discover. And yet, clueless and unreasonably rapt you remain.

Is it in the touch, the smell, the butterflies, or the familiarity. Voice, wind, breath, gaze. Is help available- is help required?
Obviously I am unaccompanied in this trance, ergo new goal. Afraid to move on, and hesitant to stay.

Because tonight will be the night that i will fall for you over again
- Secondhand Serenade

~impossible to find~

The Course

2011-01-24T14:25:00.001-07:00

What The Hell- Avril Lavigne

You say that I'm messing with your head
All cause I was making out with your friend
Love hurts whether it's right or wrong
I can't stop cause I'm having too much fun

You're on your knees
Begging please stay with me
But honestly, I just need to be a little crazy

All my life I've been good,
but now I'm thinking What The Hell
All I want is to mess around
And I don't really care about
If you love me of you hate me
You can save me, baby, baby
All my life I've been good
But now whoaaaaa What The Hell

So what it I go on a million dates
You never call or listen to me anyway
I'd rather rage than sit around and wait all day
Don't get me wrong
I just need some time to play

All my life I've been good,
But now I'm thinking What The Hell
All I want is to mess around

And I don't really care about
If you love me if you hate me
You can save me
Baby, baby all my life I've been good
But now whoaaaa What The Hell

You say that I'm messing with your head
Boy, I like messing in your bed
Yeah, I'm messing with your head whenI'm messing with you in bed

~learning~

can't go back

2011-01-23T21:34:00.000-07:00

Naive and impressionable, i declared all. You claimed prior knowledge, but appreciated the truth. Now what of it? To what end did i envision upon my confession? To be swept up in passion, forgetting the world. Logic, propriety, and ordinance slip our minds and actions.
we wish

I want to see you, but the earth's rotation continues to pull us apart.

But you held your pride like you should have held me
- Taylor Swift, The Story of Us

Chemistry

2011-01-22T15:04:00.000-07:00

there's a current in the room-
the world is mindful
all eyes focused on us-
we're oblivious
our surroundings blur
the voices subside to a mumble
nothing else matters

a conquering attraction
devastating the surrounding
with no endeavour
an equal want
but understanding of impossible
the realities of the world
still hold true
I'm still me
and you're still you

change of course

2011-01-19T15:04:00.002-07:00

It's the way she's grabbing my jeans, and she pulls me in closer- I don't even know her. It's too damn hot, I don't want to stop. Case I came in here with an innocent girl, but this girl is not.
"Anything But Innocent" Heartbreak City

It's a feeling i can't shake
a desire i can't escape
we all have an image
a reputation to uphold
but i need to breakout

Bonds that tie me down
stipulations that impede me
propriety as my only beacon
excluding the chance for change
opportunities for adventure

You grow through pain
wrong paths lead us there
but living with no freedom
disallows such wanderings
and all potential growth is ravaged

~where my hands may lead me~

All You Gotta Do

2011-01-17T19:40:00.001-07:00

Your fairy tale couldn't get much worse
You're a broken bird and we all know
We can win you over, With just a kiss on the neck
-Kiss On The Neck David Cook

It's dangerous, the power you hold. With just a "good morning", quick glance, or soft touch I'm begging for more. My life source, my oxygen, my chocolate. Not a choice, but a need. Feeding the very depths of dreams, passions, and desires. Can I call it an over flowing, when flood is more accurate. Sink or swim I heed no warnings. Stubborn and hooked.

~look closer for the hidden message~